freetosmile

Had therapy yesterday. It was ok. AH still didn't have the ok from the insurance company to leave for treatment, so I've just been dealing with the whole "how many people are you going to sleep with while I'm gone thing".

I decided after therapy that I deserved a coffee. An expensive coffee. I don't have a lot of money, but I had some and well...I just did it.

The lady brought my coffee out to me from around the counter and came up to me.
Her: God told me I really needed to tell you something.
Me: blank stare
Her: Your having a lot of family problems aren't you?
Me: (almost burst into tears but held it together) Yes, yes I am.
Her: God wants you to know that He is with you and He is going to restore and redeem your family. He just wants you to trust Him.

She gave me a big hug. I thanked her and told her I needed to here that. I really did. I'm crying just thinking about it. I mean I wasn't crying when I went in there, no hint of despair, just an average customer. I needed that.

Couple hours later I got the call from insurance. They will have him approved by Monday, so Monday I will drive him to treatment and then come home.

He was so drunk last night. He freaked when he found out he was approved. Now he can't really back out. I mean he CAN, but it would be very difficult for him. He was so mean last night. I slept with the kids.

Today he is very apologetic (of course he remembers virtually nothing....wish I had that problem when he gets belligerent)

ladyscribbler

Big hugs fts. Do you and the kids have a safe place to go if he goes off the rails this weekend? Sounds like he is set on having one last hurrah before treatment.
Glad you had a well deserved moment of peace yesterday. Hugs to you and your kids. Take care.
Just a thought. If he tries to weasel out of treatment, would you be OK telling him that either way he is leaving on Monday? He can either go to treatment or just go. Your family should not have to live like this. You and your kids deserve peace.

freetosmile

Yes we do have a safety plan. And yes, if he does not go to treatment I will ask him to leave the house. He is out of control. And the crap that comes out of his mouth is just bewildering. So this is a deal breaker. Treatment or he may not stay with us.

I have also been thinking about the jealousy and controlling behavior. If he comes back and that has not shown any improvement, I will seek a divorce at that point. Even if he is not drinking. I HAVE to see progress. Not perfection, just progress. That's all I'm asking for.

Hawkeye13

Hi freetosmile;

I think you are doing a wonderful job in a very very tough situation.
You are an amazing person and your kids are lucky to have you

lillamy

I'm so glad you got that message of hope.

And this gives me hope for you:
Not because I hope you will divorce him -- but because you sound like you are fed up with the bad and aren't going to settle for anything but being treated the way you deserve. And that is a very, very good thing. For you and the kids.

changeneeded

free:
I'm so glad that you received a message from someone, and it helped you to feel better.
Just curious, I've not been able to follow any one much here, has your husband been to treatment before?

Kboys

That choked me up Little things like that can make such a difference in the moments that you need them...
So happy for you that he is going to treatment. I hope you get the peace you and your children deserve

freetosmile

No my husband has never been to to treatment before. Has had a love/hate affair with alcohol since he was 13. I would love to tell his story because he had an "ah ha" moment that left him a little over a year sober...and that was when I met him (I wasn't his ah ha moment) but that's when I came in the picture was when he was newly sober.

Really hope treatment goes well for him. Really do, but in the meantime...I need to focus on me

walkinganewpath

Sometimes it is amazing how we get what we need like that - even if we aren't looking or asking for. I know when it has happened to me it strengthens my faith in my HP

The 'experts' have given you great advice so I'll just send you a hug and good luck wishes. I hope your weekend ends up as non eventful as possible and that he honors his agreement to enter treatment on Monday

FireSprite

Wow, those moments really make me stop & catch my breath. Sounds like your HP was DETERMINED to send a message that you would hear!

((((HUGE HUGS))))) I think you are navigating all of this so much better than you give yourself credit for. Hang in there Girl, praying that Monday comes quickly & without further incident!

HopefulinFLA

Wow! This gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes.

I hope you and your kids stay safe this weekend, and that you AH goes to rehab without incident.

LexieCat

Wow, chills for me, too.

You sound great, free.

And I'm glad you splurged on the coffee--you deserved it.

amy55

free,

I think you have been receiving so many "messages" recently. The money from you Grandfather, the opening at treatment for your AH. The love that you are also receiving from this community.

I read this somewhere and I'm not exactly sure how the whole story goes. It's about someone who asks God for help. They are walking with God on the sand. Most of the time there are two sets of footprints. Then the person looks back onto the sand and for a short period of time, there is only one set of footprints. So they say to God, I trusted you, you said you would walk this path with me, why were there only one set of footprints there. God replied because that's when I was carrying you.

I know I really messed up that story, but that's the way I remember, it might be called footprints in the sand, or something like that.

You've been giving yourself to the HP. There may be times when you feel you may not be able to make it, just know God will be there to carry then.

((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
again, you are amazing
amy

HerLastNerve

Got goosebumps reading this. You're sounding strong, hopefully you feel strong. Truly a blessing...

lonelyman

Very nice post. Filled with hope. Good Luck