A drinking dream
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
A drinking dream
Last night I had my first drinking dream since I got sober 52 days ago. In it, I felt careless and entitled. With only a fleeting thought to my recovery, I poured a large glass of vodka and chugged it. It felt great. I felt great. For a moment, I felt grown up, deserving, free. I felt I had control over my life again, no longer beaten down and repressed by recovery. I was with my family and felt like their leader, like I was the one with the most power and control. I was proud.
Just as quickly, the euphoria began to crumble into confusion. I felt cold and looked around. I was in my car in the liquor store parking lot, and I was scared. I didn’t know why I had done it. My family was gone, and I felt desperate to find them and make sure everything was all right. I was afraid I had hurt them. I didn’t know what to do.
I woke then scared and confused. It took hours to shake off the guilt and the nagging feeling that I was no longer in control of my life. While I knew it had been a dream, my AV quietly suggested that it was vivid enough to have nearly been real. Real enough that perhaps, mentally, it was the same as having actually drank. In which case, my sobriety had been compromised, so I may as well drink now. It seeks anything it can use as a tool to pick apart my recovery.
Others in my class have recently had similar dreams, so I took the opportunity to discuss it with them. Having that conversation helped to normalize this for me and tie me back into the community. It reassured me that I can use this to strengthen my recovery rather than unravel it. I’ve resolved to take this as a warning. It offered a view into the aftermath I will face should I slip.
Just as quickly, the euphoria began to crumble into confusion. I felt cold and looked around. I was in my car in the liquor store parking lot, and I was scared. I didn’t know why I had done it. My family was gone, and I felt desperate to find them and make sure everything was all right. I was afraid I had hurt them. I didn’t know what to do.
I woke then scared and confused. It took hours to shake off the guilt and the nagging feeling that I was no longer in control of my life. While I knew it had been a dream, my AV quietly suggested that it was vivid enough to have nearly been real. Real enough that perhaps, mentally, it was the same as having actually drank. In which case, my sobriety had been compromised, so I may as well drink now. It seeks anything it can use as a tool to pick apart my recovery.
Others in my class have recently had similar dreams, so I took the opportunity to discuss it with them. Having that conversation helped to normalize this for me and tie me back into the community. It reassured me that I can use this to strengthen my recovery rather than unravel it. I’ve resolved to take this as a warning. It offered a view into the aftermath I will face should I slip.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,850
Yes, I've had a lot of those in my journey. I just hate them!
The only good thing I think is that it is just a bad dream, when I wake up sober.
But, there are reasons behind them, I'm sure. Some people say its your brain activity, getting rewired.
I don't know, but they only come time and again for me. But I hate them when I experience it.
The only good thing I think is that it is just a bad dream, when I wake up sober.
But, there are reasons behind them, I'm sure. Some people say its your brain activity, getting rewired.
I don't know, but they only come time and again for me. But I hate them when I experience it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 93
I've been having those a lot lately, several times a week. They're horrible.
In my dream, I've usually poured some drink and I'm halfway through having it when it occurs to me that I "shouldn't be doing this." Then I begin thinking about how I'm going to tell my sponsor and about how humiliating it will be to pick up a white chip.
It's the worst dream.
In my dream, I've usually poured some drink and I'm halfway through having it when it occurs to me that I "shouldn't be doing this." Then I begin thinking about how I'm going to tell my sponsor and about how humiliating it will be to pick up a white chip.
It's the worst dream.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,850
I really think this might be our true inner self, telling us how sick we have been.
The brain is a complex thing, but there must be some reason for it. To remind us of what we were, and where we don't want to go back to?
Don't know. This is a great topic. Thanks .
Sometimes, if I eat before bed, I have vivid dreams. But, I have sleep issues as well, and other medical problems. So, don't know if all are related, or not.
I know for a fact when I go to sleep, any and all issues of my mind seem to have a huge impact on my dreaming. But sometimes, things from the past might just creep in there as well. Who knows?
It doesn't mean a darn thing, because we wake up sober, and ok. But still, it happens.
The brain is a complex thing, but there must be some reason for it. To remind us of what we were, and where we don't want to go back to?
Don't know. This is a great topic. Thanks .
Sometimes, if I eat before bed, I have vivid dreams. But, I have sleep issues as well, and other medical problems. So, don't know if all are related, or not.
I know for a fact when I go to sleep, any and all issues of my mind seem to have a huge impact on my dreaming. But sometimes, things from the past might just creep in there as well. Who knows?
It doesn't mean a darn thing, because we wake up sober, and ok. But still, it happens.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I take a contrary view to all of people, I guess.
To me dreams are dreams - I spent a lot of time drinking, so it makes sense to me that I'd dream about it occasionally.
I still dream of high school too, but I don't want to go back there.
Take them as a warning or a reminder if you like, but personally I never treated them them as a foretelling of doom or my true nature revealed.
I'm still here
D
To me dreams are dreams - I spent a lot of time drinking, so it makes sense to me that I'd dream about it occasionally.
I still dream of high school too, but I don't want to go back there.
Take them as a warning or a reminder if you like, but personally I never treated them them as a foretelling of doom or my true nature revealed.
I'm still here
D
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