Day 10, dispelling the dark matter
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Day 10, dispelling the dark matter
Day 10: Poison and chemically manufactured "pleasure pills" have scorched and scarred every free-flowing channel within this God-given complex structure. In the wake of the venom, a darkness materialized, collected, coagulated. And yet, 10 days in something is different. With every SR post I read from souls far braver, more courageous and determined than myself, I can feel the chisel at work. Slowly chipping away the darkness, allowing rays of radiant, life-giving light to permeate this devoid form. The warmth this provides is beginning to liquify this dark matter along with a fire of determination that is smoldering just beneath the surface of my core.
In all my attempts at sobriety, this time feels so much different. These last 10 days have been filled with plagues and blessings alike but regardless of what happens in my life, good or bad, I really think I am in it for the long haul. The only difference this time around is support. I always shrugged it off as something weak, inferior beings needed. But, pride comes before the fall, and I fell hard. I realize I was weaker than those I ridiculed as it takes unmeasurable strength to acknowledge you can't do it yourself and then to stretch out a wounded hand and allow others to lift you up and care for you.
It's really incredible just how much of an impact you all are having on me. My heart beats with a determination I've never experienced. Every breath I take is sweet and delicate. I seriously owe this new childlike, wonder-filled outlook I have on life to you all. Your words and stories have seared through the demented thought patterns I was helplessly stuck in. Just a week ago sobriety felt like a punishment!
I know it is early and I have much to learn and a hard, slippery road ahead (given I chose to drink after almost a week sober), but I can say in this minute, this hour, and this day I will not drink and that is enough for me. You all are precious and treasured by this soul that was on a fast track to death. Thank you all for helping save my life.
-Copper
In all my attempts at sobriety, this time feels so much different. These last 10 days have been filled with plagues and blessings alike but regardless of what happens in my life, good or bad, I really think I am in it for the long haul. The only difference this time around is support. I always shrugged it off as something weak, inferior beings needed. But, pride comes before the fall, and I fell hard. I realize I was weaker than those I ridiculed as it takes unmeasurable strength to acknowledge you can't do it yourself and then to stretch out a wounded hand and allow others to lift you up and care for you.
It's really incredible just how much of an impact you all are having on me. My heart beats with a determination I've never experienced. Every breath I take is sweet and delicate. I seriously owe this new childlike, wonder-filled outlook I have on life to you all. Your words and stories have seared through the demented thought patterns I was helplessly stuck in. Just a week ago sobriety felt like a punishment!
I know it is early and I have much to learn and a hard, slippery road ahead (given I chose to drink after almost a week sober), but I can say in this minute, this hour, and this day I will not drink and that is enough for me. You all are precious and treasured by this soul that was on a fast track to death. Thank you all for helping save my life.
-Copper
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