Hawk07

I've been sober for roughly 2 months. I had a run in with my ex and his new girlfriend... He found someone new and here I am, an alcoholic in recovery. All I can do is focus on my recovery but damn I'm so lonely sometimes. I can't date, I don't feel strong enough to go holiday parties, not that I've been invited to any because everyone knows. I've lost so many friends I can only count 2 who still hang out with me and I can't depend on two people for my entire social life. Many nights tinkering away by myself trying to stay occupied. I'm so lonely.

I want to drink so badly right now. My AV is ping ponging all over my head 'just a few beers, no vodka' 'you deserve this after what just happened' 'you'll be totally fine by Sunday and you can pick it right back up'.

But I know that's not true...if I pick up tonight I don't know when I'll stop, what will happen or who I'll hurt in some way aside from myself.

I hope this eases up because this is the hardest I've been hit with a craving that I can remember

Alynn

Push through and you will be stronger! Have some ice cream or tomorrow go and buy yourself something to pep you up! I like new make up . Tons of fun make up tutorials on YouTube. Just hang in there. You won't regret not drinking!

I can do all things through he who strengthens me

happyandfree

Don't do it Hawk! Think it through to the end and realize how terrible you will feel tomorrow. It must have been tough running into your ex. But don't self destruct over it. You are moving on and you are doing great. I was really lonely in the beginning and I made myself do some different things and I ended up meeting some new friends. Drinking tonight will not make you feel better. ...you know that. Do you go to meetings? I don't remember. If you do, go to one. Or do something to distract yourself from the craving. Pamper yourself in some way - you deserve it. Eat something or have some ice cream.
You can deal with the loneliness -you can make some changes and the loneliness will go away. You are in a transition now but you can jazz up your social life and meet new people. Life can be good - it can be wonderful. Just hang in there and don't drink. Be proud of the progress you've made. 2 months is fantastic.

Notimetoloose

Your AV is a liar, you are in charge of you and tell your AV to take a hike, you will not be drinking....Drinking will only compound and amplify the loneliness you feel....it does get better....you are doing so well..the last thing you need is a drink.

I am sorry about the run in with you ex, I can only imagine how hard that was....

Have something to eat, go for a walk/run.....ice cream?

mavrick

Hang on in there Hawk, take a bath and relax. Eat something sweet. Remember you are building a new sober life , you will meet new people. If you drink it will only get even worse than last time.

Stay strong!

determined99

Hawk, do not listen to the lies. Read your first posts. Rise above this feeling you have right now as it will pass. I am sure the ex is an ex for a reason. You will meet a new guy soon guaranteed. What will be awesome is you will be clear headed, confident and happy to be you. That is the most attractive quality for anyone. Push past this and play the tape forward. Rise above, you got this.

Tonymblue

Hang in there. Youre just like me. One beer will turn into that vodka. Try a nice cup of chamomille tea. It helps me. Get through it. You deserve it.

2muchpain

I have been struggling a bit myself, but I no longer lie to myself. Sure, I could tell myself that it is Friday, so I'll have time to clean up by next week, but I know that's not how it works. I KNOW if I drink today, I might as well kiss the next week or two or...... goodbye. I have to ask myself, is a week of horrible withdrawals worth it? What do you think? Is one night of drinking worth the sacrifice you know you will eventually make? Two months is great and a lot to lose. You must of worked very hard for that. Time passes and it does get better. John

Hawk07

Wow. Thank you all for the responses. I hightailed to the gym which is where I am now. This craving is a beast. I'll be staying close to SR tonight and will read all of your words of wisdom more closely. I saw the word icecream so I'll be gettin me some of that for sure.

Dee74

Hi Hawk - just take a moment and breathe

You're already getting your life back together.

Give it a little more time and work and the chances are very good that you'll find some new friends, and maybe even someone new in a romantic sense.

Drink now though, and as you say, who know where you may end up.

The AV is very good at taking momentary feelings and then convincing you they're going to be permanent.

They're not.
Things can do and will get better

D

Impurrfect

Hawk - Been there, done that, got the t-shirts.

What I finally realized, the more I worked on recovery, is my ex was an ex for a reason.

Though I'm not really looking for another relationship (still got more work to do on me), I have more friends than I could ever imagine. Life still has it's ups and downs, but "hitting the pillow clean and sober" (a phrase I learned from a friend here) is ALWAYS better than the alternative.

Good for you on going to the gym and sticking close to SR. SR, and the great people here, have gotten me through a lot of tough times.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

happyandfree

Yay for you Hawk - by choosing the gym over the booze you can wake up proud of yourself tomorrow. ...rather than the opposite. Good for you!

Hawk07

Well the craving is still there but much more manageable. I got a good work out in. Went to trader joes....a pound o chocolate w/ almonds, blueberry muffins, chocolate dipped toffee, and ice cream. At least it's not booze and there's a sprinkle of healthy items in there too

When I was drinking I couldn't process anything that was going on in my life. I was just a dud in the water. My ex broke up with me 10 months ago! I should be more or less over it by now but I decided to drink instead. Alcohol put me in a position that didn't allow any growth, healing, or clarity. I just started processing the breakup in these last 2 months of uninterrupted sobriety.

I'm in uncharted territories now, I have never made it this long sober. Mostly I'm beyond happy and grateful to be here but there are times like tonight when it's terrifying and depressing. Learning new coping skills is such a difficult part of recovery.
I appreciate all of your support so much!! You have all helped stabilize me for the night. hugs all around! You people are awesome.

trachemys

(ok, there's a Barry White voice involved here)

Hey, Baby.

You need a Chistmas date. I'm your man.

Don't let being alone be lonely. We got you, here,

Lenina

Hawk, good for you! You might get some of Twinnings decaf Chai tea. It's great hot or over ice. I like it with milk.

As Amy said, your ex is your ex for a very good reason! You're doing great at two months! Have you considered maybe doing some volunteer work? check out what's going on at your library or local book store. They usually have great sober things going on, for free! You can meet some new people, make some new friends.

good job on high tailing it to the gym. Enjoy your treats and stick close to SR.

Love from Lenina

courage2

Good on you for managing the night, Hawk!

While you're enjoying some of those treats maybe with a fun show or a youtube makeover, pause to savor your enjoyment of them -- they're not a substitute for a drink -- they're called "fun" and "pleasure." Something we alcoholics un-learned how to have except with booze. You can and will learn again to experience the pleasures of life!

venuscat

Hi Hawk

I just went to the supermarket in a really bad state after a text from my ex.
I kept thinking about how Dee and others have said that drinking AT someone never works...and as Ames said, our exs are our exs for a reason.

Yes, it's hard being single, especially at this time of year...and the AV can be really loud. But I am like you, and at almost two months clean and sober again, I really don't know what would happen if I listened to my AV. I might never get back here; I might not even survive.

And for sure, I would not be able to process or get through any of the things that I really want and need to be able to deal with right now.

The ice cream and goodies sound heavenly.
I hope you have a nice video to go with that.

Well done on getting through this tonight!!!

Love V xx