Thatdeliveryguy

He searches for an answer, he's the omnipresent character of wanting! He wants so bad to quit and for all the pain and chaos to end. He wains for the day it all stops, he needs it to stop. He wonders why live in such a hellish place, why do this, who does this to themselves.

The deluded delusionaire, wants so desperately to rejoin life with the living. Yet, he silently fades away, he doesn't know his value. Hospitals and hospitals and ambulances and clinical help.

I am nursing the hangover again puking and watching my innards be ejected into the toilet. Watching my life and time on this rock being flushed. Wondering how much pain one person can stand.

Foggy headed and angst ridden. Chewing on my shirts, chompping on anything I can. I just wanting it all to stop. Shaky and blood sugar deprived again, the heart burn the sweating.

I am deluded in thought, deprived of hope and amiss with guilt and anxiety, nobody deserves this, but I brought it on myself. I wrought upon myself the pleasures of addiction and insanity.

How I wish I could turn this around, being a deluded delusionaire is to exist but not know the joys of existence.

I suppose I need professional help, I am supposing I am crazy and out there, I think, I know, I want to thrive and do more than subsist, but I don't think that is in the cards for me.

I am here bowing to the porcelain god, watching everything I ever wanted all my hopes and joys and wishes go down the bowl. I watch as I wither away and get lost in an addiction I don't understand.

Somebody lock me up, throw away the key, and save me from me. I am certainly not doing that ( saving myself), I am just watching it all go away.

You know, I used to be afraid of dying of this insidious habit, now I am more afraid of living with this habit. I don't know how to really "live" I haven't in ages.

So for now, off to my world of delusions and being deluded. i need to revisit the porcelin God, rethink my reality and existence, and try to find answers. Such a horrendous, horrible way of life, looking for the exit to longterm sobriety, maybe somewhere this deluded delusionaire will find his answers.

Good day folks, thanks for reading sorry to be down.

SoberLeigh

Jeremey, I hope that you go to the thread you started last night. The responses, sentiments, and expressions of concern and support which you received there apply with equality to this new thread.

Lenina

TDG, I know what you mean when you say fearing to live with this disease. I felt the same way. Please do reconsider inpatient treatment for alcohol addiction. I didn't want to go either. But it saved my life and my sanity. Give yourself this gift. Go inpatient and commit to stay the full course. I stayed 30 days. I came out with a new attitude and insights.

Please do this. I believe you have so much to offer.

Love from Lenina

CAPTAINZING2000

thanks for reminding me why I stay sober each day

bunnezjp

Ever think you've missed your true calling? Like descriptive poetry?

Bunnez

Anna

Prayers continue for you and your family, Jeremy.

ScottFromWI

Call the hospital you were at, they will know exactly what to do. You will most likely be taken against your will eventually like last time if you don't. If you can't do it for yourself do it for your daughter.

Nowsthetime

Sorry to hear this... The ball is in your court.

Thepatman

Trying to make sense in what I'm supposed to say, as I have spilled my guts in your other thread, wondering if what I say helps or does more arm. I guess these words suffice.
--
Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.

Buddha
--

chickippo

this is not the time for purple prose. this is the time to get serious.

what is your plan?

Ultramarathoner

I wish you the courage to allow yourself to be well.

jryan19982

Your daughter needs you.

Your daughter needs you to get better.

Your daughter needs you to stop drinking.

Your daughter needs you to get healthy.

Your daughter needs your love.

Your daughter needs your fatherly figure.

Your daughter needs you to walk her down the aisle.

Your daughter needs you to stay up late and make sure she is ok when on a date.

Your daughter needs your advice and wisdom

Your daughter needs you in her life.

Your daughter needs you!

How can you make this happen? Inpatient. Call. Go. Get better. Get your daughter back. She needs YOU. If you dont do it for yourself do it for HER.

ccam1973

Jeremy, you do have the power to make this stop. Don't let your AV fool you into thinking you are powerless and your situation hopeless.

You have the strength; it's up to you to dig deep and take a stand. Tomorrow is a new day, the next hour is a new hour. Day by day, hour by hour, you can make this happen...

Soberjoy1

I had a brother who suffered from schizophrenia. I grew up around it and know how horrible it is. Dealing with alcohol addiction on top of that is something I can't imagine. I read posts like this and all I can hope is that someone who loves you will commit you, for your own sake. Please call and go to inpatient, if you are able.

I don't know you well, but that is said out of love, in case it's not clear.