DaveMass

Joined this group several days ago, and finding a lot to help me. My partner of 23 years is an alcoholic. He was one before I met him and I have lived with it for all this time, I am now realizing that it is a co-dependency. Tonight it is 4:445 a.m. and I just got back from the hospital. He did something foolish while drunk and he will be in there for at least 24 hours. I am worried sick, because in his opinion it had nothing to do with the drinking but he was simply not thinking. I tried so hard to be supportive, and I was but I am not sick with worry. Nothing will change I am afraid. But they did check his liver and we will get some idea of how that is. Sorry, but I can't go to his family, they are older and don't understand nor my family as he doesn't have much of a relationship with them. My friends will be there for me, and they will try to be ther for him, but he doesn't want anyone. He is OK, everyone else has the problems. I am tired and I just had to vent tonight. Off to bed and then try and find out where we are going from here. I love him so, and I know that it is an illness. He has to come to his own realization and hope that it is soon.

Dan

Hello and welcome.
It's a hard place to be in, to see a loved one in denial, slowly abusing themselves with alcohol. I'm a recovering addict, and alcohol was perhaps my favorite poison.
I don't know what circumstances brought your partner to the hospital, but I'm glad he's safe and that a liver study was done.
You're right, only he'll decide or not to get help.
In the meantime, there is much you can do for yourself.
The Friends and Family of Alcoholics Forum is a great place for support and tips for how to deal with this extremely difficult situation.

Chy

Hi and welcome Dave,
It's hard to watch our loved ones self destruct and not own up to the problem of alcoholism. But it's how us active A's are. We're in constant denial until the day we say, we've had enough! We all come to that realization at different stages of our disease, and nothing that ever happens is because of it in our mind.

I hope you will visit our Friends and Family forum so that YOU can find support in living with someone suffering from the pits of alcoholism. We're very glad your here!

Lorelai

Hi Dave -
I'm from the Friends and Family forum and want to welcome you also.

I'm glad that you're here and finding help for yourself. The sad thing is that he may never "come to his own realization". That's the great thing about our recovery. We can be happy and whole whether they decide to stop drinking or not.

Come on over to Friends and Family and post and read. Lots of support - lots of people who know just what you're going through.
See you there -
L

KelKel

Hi Dave
thanks for checking in....
Sorry to hear about your SO.
Maybe it is a blessing in disguise, if his liver tests are less than perfect, maybe that will wake him up to reality. Maybe this can be his bottom.

DaveMass

I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of the support that I have found on this site. I have been trying to deal with the fact that he is still in the hospital. I had a full day planned yesterday and I made time to visit with him yet he watched TV the whole time that I was there. I know that he is embarrassed or at least I believe he is and is trying to not discuss it. Ordinarily I would have dropped everything that I had planned to be with him the whole time, yet this time I realized that he did this to himself and that I was falling back into the co-dependent role by not exercising my right to be myself. I really find it hard, as I don't know who I am except his protector. I lied to everyone when they asked how he was and why he wasn't with me. I said that he was working, which he would ordinarily be and left it at that. He told me that he wants his privacy respected. I told him that some knew but that most didn't know. Only those that know of his abuse have the right to know what he has hurt himself due to the alcohol. Not broadchasting it to the world but not hiding it any more either. I am not ashamed, that is one thing that I will discard very rapidly. It isn't about my shame and guilt but about his problem with alcohol. Thanks for listening. It give me a chance to dump some of the load that I carry each day.