Sungrl

Let my xabf back in my life recently.

Last night he got ahold of my debit card and stole 300 dollars form me.

I have never felt so ashamed and hurt, I had the courage to leave him before and I don't know why I set myself up for this again.

I am defeated and I don't know how to cope.

Katchie

I don't know all of your story, but hugs to you...I'm sorry he did this to you and so close to Christmas. Do you have a support system?
If you kicked him out once, you can do it again. $300 is nothing compared to the mental anguish of staying with him.

marie1960

You are not defeated here, my friend.

Look at what you have learned. Think it's safe to say, you know exactly what you will never accept in a partner.

Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and go forward. Do not look back. Block him, and go no contact.

You deserve so much better.

Guess you could file a police report, and I believe he should be prosecuted for theft, but that may also keep you tied to him for additional time. The choice is yours.

lillamy

So, here's how I see my own codependency: I want to trust people. I want people I care about to treat me like I treat them. I generally expect people to be decent, caring human beings.

The problem for me starts when people don't live up to my expectations. When they are rude, abusive, or simply don't care about me. When they don't treat me as well as I treat them.

It's hard for me to let go of my expectations and see that my expectations are the problem. You know the old "when people show you who they are, believe them" thing?

There is no shame in wanting to believe the best of people. There's no shame in giving people a second, or even a third chance.

But there is something unhealthy about continuing to believe in our expectations when someone over and over again shows us that they are not who we expect or want them to be.

You have a right to take care of yourself, to protect yourself from a person who repeatedly takes advantage of you. There's no need to feel shame about having been taken advantage of. (((hugs)))

Sungrl

Thank you. I understand completely how the alcoholic feels after a spell of sobriety. You feel so strong and that you can beat the monster. It seems so simple and BAM you try one more time thinking you finally can do it, finally can handle the same exact situation, but better, you know? I had the tools, I have literally come to this site every day for years now. (OMG) and here I am again, let down, trampled on , used and degraded, what the hell made me think this time would be different? I'm not that dense. I swear!

maia1234

Sungrl, I am so sorry he did that. It could have been worse, he could have take 600.00. Count your blessings and walk away knowing for sure that you did the right thing.

((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Sungrl

I hear ya, my bank only lets atm's dispense 300 at a time.

After all these years I know precisely when things are off and I knew something was up. I was able to call and cancel the card.

I mean it grinds my gears I was sharing my bed with a freaking thief!

Sadly Ladies and Gents this is not the first time he has done this to me.

He had shown me who he was about three years ago when he did this the first time. Let that be my daily lesson to you all, a leopard does not change his spots. He just bites you in the ass over and over again. My experience anyway.

FireSprite

Wow, that was pretty brazen, eh? I'm sorry he took advantage of you like that, that really sucks. (((((HUGS)))))

Sungrl

Thanks, but I walked right into it. I am amazed at my own stupidity.

I mean after all he promised me it would never happen again.

lillamy

Well, you're kind of in a lot of company when it comes to that kind of stupidity. Don't beat yourself up too hard. If I had a dollar for every time I believed my ex when he promised me that something he had done would never happen again, I'd give you the $300 and still have change...

Fandy

why not press charges...He stole your bank card. MORE THAN ONCE!!
file a police report.

FireSprite

ABSOLUTELY! I don't know why I didn't think of it that way!!!

Sungrl

I did. I'm not sure what can come of it. He had my PIN.

Never changed it from the last time. Always hid the damn thing.

Let my guard down and there you go. Guess that's my 600 dollar lesson.
Going to the bank after work for a new one and a new PIN number.

fool me once , shame on you. fool me twice, I'm the idiot, but go f*** yourself.

funny you should say that because he actually sent me a text and said he was going to give me what's left of the money back and turn himself in. Where is the Quacking thread when u need it?? For the record I did not reply.

Cleo1234

So sorry this happened to you. My xabf also did this to be once with my bank card and then months later he wrote himself a check for $500 and forged my signature. Regardless, if they are drunk or not when they do this, i have realized that this is the type of person they are! Please look out for yourself!

hopeful4

Ugh, I am so sorry. What a jerk. Now you know, for sure, who he is. I am glad you filed a police report.

Tight hugs...

dandylion

Sungirl....Stop beating yourself up. You didn't do the bad thing: He did.

$300 lesson: An active alcoholic is not capable of keeping their promises (even if they think so at the time). They can't trust their own promises--so, neither should we.

You made the police report. It is behind you--leave it behind you (but don't forget...LOL).

dandylion

Fandy

whether or not he "remembered" the PIN number...it is YOUR bankcard, with YOUR name on it....
PRESS CHARGES...just on principal alone...HE STOLE YOUR MONEY!!! it is NOT a joint account.

and tell the slime-snake that you are filing a police report. change everything including your locks, phone number and anything else.

why be wimpy at this point, HE stole YOUR money...(can you tell that I do not tolerate this kind of crapola)? No one would ever DARE touch my bankcard or my accounts. i change PINS frequently on the advice of the bank. (every 6 months, its a pain)


oops-----i misread your post, (i need to wear my glasses), i see that you did file, good for you.

NYCDoglvr

I'm so very sorry this happened to you. Don't beat yourself up, it's a learning experience. I had to go through several of those as well. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." What made the difference, and the reason I didn't just pick another screwed up guy was Alanon. At the heart of addiction (both codependency and alcoholism) are denial and rationalization. But I promise we can change!

Sungrl

I want to apologize doglover. I did not mean to group my X in with all alcoholics when I said they don't change.

I know change is possible. I greatly respect addicts that do recover and stay that way as I have seen firsthand how controlling it is.

I think M can recover too. He just doesn't seem to want it bad enough.
I thought I could hang around and save him, change him , whatever.

I thank my HP everyday I found SR because it taught me just the opposite.
He may actually save himself if I get out of his way.

Stealing my money (again) was pretty low obviously and I am beginning to see that he may be a slime snake regardless of the alcohol and drugs

NYCDoglvr

Hi Sungal..........what I meant is that we codependents can change. I'm both a recovering alcoholic (23 years) and codependent. I got involved with a very destructive, self-destructive, recovering alcoholic in my 16th year of recovery and it caused me enormous pain. I lost more than $300, I lost my business because of him. I cut him breaks and stayed in what was the most miserable relationship of my life. It was Alanon that that taught me I can pick someone healthy. The support I got during the most painful time saved my sanity.

Of course alcoholics can change, but they must want it very much and work like a demon doing Steps and therapy. Unfortunately the statistics are very poor, a low percent get and stay sober, but it's possible. But today I'd run from the recovering alcoholic who nearly destroyed my life because I let him! The blinders are finally off.

God bless!