Serenidad

I need some advice. Anger & conflict are HUGE triggers for me. I just had someone I do business with treat me extremely rudely for no reason! Really?!? It's the last time I will do business there!

Anyway...my first thought was "screw you, I'll hurt me!" Usually when someone treats me poorly for no reason...it makes me angry....and I drink! I FEAR conflict! Probably because I grew up in a home with 24/7 conflict. :-(

Anyway...today is day 10 and I'm not gonna drink! This woman is NOT worth it! Any tips that you guys use in situations like this?

Thank you!

SoberLeigh

Breathe, sweet Serenidad, breathe. Rise above rudeness and recognize your value - we do.

Serenidad

Oh yeah SoberLeigh...that BREATHING thing! Thx!

SoberLeigh

So easy to take for granted, isn't it !!!!!

matilda123

Boy, I can relate to this one, Serenidad. I have the exact same reaction. Was a cutter too as a child, so I used to literally hurt myself when I was angry (and of course, with alcohol, I was doing the same).

One strategy that has worked for me is to let myself feel the feeling. I used to sort of stave it off because I hate conflict too, but then it would bubble inside of me. I try to let it wash over me like a wave and, if it seems productive, try to figure out what it is I'm reacting to. For example,when I'm angry it is often because I feel hurt or disrespected. If the relationship seems worth it, I will tell the person calmly what I feel and what I need. That has been a huge and scary step for me, but an empowering one. If the relationship isn't worth it (someone I don't know well is rude), I acknowledge what I feel and move on.

I also refuse to let people I dislike compromise my sobriety. Why give them that power? That is what I tell myself. A little mind game, but it helps.

Congratulations on 10 days, Serenaded: you're doing great. Don't let those turkeys get you down.

desypete

wow what an amazing thing, you are pissed off at someone and not going to pick up a drink on it ?

sounds like your learning the right way to be to me : )

now the trick is to let them go and not live in your head or your heart

for me i would say things like I WILL SHOW THEM, OR DONT THEY KNOW WHO I AM, HOW DARE THEY lol

yep get drunk on it that would show them alright and maybe tell them what i really think about them : )

of course the next day being sober i would have to try to undo all that i did in the first place and wish that i had never let them get to me or that i never did pick up that first drink

so at least your committed to not picking up that first drink.

so what are you going to do for the rest of the night or day ? are you going to vent and stew over it all or how about doing somthing else instead ?
give a sponosor a call and let all your anger fly at them get it off your chest, or go to the local meetings and either share about it or talk to another memeber there ?

at times i used to have to go out to the shed with a hammer and just bash the hell out of a block of wood lol

then go out for a walk and saying the serienty prayer over and over again but trying to think about what the words mean

especially the words that say accept the things i can not change, accept the things i can not change, accept the things i can not change.

accept the people i can not change works as well : )

good luck to you and it will pass, just so long as you do the right thing and of course do not pick up that first drink so be proud of it as your doing it

PurpleKnight

There's gonna be ups and downs in life Serenidad, and some people will rub us the wrong way!!

Anger is justified, it's a natural reaction, but drinking over anger is not, that's giving addiction way too much power, there are other ways to deal with it!!

Hang in there!!

Clementina

Hey Serenidad,

Congrats on Day 10!!! And sorry to hear people are being crappy. You're doing the right thing by staying sober and coming on here.

You know what helps me even more than a drink when I'm really angry? Working out!!! I love doing a bunch of push ups when I'm frustrated/angry. And running. It's like I turn into superwoman!!! You get fit AND you get to release it all through physical activity Worth a try if you haven't already!

Also.... exercising regularly, I find, helps lower my anger levels overall. It prevents me from getting aggravated and helps me stay patient with other people. (Some study I was reading about recently said that divorce rates would be significantly lower if everyone ran for just 1/2 hour per WEEK.... I totally believe it!)

Feel better~ Hope your day improves!

BadCompany

Ask yourself, "is this the hill I want to die on?"

Hawks

Stick with your sobriety, your sponsor and all that.

One day not too far away, you'll be able to walk away from those experiences thinking "Oh well, that was a little unpleasant "...... And just get on with your day

ArtFriend

I used to have hair trigger anger years ago. If someone looked at me the wrong way I would get pissed. And if someone was rude...all bets were off. My mom told me to pick your battles...and I made everything a battle! Exhausting. So, I realized that I didn't have to react to every slight or perceived slight. It was OK to just say whatever and let it go. Anger hurts your heart. Don't let it fester. As a friend used to say to me, "chill baby cakes"

mistory5

Like said"This woman is not worth it" if u drink and when your back in the living hell u won't even be a thought in her mind. You can do this. Hang in there and believe in yourself!

Magvnj

The Serenity Prayer always helps me in these situations. Also I think maybe that person is going through something at home. Marital, money, children, illness. We all have problems and sometimes we take them out of those who have nothing to do with it. I don't know if that helps but thinking of the other person helps me. Counting to ten and being the better person too. HA HA

AnvilheadII

she herself maybe be having a really bad day....maybe she found out her mom is very sick, or someone ran over her dog, or a tree fell on her house causing thousands of dollars in damage. or maybe her alcoholic husband came home drunk again last nite............

Taking5

If you're in AA, google "AA righteous indignation" and you'll find of good stuff.

Dee74

The good thing about recovery is that it teaches us to value ourselves, even when others don't.

Value yourself Serenidad

D

Fly N Buy

As an alcoholic, I had to learn skills dealing with anger - I cannot have it in my life. This is a luxury I cannot afford or it will kill me.


Practice, practice, practice and pray for them......

CAPTAINZING2000

Best revenge is living well and prospering

LBrain

Dee is double posting again - you don't have to pad the numbers Dee.

Serenidad, I admit I used to have a very short fuse. But when I got angry the only one who suffered was me. I have discovered that when someone pulls out in front of me it is much better to apply the breaks than hit the horn.

As for people, as long as it doesn't get too out of hand or physical, say a silent prayer for that person and maybe they'll get better soon. Be proud that you can handle these situations in a calm manner. Try to develop observational skills and don't let these situations become personal. I'm sure this person is like this with other people too. It's their problem not yours.

lunar

Good post.
I recently made a solid 10 weeks,
feeling great, etc. etc.
My usual triggers were gone..... or so I thought.
Without going into detail, my once-a-year
travel plans were ruined by a work partner,
due to a health issue, which I had advised him
to address for....hmmmm, 10+ years???
I went temporarily mad, relapsed and binged for 2 1/2 weeks.
Totally unexpected.
Very scary. (I thought I was going to die during withdrawal).
Shameful on my part.
Big mistake.