Marcher13

I've been sober for over 21 months, I love my sober life, other than the first few wavering months I've been solid in my resolve so I kick AV to the kerb when it appears. Except this week AV is nagging at me saying that I can "just have one" which I know I can't because I never did and that I "deserve" one which I don't, I deserve to be sober.

But I'm tired, very tired. It's the end of the year (we have our own business), I'm physically tired and living near Sydney, like a lot of Sydneysiders I'm a bit emotionally distressed. For years there is a certain dream I have when I'm stressed or overwhelmed, I've had it three nights in a row.

I'm making things as simple as I can for myself, I'm making sure about HALT but there is not much I can do about the tired at the moment. We will be having a break after Christmas but it's now I need to focus on.

So, to strengthen my resolve, I thought I would write this post. I don't think I've started a thread about myself before, I feel a bit embarrassed about doing so but I also know that I say in threads that people should post here if they are tempted to drink or if AV is around.

I'm posting.

Thanks for reading.

Dee74

I think balance is really important Marcher - try and do something for yourself each day - even something as simple as watering the garden, buying a mag and reading it, or treating yourself to that extra Tim Tam

It's also good to remember everyone's stressed...I just came back from my local grocery store and there was nearly a fistfight* over some sale items....

* I was not involved lol

hugs Marcher

D

Soberwolf

Hi Marcher first off 21 months is blimmin fantastic

Sorry your AV is acting up but your doing yourself a massive favor exposing it the way you have keep kickin it into touch

keep reaching out in times like these what happened in Sydney was a very traumatic event for many and im sending you thoughts and strenght my friend

its times like these we all stick together more than ever

Hope this passes soon Marcher

Aellyce

Hi Marcher. I'm sorry you are feeling stressed right now but fantastic on over 21 months! Could you take just one day off and do something relaxing for yourself only? Often when I am feeling overwhelmed, a one-day "me time" can work wonders and there are not so many things that cannot wait a single day really, if too much action is what's causing the distress. If that's not possible, what Dee said: do a little something for yourself each day, especially at times when you would be most likely to think about drinking. Go to bed early if you can. It'll pass. Great that you have posted and please do so again if you are feeling vulnerable -- this is why we are here

Gilmer

Living in the moment--taking mental time to see the positive things in your immediate surroundings--helps.

The opposite helps, too: getting through each minute as mechanically as possible, viewing each minute survived as another notch in your belt. Focus exclusively on how nice the vacation is going to be, and imagine treating yourself in a variety of ways that don't involve alcohol.

venuscat

(((Marcher))) ♥♥

I think this time of year adds a lot of stress. And especially for someone running their own business. Such long hours. I cannot even imagine how tired you must be.

HALT is good, and as Dee said, every little luxury you can give yourself right now can help. You deserve every good thing! ♥

I'm sorry that you have been having a dream that is upsetting; I hope that some good peaceful rest will be coming your way very soon.

So much love,

V xx

Thepatman

Glad you posted. Hope the new year brings less stressful times your way.

I often feel in this day and age that everyone is running, not taking the time to smell the flowers along the way. Something I have to work on.

Anna

Marcher, you're on top of this and I know you can get through it.

It's a stressful and tiring time of the year, and I imagine, with your business, it's especially so.

Try to take a few moments for yourself, if you can.

biminiblue

I feel you, girl.

I was so wound up this morning and nothing was working. I took a very strenuous hill walk and feel better. It's a tough time of the year, and then the tragedy. You'll make it.

((hugs))

JanieJ

(((((Marcher))))

You're always so strong for everyone else, and as others have said, it's time to be kind to yourself as much as possible

Notimetoloose

I find some emotions truly inexpressionable...especially in the light of this tough week here in Sydney...& now Cairns.... compounded with the Xmas frenzy.....

I am learning the real value of talking and sharing...it doesn't come easy to me...I think it is important and along with losing a few gained sober kilos, learning to talk about the hard stuff is going to be my NY resolution.

I also own and operate a business, at this time of year it is tough....meeting deadlines, the juggling..not enough sleep....hmm, I feel a meltdown coming ...

...AND with what seems like everyone around me having or arranging or offering a drink...and asking me "Are you sure, just a little one?"....it does rattle a little...

21 months is so awesome...Will this be your 2nd sober Xmas? Halt is important... what Dee said about balance is good, I would like to learn about acquiring balance as well!...

Marcher, do you you feel better posting?, I know I did and do...it kinda puts it out there so it is not me and my AV trying to slip in, it is me and the affirmation of SR.

Nowsthetime

You are prepared for this and you are going to kick it is the a$$. Did you really think it was gone forever? You know better. You are recognizing it and remember that thoughts are just thoughts and they do not have to turn into actions. You know what YOU want and what your AV wants. I'm so glad you posted...

Serenidad

Don't let that AV lie to you!!! It lied to me after 5 & 1/2 years sober and I drank again and was in hell for 13 months. Now I have 12 days but it has been much harder than the first time around.

Tell your AV to come over to my house and I will beat the crap out of it. LOL.

As others have said, try to carve a little time for yourself if you can. If you don't take care of yourself...you can't take care of anyone or anything else.

Hang in there! The holidays are tough! I was walking my dog today and I said to myself "why did I decide to get sober on Dec 7th? Why not wait until January 1st?" That was my AV! The past 12 days have been really hard and I do NOT want to go all the way to the bottom of the mountain that I have climbed and start over. Trust me...you don't either...YOU GOT THIS! (((Hug)))

digdug

Hi Marcher!

I haven't posted in a while. Why? Work is running me ragged. I was in Chicago, Salt Lake City and Pittsburgh in the span of three weeks. I have two major projects due before the holidays. I'm averaging about 4-5 hours of sleep a night. There have been family issues. There have been health issues (not mine, thankfully). There have been multiple holiday parties surrounded with alcohol.

It's weird though. I don't feel that stressed. Tired? Absolutely. Fed up? Getting there. But I compare myself to myself. This is nothing compared to what I put myself through when I was drinking. This is just life. This is stuff that everyone deals with, alcoholic or not.

My AV doesn't say much these days. Rarely a peep. I think it's because of two things:
1) I know deep in my heart that taking a drink won't make a single thing in my life better.
2) I have surrounded myself with an expansive support system where I can speak freely about my life issues without judgment.

There is but one thing I have complete control over: my perspective. I get to chose how to view the world around me. When the crap hits the fan, I tell myself it's temporary. How I feel at any given time is not permanent. And how I feel tomorrow will likely be better. I chose to remain positive, steadfast and grateful. I chose to not let the stressors of life take over my thinking and actions.

All the other stuff? I have no control over that. I take it as it comes. Last year when I found out I needed both of my hips replaced, I called up my sponsor in tears. His response was simply, "just handle your business as it comes. This is how normal adults deal with problems. Now is your chance to grow up."

Gotta admit, I like being an adult for a change.

Remember, how you feel today is not how you'll feel tomorrow, or the next week, or the next month or year. Nothing is permanent. Everything is temporary, good and bad. So just try to enjoy the ride.

Briar

Don't believe what it's telling you. I've fallen for that line before, and I fell pretty far.

This time of year is very stressful. Take time to slow down and think.

Marcher13

What a difference speaking up makes, the dam burst after I wrote the OP this morning, a bit of a blub helped even if I did have to repair my face before work.

I played my Chant music in our shop today, people remarked on how lovely and peaceful it was and I certainly felt much better because I first got it early in my recovery so it has a comforting familiarity. Ironically some kind customers gave us bottles of wine for Christmas which I will pass on to others -- I did not bring them home. I took Dee's advice and stocked up on some luxurious chocolate ice cream.

And Notimetolose, yes posting did make me feel better.

Let's march on together everyone.

mecanix

Hello Marcher ,
My auzzie friend . Is this busyness part of the season or is it meaning some kind of change to the work life balance is needed ?

I work 50 hrs a week and work can sometimes dominate 60 or more hours of my life ..

Can you get temp staff to cover an hour or two every couple of days , time in which to go swimming or do some pampering ?

For me life seems to have momentum and i find myself committing to stuff , then i get tired and i've got a commitment hangover from when i felt ok … so it's a learning curve … guess who's cooking christmas dinner ? yer neither my mum who's home 24/7 nor my unemployed partner ! grr gah bah humbug !

Well , anyhow , just take care of yourself , keep on

m

HeadLump

(((((Marcher)))))

So pleased and so proud of you for posting Have been thinking of you so much.

21 months is brilliant. Keep your eyes on the prize now - before you know it, you'll be at 22!

Love you, my little aussie one xxx

Marcher13

Thank you so much Mecanix, it's part of the season. We are in manufacturing/retail so, as you can imagine, things are quite frantic at this stage of the year, usually I am on top of the work-life balance. Our business is a second career for both my DH and myself, we had 25 years each of teaching so when we took this on we did it with a view to satisfying work for enough to live on, not with a view to making a motza and working all hours to do that.

Like many Aussies this week's Sydney siege took a great deal emotionally. It's quite hard to explain to global friends but, although we have had awful gun-related events, this put us on another footing, although it was not actually a terrorist event it showed that such things can happen in our little safe country too as Notimetolose expressed above.