So here goes..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Berlin
Posts: 9
So here goes..
Hello,
I'm Paul. I have a problem with alcohol. After a lifetime of partying and binging 3-4 nights a week. I met my partner 10 years ago and moved from Sydney to Berlin.
Since then my drinking, which was always too much, has gone from being social, only drinking with friends at bars, to private at home.
Over the last 5 years I have averaged 3 sober nights a week, while the others I would drink usually 2 wine bottles, often 1Litre bottles. Regret and headache tablets have been my life.
4 years ago I gave up drinking for New Years, even went to about 5 AA meetings. Didn't feel as though I fit in though. Lasted about 5 months before I started drinking.
Since January I have become a father, resulting in a lot more nights at home, not a big problem for me. The first few months my drinking was ok, I was very careful not to drink.
However in the last 4-5 it seems to have gotten completely out of control. I find myself at work at 8am obsessing as to whether I can drink that particular night at home. Realising I will obsess until I give in. It has really started scaring me.
26 days ago I started listening to The Bubble Hour podcast. And even though I'm not a woman in the states, I have found it so amazing and helpful. They talk a lot about finding a community, which is what has brought me here.
I even went back to AA today, though I said as little as possible and was the first out the door at the end.
I have been sober 26 days and have found it to be ok so far. Almost like the alcohol switch went off in my brain. I have been taking it easier and scaling down Christmas plans. But I am scared, I have also been on countless diets, where the switch in my brain went off for 4-30 days, making it really easy to loose weight. But then when it switched back on I was helpless to control my consumption.
I am sure I am emotionally addicted to alcohol, I think the physical addiction could be right around the corner..
I am loving my sobriety, but am very scared about my preparedness for the possibility of the alcohol switch turning back on.
I'm Paul. I have a problem with alcohol. After a lifetime of partying and binging 3-4 nights a week. I met my partner 10 years ago and moved from Sydney to Berlin.
Since then my drinking, which was always too much, has gone from being social, only drinking with friends at bars, to private at home.
Over the last 5 years I have averaged 3 sober nights a week, while the others I would drink usually 2 wine bottles, often 1Litre bottles. Regret and headache tablets have been my life.
4 years ago I gave up drinking for New Years, even went to about 5 AA meetings. Didn't feel as though I fit in though. Lasted about 5 months before I started drinking.
Since January I have become a father, resulting in a lot more nights at home, not a big problem for me. The first few months my drinking was ok, I was very careful not to drink.
However in the last 4-5 it seems to have gotten completely out of control. I find myself at work at 8am obsessing as to whether I can drink that particular night at home. Realising I will obsess until I give in. It has really started scaring me.
26 days ago I started listening to The Bubble Hour podcast. And even though I'm not a woman in the states, I have found it so amazing and helpful. They talk a lot about finding a community, which is what has brought me here.
I even went back to AA today, though I said as little as possible and was the first out the door at the end.
I have been sober 26 days and have found it to be ok so far. Almost like the alcohol switch went off in my brain. I have been taking it easier and scaling down Christmas plans. But I am scared, I have also been on countless diets, where the switch in my brain went off for 4-30 days, making it really easy to loose weight. But then when it switched back on I was helpless to control my consumption.
I am sure I am emotionally addicted to alcohol, I think the physical addiction could be right around the corner..
I am loving my sobriety, but am very scared about my preparedness for the possibility of the alcohol switch turning back on.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Hi Paul, congratulations on becoming a dad. What an adventure that is!
At about 11 weeks sober I'm not qualified to give sage advise, but I certainly can offer encouragement to you. I sometimes worry a little that my alcohol switch may try to turn on again too. For now I really still focus on each individual day....that way it doesn't overwhelm me. Over the next few months I plan to build on my life of sobriety and not just manage to exist without drinking. Early on, it has taken all my effort to just not drink, but I feel that changing my life's whole framework and striving to make it genuinely more fulfilling during 2015 will help keep the switch off. I wish you the best.
At about 11 weeks sober I'm not qualified to give sage advise, but I certainly can offer encouragement to you. I sometimes worry a little that my alcohol switch may try to turn on again too. For now I really still focus on each individual day....that way it doesn't overwhelm me. Over the next few months I plan to build on my life of sobriety and not just manage to exist without drinking. Early on, it has taken all my effort to just not drink, but I feel that changing my life's whole framework and striving to make it genuinely more fulfilling during 2015 will help keep the switch off. I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The Northland
Posts: 600
Welcome, Paul. I've just discovered the Bubble Hour too and have been listening to the podcasts on my commute. Really gets my head in the right place when I get home, no more running to the shelter of my little stress helper.
I've also thought of the similarity between sobriety and dieting. For both, to be successful, the change has to be lasting. You're not on the wagon or on a diet, you are making lifelong changes. Stick around and stay sober for yourself and your family.
I've also thought of the similarity between sobriety and dieting. For both, to be successful, the change has to be lasting. You're not on the wagon or on a diet, you are making lifelong changes. Stick around and stay sober for yourself and your family.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Berlin
Posts: 9
Thank you so much for these lovely messages.
I worked today, horribly busy shift with way too much pressure. That has always been exactly the type of trigger that had me grabbing two bottles of wine and starting a 4 day binge.
However on the train home I listened to some Bubble Hour, have also eaten some Chocolate to treat myself. Im now on day 28 and am really looking forward to day 30.
And I am so excited about starting the year sober.
Happy 4th Advent everybody.
I worked today, horribly busy shift with way too much pressure. That has always been exactly the type of trigger that had me grabbing two bottles of wine and starting a 4 day binge.
However on the train home I listened to some Bubble Hour, have also eaten some Chocolate to treat myself. Im now on day 28 and am really looking forward to day 30.
And I am so excited about starting the year sober.
Happy 4th Advent everybody.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Pleased to meet you Paul. 
Alcohol ruled my world too - for decades. I actually thought it was enhancing my life and making it more fun - helping me cope with problems. Going through our days numb and foggy is such a waste. I'm really happy you are loving sobriety. It will continue to get better, and your resolve will grow stronger. Glad you are with us.
Alcohol ruled my world too - for decades. I actually thought it was enhancing my life and making it more fun - helping me cope with problems. Going through our days numb and foggy is such a waste. I'm really happy you are loving sobriety. It will continue to get better, and your resolve will grow stronger. Glad you are with us.
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