Pride comes before a fall
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Boston, UK
Posts: 38
Pride comes before a fall
I was sooooo proud of myself for going 7 days without a drink.
Last night I went to a carol concert with people I've not seen for about two months - some of whom know about my 'problem'. One was genuinely pleased to see me, three said it but were just being polite and to the rest I was invisible. I was so cheesed off I bought two single serve bottles of wine (187 ml each) on the way home and drank them when I got home.
Compared with my 1.5 regular bottles of wind a day it was 'small fry' but so weak of me.
Today I'm back to not wanting a drink and being ready for the long haul but I'm so mad with myself for losing the plot last night. At least I understand one of my triggers now.
Last night I went to a carol concert with people I've not seen for about two months - some of whom know about my 'problem'. One was genuinely pleased to see me, three said it but were just being polite and to the rest I was invisible. I was so cheesed off I bought two single serve bottles of wine (187 ml each) on the way home and drank them when I got home.
Compared with my 1.5 regular bottles of wind a day it was 'small fry' but so weak of me.
Today I'm back to not wanting a drink and being ready for the long haul but I'm so mad with myself for losing the plot last night. At least I understand one of my triggers now.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: DFW area, Texas
Posts: 521
SuePee, I think what you experienced is normal. I've had a lot of false starts trying to quit alcohol (and other things) in life. The good thing is picking yourself up and acting like it never happened, or at least keep it in perspective. If you stress out about it too much, it might derail the mental progress you're making. It's kinda like when meditating, your mind wanders and you're supposed to gently and kindly bring it back to the meditative state.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,323
I'd encourage you to try and look back and realize why it may have happened...What happened at the party that made you feel compelled to drink again? Were you thinking about it before the party?
The fact that you don't feel good about it is good to see. Really what i've learnt through my early recovery days is that i need to sort of *Reset* or *Retrain* my thinking/actions.
It's taking it's sweet time...But it's worth it.
Good work on coming back to SR to post and discuss about it.
The fact that you don't feel good about it is good to see. Really what i've learnt through my early recovery days is that i need to sort of *Reset* or *Retrain* my thinking/actions.
It's taking it's sweet time...But it's worth it.
Good work on coming back to SR to post and discuss about it.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
"One was genuinely pleased to see me, three said it but were just being polite and to the rest I was invisible."
I notice that you are making a whole lot of assumptions about what others think and feel about you in the line above. I identify... I also get social anxiety and create stories about people's response to me. When I was drinking, I was very skillful at creating complex imaginings (usually negative) about people's reactions to me, the feelings under their words.
The reality is that these folks may well have had problems and issues of their own, probably preoccupied with their own stuff - basically, their reaction (or lack of enthusiasm at you) may have had very little to do with you.
A lot of the work of the AA program is to take us out of the center of the universe, and get a more equalized reality check, in which we start to really know and feel that most of the time people are only peripherally connected with us, and that we are really pretty minor blips on their radar - working on our alcoholic preoccupation with self.
My goal is to get to where I'm noticing them - concerned about their worries or troubles or experience - rather than worrying about their response to me.
And being present for the moment itself (the singing!) rather than reducing it to a social event that measures my own worth.
I don't know if that is helpful, but I'm very similar to you in my initial social reactions, and have had to really learn in sobriety to see it through a very different lens.
Hang in there! We learn more about ourselves with every single sober experience. We are growing into our best selves, and there are some really rough nights in that journey...
I notice that you are making a whole lot of assumptions about what others think and feel about you in the line above. I identify... I also get social anxiety and create stories about people's response to me. When I was drinking, I was very skillful at creating complex imaginings (usually negative) about people's reactions to me, the feelings under their words.
The reality is that these folks may well have had problems and issues of their own, probably preoccupied with their own stuff - basically, their reaction (or lack of enthusiasm at you) may have had very little to do with you.
A lot of the work of the AA program is to take us out of the center of the universe, and get a more equalized reality check, in which we start to really know and feel that most of the time people are only peripherally connected with us, and that we are really pretty minor blips on their radar - working on our alcoholic preoccupation with self.
My goal is to get to where I'm noticing them - concerned about their worries or troubles or experience - rather than worrying about their response to me.
And being present for the moment itself (the singing!) rather than reducing it to a social event that measures my own worth.
I don't know if that is helpful, but I'm very similar to you in my initial social reactions, and have had to really learn in sobriety to see it through a very different lens.
Hang in there! We learn more about ourselves with every single sober experience. We are growing into our best selves, and there are some really rough nights in that journey...
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by SuePee 
At least I understand one of my triggers now.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I think in early recovery its best to focus on recovery
Nobody forced you to drink you chose to and it will keep getting worse
Go to meetings stay close to SR interact in threads do volenteer work perhaps ?
You can do this Suepee
Nobody forced you to drink you chose to and it will keep getting worse
Go to meetings stay close to SR interact in threads do volenteer work perhaps ?
You can do this Suepee
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Tweak your plan SuePee, there's always going to be those days when something annoys us, even in Sobriety, but we need to put new tools in the life tool box and not reach for a bottle anymore!!
You can do this!!
You can do this!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Boston, UK
Posts: 38
Thank you for the support, little surprised at a couple of the comments. This wasn't a party, it was a church service. I think people saying hello to Pam one side if me and then moving directly on to Bill sitting the other side of me while totally ignoring my existence is a tad more than being 'sensitive'.
Guess it isn't quite as non- judgmental here after all
Guess it isn't quite as non- judgmental here after all
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