Bamawife

I hope you all are doing well and taking care of YOU. My RAH is a couple of days short of 90 days sober. He is doing very well. I posted before Thanksgiving about going out of town and having Thanksgiving with my kids at their home. That was fabulous. No drama, no alcohol....Tomorrow our kids (ages 20 and 24) will be here for Christmas. I have no concern about how things will go with our 20 year old daughter. However, I am a little nervous about the interaction between our 24 year old son and my RAH. Our son is about to graduate with his master's degree in social work and is currently doing an internship at a mental health facility. He has a lot of training on how to deal with people like my RAH. The other night, my RAH and I were talking about how seeing our son might affect him and he said that if he felt uncomfortable he had somewhere else he could go to get away. See, he hasn't made amends yet. What led up to me not coming home back in September was due to me, our son and RAH being out at a bar and him throwing a drink at us saying "f*** you". Our son has not and will not let all of this be swept under the rug and I agree with him. I am just praying that things are peaceful for Christmas. I have told RAH that there will be no drama tolerated. He has done so well that I don't want this to be a stresser for anyone. Our son is gay and has been with his partner for almost three years. Since we are still remodeling our home, they always stay over at my mom's. So, I suppose if anyone feels uncomfortable, there is a nice plan in place.

My prayer is that all of you have a very peaceful Christmas. Do not ever give up on YOURSELF! YOU are worthy of love, peace and happiness!

hopeful4

Hi Bama, it's good to hear from you. Question, does he not plan on making amends to your son? That is a bad thing to do and I don't blame your son for being upset. I know for my oldest daughter who is 15, that is what is the worst. Her father pushed me and she ran upstairs b/c she was afraid of him. He has done some crap things and has never really made amends. I know that causes a lot of bitterness for her, but my X is too self absorbed to see it. I hope he does this for your son, and means it.

Tight hugs.

maia1234

B- make sure you lower your expectations for the holiday, so you are not disappointed. We always expect perfect and if it is a little off we get upset.

Roll with the punches and don't sweat the "small" stuff. You will have a great holiday with your family!!

Merry Christmas!!

MissFixit

How are you worried your husband will be affected by your son? How is your son affected by your husband?

If your husband has not yet made amends to your son about his violent outburst, then your son has a pretty reasonable reason to have an issue with his dad.

Eauchiche

My late father never made amends to us even until he died. This was in spite of working his program. We even had a family meeting with him to address his rude behaviors towards us. We always wondered if he was really sober because we saw no change in how he related to his family.

I hope your husband's sponsor covers this with him eventually. In the meantime, maybe your son should just stay out of his way as much as possible.

Bamawife

Honestly, I think I am just anxious in general. It's the first Christmas since my dad died in September. My RAH and I had a conversation about amends about a month ago. He says that time will come. I realize that part is up to him. Our kids are really "my" kids. He just refers to them as his. So, part of the situation is him being a step-parent that my son never wanted. After about 3 years of marriage, RAH and my son finally formed a close relationship. The problem is always this: Yes, my son is gay. His sexual orientation does not define WHO he is. He has a name and is a very successful young adult. RAH would always tell people that he accepted him being gay and that if anyone tried to hurt him that he would hurt them back. Well, back in September when we were out eating/drinking (everyone was on their first drink except RAH who was already snockered) and RAH started talking to people at the next table about our son being gay, etc...when he sat back down at our table, our son politely asked him why he always had to bring up the fact that he was gay. That is all that happened. That was enough to **** RAH off and for him to go buy another drink just so he could show is a@@. As bad as that night was, it took that happening for me to realize I could no longer live that way. I drew a line in the sand and dared him to cross it. He crossed it and that is when I called the police. Had I not had the courage to do so, I would not be caring about ME today.

I hope that all makes sense...I'm posting real quick because I am multi-tasking in the kitchen!!

lillamy

I hope you will have a peaceful Christmas. Hopefully, your son with his training will understand that recovery is a process, and that while an apology might not happen this holiday, that doesn't mean it never will. (((hugs)))

NYCDoglvr

I assume he is actively involved in AA, since you mention Step 9, making amends. But it takes many months to get to the point of making amends, certainly not in early sobriety as he is now. It doesn't mean he can't say "sorry about what happened" and let it go at that. Ask your son to go easy on him, getting sober is very difficult, especially during the holidays. Perhaps suggest a "truce"?

Bamawife

UPDATE!!

We had a wonderful, peaceful, festive Christmas! Thanking God for answering prayers and guiding us all along the way!!

LexieCat

Glad to hear it!!