txdnadoc

Hello All,

I am so happy to have found this site! I have spent four days worrying about my boyfriend, but also worrying if I have the strength to keep seeing him (or breaking it off for that matter) if he is just on another binge. We have been together for 2 years, and I was so naive that I thought that he would just get so sick that he didn't answer the telephone for 1-3 days. Last time it happened, he admitted that he had been drunk for a couple of days-said that it was because he was bored, since I was out of town on business. After a lot of talking, he agreed that he should probably go see a counselor, but of course he never did. That was two months ago. On Sunday, I was grouchy and snapped at him, so he just got up and stomped out & went home.

He left a voicemail at my work Monday am to say he wasn't going to work-he sounded drunk. Now, it has been 4 days, and I haven't heard from him. Neither has his family, and they have been calling me because they are worried about him. Apparently, due to something in his past, his mom thinks that he doesn't drink...now, I have been tempted to go to his place to check on him,but it isn't that easy- he lives about an hour away, and I don't have a car (I am in NYC), and the bus out there stops running at 9.

I am tied in knots! If he is "alright" and I hear from him in the next couple of days, do I have it in me to keep trying? I just don't believe that he will get help, and I don't see myself going through this for a lifetime. There is guilt for my snapping at him on Sunday too. I keep telling myself that everyone gets grouchy and it isn't my fault that he binged, but somehow I just cannot get it though my head.

I have looked at the NYC website for AlAnon, but there are so many meeting group titles, and some are closed to "newbies". I guess I just was hoping that someone would tell me that what I am feeling is normal, and that I could "borrow" some strength from someone out there who has been where I am.

Thank you!

rainbowflyer

Hey hun my name is melissa and I can tell you that he wont get help inless he wants however you can aid in the process...I have a wonderful gf who has helped me but it was not intil I wanted help did it actually start to work out....I know you care about him so I would find a way to go check on him...maybe his family needs to know....anyway if you need anyone to talk look me up...i wish I could help more......

Marcinor

txdnadoc,

I've really struggled with this term we like to give to things called "normal" a lot lately. What normal is to me today is the opposite of the choas that I achieved with my ex addict. Beyond that, I couldn't tell you what feels normal and what doesn't.

You need to take care of yourself right now, try to relax about what he's doing because he'd be doing if you knew where he was right now or not.

Some of the best advice I got on here when I felt anxious and like I needed to do something right now or I would burst was to do something for me. If you run, go for run or a walk. If you love bubble baths... just soak. Go to a movie, call a friend to talk. Oh... read about detachment on these boards, that really helped me.

I understand how you are feeling and the guilt can seem bigger than the room at times but instead of focusing on it, try focusing on finding a meeting near you. I don't know for sure, but I thought all the meetings were open to everyone? Maybe someone on here can share what the group titles are about because I have only been to one group and it's the one closest to me so I can't help with that.

What I can tell you is that it does get better, very slowly. It's painful and it sucks, but it does and will get better.

Welcome! I'm glad your here!

Hugs,

Marci

december

Hi there,
We all here feel your pain and anxiety. I am married, well divorced from my husband but we are back together and trying to make it work. Today is our anniversary and boy it it confusing. We would have been married 9 years today but have been divorced for 2 years so it is a little confusing. He is drinking still and saying he wants to get sober. I haven't seen much effort.
Any way, I have snapped and said many things I regret . This is part of our insanity but very normal. It sounds like your boyfriend may be in a binge. There are so many types of alcoholics. Some who binge for days, weeks or hours. We worry then to find out they are fine. I know from my experience, when my husband would binge drink he would avoid my calls and I would lose sleep and stress till I snapped at anyone in my face. Then I would find out he was fine. Alcoholics are surprising strong people. They have 9 lives.
This web site is great. You can read and see your are not alone and NOT crazy.
I do recommend you find an alanon meeting. There may be a central number for Alanon in your phone book where you can call and get meeting information. I attended my first meeting last week and I can kick myself for not going years sooner. I plan on going back. You will see people who can help you get through this.
This web site is great to fill in the days that you can't get to a meeting. There are great people here.
Hang in there. I am so new at my own recovery with this so I can't give you the insight you need. Just know, you did not do anything to cause his drinking. Even if you would have been sweet as sugar he would have drank. That is what alcoholics do best. Get support ASAP.
Take Care,
Pam