Needing support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Kansas
Posts: 68
Needing support
Sorry I haven't been here in a long while, I am going through some rough waters. Not with my sobriety but health issues my husband is dealing with. He has lung cancer and they aren't sure what stage its in yet.
He starts treatment the 6th of Jan, but he and I really dont talk about how its affecting us. I have not be able to find any support yet but with a few close friends that know.
I feel so helpless not being able to fix it, being a cancer thats what's in my nature. Funny how I am a cancer ( birthsign) and having to deal with it.
I'm alone and scared and don't know where to turn.
I felt like I needed to reach out to someone, so here I am.
Some say I am going thru the stages of grief, well if i am its sadness and anger that I'm teetering between right now.
If it helps you understand who he is hes a Navy Vet, who believes he needs to deal with this alone. I get so angry at him, or the cancer to the point I am wanting to pull my hair out.
I am writing a story that is helping me process what I am feeling as we go thru this, its a three part story with each story a different thing a character needs to overcome, learning to walk again after an accident. Alcoholism and cancer which is my story.
The serenity prayer is the one prayer I have turned to when no other words will come. I seem to say this prayer often.
If you pray please lift him up so he can find strength and comfort during this time.
Thank you
Learachel
He starts treatment the 6th of Jan, but he and I really dont talk about how its affecting us. I have not be able to find any support yet but with a few close friends that know.
I feel so helpless not being able to fix it, being a cancer thats what's in my nature. Funny how I am a cancer ( birthsign) and having to deal with it.
I'm alone and scared and don't know where to turn.
I felt like I needed to reach out to someone, so here I am.
Some say I am going thru the stages of grief, well if i am its sadness and anger that I'm teetering between right now.
If it helps you understand who he is hes a Navy Vet, who believes he needs to deal with this alone. I get so angry at him, or the cancer to the point I am wanting to pull my hair out.
I am writing a story that is helping me process what I am feeling as we go thru this, its a three part story with each story a different thing a character needs to overcome, learning to walk again after an accident. Alcoholism and cancer which is my story.
The serenity prayer is the one prayer I have turned to when no other words will come. I seem to say this prayer often.
If you pray please lift him up so he can find strength and comfort during this time.
Thank you
Learachel
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
I'm glad you're back LeaRachel. Best wishes to you and your husband in this difficult time.
Maybe showing him your post is a good way to get him to understand how much this affects you too?
D
Maybe showing him your post is a good way to get him to understand how much this affects you too?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Lifting up prayers for both of you. I agree with Dee, maybe show him this post? It may be natural for HIM to face this head on, but that doesn't mean you don't need more support.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Amy
Love, hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
LeaRachel, I am so sorry for you and your husband 
I know how scared you must be right now, particularly waiting for staging and treatment options.
Cancer survivor here (also a cancer sign as well!) - stage 3 lymphoma. 4 1/2 years in remission now
They have come so far with treatments, they really have. But still nothing is scarier than the "C" word, I know.
I just want to offer you a perspective from your husband's side, perhaps. For me, it was actually tougher to see how it affected those around me. As you said there is nothing you can do, and there is nothing he can do at the moment either. I actually felt guilty in a way - not quite the right word - I felt so badly for how upset everyone was and there wasn't much I could do about that. My parents were actually away on vacation when I was diagnosed and I had to tell them over the phone, it was awful. I'm sure there is a lot going on in his mind now - it really brings you face to face with your own mortality. Give him a little time to digest it and hopefully he will open up a bit with you.
Just want to send you a big hug. I know how bad you are hurting right now, I really do. I think talking here and getting your feelings out will be so helpful. Call a friend and have a good cry. I really hope he gets the best news possible
I know how scared you must be right now, particularly waiting for staging and treatment options.Cancer survivor here (also a cancer sign as well!) - stage 3 lymphoma. 4 1/2 years in remission now
They have come so far with treatments, they really have. But still nothing is scarier than the "C" word, I know.I just want to offer you a perspective from your husband's side, perhaps. For me, it was actually tougher to see how it affected those around me. As you said there is nothing you can do, and there is nothing he can do at the moment either. I actually felt guilty in a way - not quite the right word - I felt so badly for how upset everyone was and there wasn't much I could do about that. My parents were actually away on vacation when I was diagnosed and I had to tell them over the phone, it was awful. I'm sure there is a lot going on in his mind now - it really brings you face to face with your own mortality. Give him a little time to digest it and hopefully he will open up a bit with you.
Just want to send you a big hug. I know how bad you are hurting right now, I really do. I think talking here and getting your feelings out will be so helpful. Call a friend and have a good cry. I really hope he gets the best news possible
Just a Girl Trying to Make It...
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 207
Prayers to you and him. I totally understand, my sister had lung cancer at 44 and the diagnosis alone is staggering and sobering (no pun intended). Do you have any support for you to help you learn how to deal with it? The cancer center she went to had support groups for families and patients and it was helpful.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
LeaRachel, you and your husband will be in my prayers. Keep reaching out and finding a group specifically for the cancer diagnosis . Of course SR has your back, but the exta support should be helpful. God bless u and your husband.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
Lea Rachel the best writer I know! Merry Christmas to you my friend. Life serves us the most difficult situations. We cry us, and wonder what the purpose, but over time you've show me that purpose and been such a dear friend when I've hit the bottom time and time again.
Stay encouraging, stay stong like I know you, you've overcome so much friend. I know you can do this and will do this. One more struggle, one more thing to overcome and succeed at in life
I wish him and you all the best. You hang in there girl! I know you can do this my dear friend, you are filled with so much faith and hope.
Stay strong my friend Jeremy
Stay encouraging, stay stong like I know you, you've overcome so much friend. I know you can do this and will do this. One more struggle, one more thing to overcome and succeed at in life
I wish him and you all the best. You hang in there girl! I know you can do this my dear friend, you are filled with so much faith and hope.
Stay strong my friend Jeremy
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