matilda123

Hi, all:

I'm 78 days in and so happy with my life right now. I sleep so well, I have energy and joy and a calm focus at work. I feel joy.

So why is the prospect of moderating my drinking creeping into my head?

The logical part of me knows that isn't a path I can go down, but the monkey part of me wants to think it could be true. Not sure if this is about the holidays, approaching visit with drinking family or what. I even caught myself googling "moderating alcohol"--huge red flag. Posting here to keep myself honest and on track. Did anyone else go through something similar around this time? Suggestions on how to beat that AV back?

Dee74

Those thoughts enter peoples head at some time or another in early recovery - I was still having them at day 70, for sure.

Thoughts are thoughts Matilda - it's what we do in response that counts

D

strategery

I would try to remember why you quit drinking in the first place. One of the things that really helps me is thinking of anything I feel that I have lost, attribute to, or experienced as a consequence due to drinking alcohol that I really regret.
I haven't reached that 70 day mark yet, but I wanted to share in case this helps you.

instant

Feeling good can be a major challenge. I think it helped me to accept that there is part of me that just wants to drink irrespective of consequences. If i drink or entertain that part of me it will take over.

So committing to sobriety means having to put up with thought from time to time that promote the use of alcohol.

it's easy to deal with once you accept it.

jayman

The longest I've ever gone without drinking, since I started at least, was 42 days. That was earlier this year. The last day a friend invited me out with other friends to watch a game. I thought I was fine and no one offered me a drink as they knew I had stopped. The rationalizations going through my mind were fierce, I kept saying to myself, "One beer won't hurt, just one." I broke down and had that beer and everything I'd worked for in those 42 days went out the window. I ended up getting a bottle on the way home and started binge drinking. Point is, from my limited experience, that little thought that comes to mind that tries to rationalize that drink is what needs to be brushed aside or avoided. Easier said than done I believe, but the one thing I didn't do when I gave into temptation was talk it out with someone. My intention is to reach out via this forum the next time I feel the need in addition to making that phone call.

dwtbd

Best suggestion to beat back at the AV? Rigorous self honesty. What does caught myself googling mean? Huge red flag is thinking that "something" other than your logical/rational self is in control of the googles.

Tang

AV or whatever, you think you are normal now and can have a drink because you feel like a normal person. You are not normal. You are allergic to alcohol. I can never forget that I'm not normal.

matilda123

Thanks everyone. And thank you, jayman, for sharing that story. It is a useful reminder. I've tried to moderate before, and it hasn't worked. I keep reminding myself what attaboy said (the thing that really stopped me in my tracks): people who don't have problems with alcohol don't think about moderating. It isn't part of their lexicon.

I think part of what might be happening is that my partner just accepted a new job. It will allow him to advance some professional goals and for us to pursue some personal ones too, but it also involves more travel. I always used to drink alone (when I told my partner I had a problem with alcohol he was surprised, but I was good at "moderating" when he was around--usually). Anyway, I think there is a part of me that is fearful about being home more evenings without him.

matilda123

Thanks everyone. And thank you, jayman, for sharing that story. It is a useful reminder. I've tried to moderate before, and it hasn't worked. I keep reminding myself what attaboy said (the thing that really stopped me in my tracks): people who don't have problems with alcohol don't think about moderating. It isn't part of their lexicon.

I think part of what might be happening is that my partner just accepted a new job. It will allow him to advance some professional goals and for us to pursue some personal ones too, but it also involves more travel. I always used to drink alone (when I told my partner I had a problem with alcohol he was surprised, but I was good at "moderating" when he was around--usually). Anyway, I think there is a part of me that is fearful about being home more evenings without him.

pattyspaw

Hey Matlida don't give in; you've done so well thus far; I hear, and read, a lot about having will power; how about using your won't power on this

Conquest

Good question, Matilda! I caught myself wondering the same thing today (day 67). I don't know why, but I know it's a lie, not an option for me. I've tried it many times before and it's never worked long term. I think I've convinced myself now. At least, I really hope so. This sober stuff rocks and I want to hang on to it.

And congrats on your days! Keep em comin!