Jsbodhi

Last night I drank again. Im so stupid and ridiculous.
I was cooking dinner and my boyfriend came over, I told him not to bring alcohol, he did, I avoided it as best I could for a couple hours, then I of course drank it, blacked out, the police came, my mom had to come over in the middle of the night from over an hour away.
I feel so unbelievably low, disgusted and horrified with myself.

PurpleKnight

Don't beat yourself up Jsbodhi, it's in the past, you can't change it, just move forward from it!!

I guess figuring out that your boyfriend drinks, and will continue to do so, and within that reality achieving Sobriety is the challenge, it can be done, but it's going to mean changing up your plan and having plenty of support to get you through.

Go at things again!! You can do this!!

PaulinaPolitely

DON'T beat yourself up any more. Let this be your grand awakening.

You're fortunate, nothing worse happened! If ready take this time to get serious about your health & life.

It's hard to say good-bye to alcohol, however today would be a great day to start.

:-) Happy Christmas and the very best New Year!!!

least

I hope today can be your last day one.

Soberwolf

Make today your last day 1 your not alone my friend we are all here for you to lean on for support

JanieJ

This ^^^^^

Bodhi, I'm not sure I understand why the police were called, but I'm glad you are still at home though, could have been a lot worse.

Xx

Thepatman

Sorry about your step back. It's a bump on the road to sobriety.

First forgive yourself, then ask for forgiveness for your actions (the police came)
then maybe talk to your boyfriend in an open, but firm way. If being around booze triggers you, then he needs to bring other non-Alcoholic refreshments.

This is about you now, so draw your line in the sand.

Dee74

I hope this won't be construed as me beating you up - but you need a better strategy jsbodhi.

all of this ^ above is not working for you.

Maybe you need to make some life changes, maybe you need more support - but it's clear whatever you're doing is not enough.

I'm actually quite worried for you.

D

Dee74

..

SoberComposer

I agree, I don't see how someone could do this with someone abusing alcohol in front of them and not respecting their goal to quit. Maybe one of my blessings is that I am alone and have near-complete control of my surroundings.

strategery

*hugs*Jsbodhi. I can't even imagine what you've been going through today after last night, but I hope it helps you move forward in your sobriety and inspires you to make some changes.

Nuudawn

This saddens me. I realize it is up to us to reign over our own sobriety... you were in fact, trying to. There is a rather disconcerting "boundary" issue here with you and your bf. It seems those of us with addiction issue have extremely weak boundaries. But you did in fact try to assert one there. Please commend yourself for that. I know it's probably not appropriate to to shine a light on your relationship... but..well, it's a heck of a lot easier to navigate sobriety with healthy support about. That ..evidently...wasn't supportive. I think hon...you need to look at that.

The next time you ask someone to not bring alcohol into your home...and they do, you have to respect your own boundary assertion...and tell them they can't come in unless they ditch the booze and honour your request.

That is how we ourselves RESPECT our own word when someone else does not. It's tough... I know. We ain't use to it.

I"m so sorry for your pain and shame today. But...please...stand up and fight again okay?

Marcher13

Jsbodhi it's not clear from your OP where you are now, at home or with your mother, please check in and let us know if you are OK now.

I fully endorse Nuu's post, your boyfriend must respect your wishes and you must respect you by enforcing those wishes.

Jsbodhi

Hi everyone, I'm ok, I'm not exactly sure what happened but I called the police on my boyfriend because I asked him to leave, he did but he came back and wouldn't stop ringing my bell and climbed on my balcony to get back in. The police came and drove him home. ( no trouble, just gave him a ride home because it was a long wait for a taxi)
I'm just feeling horrible and need to get a grip on myself with alcohol.
Thanks for posting

Strength123

Been there too. You cannot undo it but just know you will feel better in days to come. You are not alone

Jsbodhi

I'm at home

OklaBH

Whats done is done. Dont beat yourself up. However, its time to get REAL. You cant drink. If boyfriend doesnt understand than he needs to go. Im assuming the cops came for him? I dont know, you didnt post you went to jail. You both need to apologize to your mom.

Im most concerned about the blackout. That is dangerous! Really, its time to get on top of this. You will die from this. If you thought last night was bad, then just keep drinking. Its going to get a ton worse ...and...probably very soon.

Im very very sorry last night happened. Remember, it never has to be like that again.

courage2

Jsbodhi, I'm sorry for your rotten night but maybe it's just as well that it was bad -- no illusions that your life is okay with alcohol involved.

Take this as a dose of the reality of you and alcohol. And spend your hangover deciding what you can do differently. Make sure your plan is solid on the essentials: don't drink; surround yourself with support; avoid people, places and things that make you want to drink; and ask for help when you feel vulnerable.

PS this would be a good time to check in on the 24 Hour thread and commit to staying sober for the next 24!

Buggirl

Hope you are ok! Hope you do this for you, we are here for you x

HellJuice

Perhaps your boyfriend need to understand the meaning of no. I''m not here to tell you to dump him if he doesn't, but we all have choices we can make. The fact that he's not respecting your decision not to drink tells me he doesn't respect you. But that's just one persons opinion here.