erin8

****** he11 guys I feel so alone today. I just finished having an hour long fight with my husband before I realized he'd been drinking and I was wasting my time. Today is hard. All this **** is hard. I told him about my plans to go back to school. Just a couple classes at a time because I only need 6 classes to finish all my undergrad and bs requirements before I can focus on a major. He pretty much brought up every single one of my flaws in one argument. I would counter one thing and he'd bring up another. I'm exhausted. I"m crying. I just want to be more than this. Its hard enough having my own voice in my head telling me I can't do **** but to have the one person who knows me better than anyone else to echo those thoughts outloud... I'm a mess. I'm not drinking or smoking though so there's that. I just want this day to be over.

dwtbd

Sorry to hear about the bad day, some suck worse than others. One good thing if we are still sucking air by the next sunup we have the chance to forge a better one. Hope tomorrow is a good one. Not alone, I hear ya
Wish you well

Dee74

Your husband is drunk - you I and everyone else here knows what thats like...
It would be nice to have unconditional support but life is often not like that.

I'd have the discussion again when he's sober erin

I went back to school - undergrad and postgrad - it was one of the best things I ever did. If I can do it, you can too - don't let someone else's negativity steer you away from what you want to do

It's still an awesome idea, no matter what others may say or think

D

ScottFromWI

Sorry you had a bad day but very good work on staying sober. You'll never win an argument with a drunk unfortunately, the best strategy is to just disengage. Take a walk, go to a different room, etc.

Soberwolf

This

erin8

Once I realized he was drinking I did just that. I was so angry I just didn't realize it at first. I was in full blown rage... I feel so drained. I really need to work on that. My temper is so bad. I was literally screaming at him. who does that?? What adult screams like a child? I have so many things to fix about myself it seems overwhelming

erin8

i do feel so alone though. I have no friends to talk to and I've not been making many connections in AA. I just don't know what to do. Drinking would just be like saying "I'll show you how much of a failure I can be!" I don't want to do that. I want to be stronger. I want to learn new ways to cope. **** i'm just so sad right now though.

Dee74

I'm sorry you're sad - but you are on the right track, erin.
You will find good, sober friends...and I'm presuming your hubby is pretty good sober?

I hope tomorrow is better

D

erin8

thank Dee. I'm already starting to feel better again. I'm really emotional, always have been, even more so now. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Ruby2

Hi Erin. The people we are closest to always seem to know which buttons to push, don't they? I've screamed at my husband, many times. It wasn't pretty and I was angry. Everything I said got twisted around and thrown back in my face. So I just blew my stack. It still doesn't make us feel good.

Scott said it best. Walk away. But you already said you did that. It's hard to calm down at that point. I always found that distracting myself with bad tv or even just going to bed helped.

You are worth it so don't let him put you down. Really, what I found when my husband pushed all the buttons to get a reaction (and he was still drinking at the time) is that he felt threatened and insecure. To make himself feel better or more superior he would point out my flaws. Thankfully we have learned better ways to communicate but it took a bit of work and both of us being sober.

Hugs.

strategery

Erin, I am sorry to hear what you're going through since that is difficult. I think it's good for you to finish the degree. 6 classes is not that many left.
Some days when I've had really bad days, I just go to bed early and call it a day. Keep hanging in there. You're doing great!

muddywaters

Hi Erin,

I hope your having a better day. I tend to think when people point out our flaws it's usually less about you and more about them. It takes a lot of courage to want to improve yourself.

You took the first step towards moving your life forward and you obviously have a plan. Keep marching in that direction. It sounds like it's what you want, and a healthy direction. Congratulations on having the courage to plan it out and improve yourself.

bunnezjp

Ditto. And you probably know full well what it's like to be the drunk one picking arguements and fights. I mean, sure, we had a few to drink, but who can argue with our logic? Of course we're right. My advice, next time your husband says anything to you while drinking, conclude that he has, in fact, been drinking and therefore his "logic" is flawed and invalid. Then walk away and do what you need to do.

Bunnez

Ducktapetherapy

I am sorry that you had a rough day. Congrats, for staying sober! You sound like you are getting stronger and healthier. Just remember that tomorrow is a new day, and we all have good and bad days. How do the conversations go with your husband when he is sober? Have either of you gone through counseling?

~Ducktapetherapy77

Gonnachange

Hope today has been a better day for you. Those closest to us know our hot button issues and it was nice to read that even with the adversity you're not drinking. Well done!