just left NA and it was great
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: mount vernon,ny
Posts: 87
just left NA and it was great
I woke up this morning at 4:30 and was sad. It's been a long time since he hasn't slept here.. I started it but his reaction was something that I didn't expect. I went to Na at 12:45 to 2:30 and it was great. I shared that I was 2 days clean (which I think is nothing) and the love and happiness that the people there showed me was amazing and uplifting, I never felt that way before.. I'm so sensitive i started crying and laughing at the same time it was just great.they were hugging me and cheering it was different. And I loved it. The problem is that as soon as I left, even before I left I feel like I deserve to get high tonight. I know my mind is crazy, I mean after that great meeting It didn't change anything. I need a sponsor, I need help, I NEEEED a 30 day inpatient, haven't been 30 days clean since I was pregnant with my son 6 yrs ago. I know I do but can't leave him,or my other responsibilities for 30 days. So I'm relying on N.A.and u guys here on SR, to help in any way possible. Thanks for listening to my vent
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
A sponsor is not going to put it down for you. That is something you are going to have to do yourself.
Congrats on starting over again. Why I wanted to post is something you said.
'You don't want to leave your responsibilities for 30 days.' Something to that effect...
EVERY TIME YOU PICK UP YOU LEAVE YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES BEHIND.
IF YOU WERE USING FOR 30 DAYS STRAIGHT, YOU LEFT YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES BEHIND FOR 30 DAYS STRAIGHT.
Sure you can say you "were there" and "took care of things." I guess it all boils to down to what your definition of being responsible is.
There is a difference between being physically there or not. But just because of your physical presence it does not necessarily hold true that you are mentally or responsibly there. I've heard and seen example of a mother being passed out drunk while her small children existed waiting for her to come out of her stupor. But she was there. It is an extreme example. But something you should take a step back and examine.
Keep going to the meetings. Talk to people. Tell them what you said here.
Congrats on starting over again. Why I wanted to post is something you said.
'You don't want to leave your responsibilities for 30 days.' Something to that effect...
EVERY TIME YOU PICK UP YOU LEAVE YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES BEHIND.
IF YOU WERE USING FOR 30 DAYS STRAIGHT, YOU LEFT YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES BEHIND FOR 30 DAYS STRAIGHT.
Sure you can say you "were there" and "took care of things." I guess it all boils to down to what your definition of being responsible is.
There is a difference between being physically there or not. But just because of your physical presence it does not necessarily hold true that you are mentally or responsibly there. I've heard and seen example of a mother being passed out drunk while her small children existed waiting for her to come out of her stupor. But she was there. It is an extreme example. But something you should take a step back and examine.
Keep going to the meetings. Talk to people. Tell them what you said here.
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Hey 914, good to see you hun. (((())))
Well done on two days
You could go back to NA and ask for a sponsor, you have to ask.
Isn't there something someone can do for you in regards to your son ? Could a relative take him perhaps , if you went to inpatient ? x
Well done on two days
You could go back to NA and ask for a sponsor, you have to ask.
Isn't there something someone can do for you in regards to your son ? Could a relative take him perhaps , if you went to inpatient ? x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Back in the day I worked for a residential treatment program for women that allowed women to bring their child. Maybe calling in to your local state health agency or doing some research online, you might see what is available in your area. There are many programs that offer intensive outpatient services that can help you find childcare too. Stay strong and I think its great you went to an NA meeting....that is how I got clean...great great program. Get a sponsor!! And phone numbers...and use them!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: mount vernon,ny
Posts: 87
@L Brain thanks for commenting but I have never used for 30days straight 2 at most but when I say I have responsibilities I mean I have a 6yr old son who's father was murdered By the police in Georgia months before he was born. I also am a fulltime LPN at a hospice financially I can go to a 30 day inpatient and my son can stay with my parents but I can't leave him or my job for that long I will lose my job or they will cut my hours for sure icant not right now anyway
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: mount vernon,ny
Posts: 87
@Janie j I could leave him with my parents but my father doesn't think I have to go to a inpatient he thinks I can do like he did stop by going cold turkey like he did many many years ago but he doesn't know how much I use or spend on coke. I do a great job at keeping him unaware of how much I use cause he's blunt and i will never hear the end of it...I tried telling him before and didn't work in my favor. Gonna get a sponsor tomorrow for sure.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
So glad to see you back! I've often thought of you & wondered how you're doing...
I also have felt that in NA, & when I came back to recovery & went to AA. That profound relief & sense of being cared for, so rare in my life experience that it made me cry. Weep, really.
NA is just the spine of your recovery - all the flesh & fluids are yours to provide. Tears are part of that.
Just don't use, no matter what. You have everything you need to be Clean...
I also have felt that in NA, & when I came back to recovery & went to AA. That profound relief & sense of being cared for, so rare in my life experience that it made me cry. Weep, really.
NA is just the spine of your recovery - all the flesh & fluids are yours to provide. Tears are part of that.
Just don't use, no matter what. You have everything you need to be Clean...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
my heart goes out to you 914, just thought I would toss out a provocative message to get you thinking.
Seek out all the help you can. Reach out to people in the program. There's power in numbers. But as heartcore suggests, the final burden of recovery is on you.
Seek out all the help you can. Reach out to people in the program. There's power in numbers. But as heartcore suggests, the final burden of recovery is on you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by LBrain 
A sponsor is not going to put it down for you. That is something you are going to have to do yourself. Congrats on starting over again. Why I wanted to post is something you said. 'You don't want to leave your responsibilities for 30 days.' Something to that effect... EVERY TIME YOU PICK UP YOU LEAVE YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES BEHIND. IF YOU WERE USING FOR 30 DAYS STRAIGHT, YOU LEFT YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES BEHIND FOR 30 DAYS STRAIGHT. Sure you can say you "were there" and "took care of things." I guess it all boils to down to what your definition of being responsible is. There is a difference between being physically there or not. But just because of your physical presence it does not necessarily hold true that you are mentally or responsibly there. I've heard and seen example of a mother being passed out drunk while her small children existed waiting for her to come out of her stupor. But she was there. It is an extreme example. But something you should take a step back and examine. Keep going to the meetings. Talk to people. Tell them what you said here.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
