Putting my money where my mouth is...
...holds the key
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Putting my money where my mouth is...
Literally.
When I started this journey of sobriety 12 (yay) days ago, I knew it wouldn't be easy...but I wasn't prepared for just how unsupportive my alcoholic partner would be.
Actually, he's been more a saboteur than anything...along with being a master manipulator ( like all good alcoholics) and intimidator.
Long story short...I had to leave my home in order to save my sobriety.
I've been staying with a lovely friend, but because of the holidays, she needs her guest room back
So...I will be moving into one of those extended stay hotels this weekend...and it's not cheap! Of course, I'm certain I spent more money on booze...so, maybe I'm actually saving money!
See, I've made a commitment to put my sobriety FIRST. Period. Maybe what I'm doing seems extreme...I don't know...all I know is that my life had become extreme. Extremely depressing and extremely meaningless!
See, alcohol was going to kill me one way or another...probably by suicide, and I'm unwilling to live like that anymore.
So, yeah, my life is pretty upside down right now. I'm feeling a bit insecure, but I'm sober and I'm alive. And I have hope today which is something I didn't have 12 days ago!
Thanks y'all for supporting me through the past 12 days!
When I started this journey of sobriety 12 (yay) days ago, I knew it wouldn't be easy...but I wasn't prepared for just how unsupportive my alcoholic partner would be.
Actually, he's been more a saboteur than anything...along with being a master manipulator ( like all good alcoholics) and intimidator.
Long story short...I had to leave my home in order to save my sobriety.
I've been staying with a lovely friend, but because of the holidays, she needs her guest room back
So...I will be moving into one of those extended stay hotels this weekend...and it's not cheap! Of course, I'm certain I spent more money on booze...so, maybe I'm actually saving money!
See, I've made a commitment to put my sobriety FIRST. Period. Maybe what I'm doing seems extreme...I don't know...all I know is that my life had become extreme. Extremely depressing and extremely meaningless!
See, alcohol was going to kill me one way or another...probably by suicide, and I'm unwilling to live like that anymore.
So, yeah, my life is pretty upside down right now. I'm feeling a bit insecure, but I'm sober and I'm alive. And I have hope today which is something I didn't have 12 days ago!
Thanks y'all for supporting me through the past 12 days!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: canada
Posts: 748
12 days is a great accomplishment especially with an unsupportive partner and being displaced. I know that it's really hard, but it really says something that you are putting your sobriety first. You've taken on a really big game and are showing a lot of courage. Keep reaching out for support whenever you need because we are here to sit with you when the going gets too tough to do it alone. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Brynn -
My experience is that we have to do whatever it takes. This IS a matter of life and death.
When we give up alcohol, there are some aspects of our lives that we are able to adapt and adjust, and others that we simply have to flee and exclude.
When I got sober (four months today!) in August, I was living with a man who I really, really thought was "the one." He was a very heavy drinker, but didn't have concrete repercussions in his life from his drinking. I did - I am dealing with health issues related to alcohol which ARE at this point literally life and death.
It was a newer relationship, but we were in love, and I fully expected that when the doctors told me I had to stop drinking, he would find a way to be supportive - whether that meant quitting beside me for a while, or clearing the house of alcohol, or, well, whatever.
I assumed that I had so much value to him, that he would move mountains to keep me safe.
What he offered was that he would step out on the porch to drink each drink, and then come back inside. Um.... Huh...
I tried for a couple of weeks, attempting to ignore all the beers in the fridge, going to AA meetings. I relapsed twice during those weeks and realized that I couldn't. Some can. I couldn't. I asked him to leave and ended the relationship.
I still miss him. I still sometimes question whether it was the right thing. I am still sober.
It was at high cost. And that's okay. That immense price that I paid early on actually has helped me to stay sober, because if I started drinking again now, I would have lost that love for nothing. Except... when push came to shove, it turns out that he was unwilling to be uncomfortable temporarily in order to help me with a major issue. No human being owes another that level of support, but it is what I want from a true partner. It is what I am willing to give, and I would expect it to be reciprocated. So, really, the whole thing just showed me what he was made of, and that isn't what I thought. False gold.
"We are willing to go to any lengths" - that's what the big book says...
I congratulate you on your courage. You are brave and committed and inspiring.
My experience is that we have to do whatever it takes. This IS a matter of life and death.
When we give up alcohol, there are some aspects of our lives that we are able to adapt and adjust, and others that we simply have to flee and exclude.
When I got sober (four months today!) in August, I was living with a man who I really, really thought was "the one." He was a very heavy drinker, but didn't have concrete repercussions in his life from his drinking. I did - I am dealing with health issues related to alcohol which ARE at this point literally life and death.
It was a newer relationship, but we were in love, and I fully expected that when the doctors told me I had to stop drinking, he would find a way to be supportive - whether that meant quitting beside me for a while, or clearing the house of alcohol, or, well, whatever.
I assumed that I had so much value to him, that he would move mountains to keep me safe.
What he offered was that he would step out on the porch to drink each drink, and then come back inside. Um.... Huh...
I tried for a couple of weeks, attempting to ignore all the beers in the fridge, going to AA meetings. I relapsed twice during those weeks and realized that I couldn't. Some can. I couldn't. I asked him to leave and ended the relationship.
I still miss him. I still sometimes question whether it was the right thing. I am still sober.
It was at high cost. And that's okay. That immense price that I paid early on actually has helped me to stay sober, because if I started drinking again now, I would have lost that love for nothing. Except... when push came to shove, it turns out that he was unwilling to be uncomfortable temporarily in order to help me with a major issue. No human being owes another that level of support, but it is what I want from a true partner. It is what I am willing to give, and I would expect it to be reciprocated. So, really, the whole thing just showed me what he was made of, and that isn't what I thought. False gold.
"We are willing to go to any lengths" - that's what the big book says...
I congratulate you on your courage. You are brave and committed and inspiring.
Ya**!
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Canada! wtf eh?
Posts: 1,123
I see it as an extreme dedication to saving your own life, Brynn. Which this battle requires.
As always, your presence, example, and dedication inspire us all. Be safe Brynnster and well done.
As always, your presence, example, and dedication inspire us all. Be safe Brynnster and well done.
...holds the key
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Thanks for the support y'all and for sharing your story heartcore!
I was so naive going in to this...duh...this whole thing has definitely been an eye-opener.
Someone asked about staying with family....the family I have nearby are heavy drinkers and because of that theres a lot of arguing/stress in that house....not a good place for me at the moment, even though I'm sure they would respect my decision not to drink...I can't take the stress over there! I'll take my chances at the Marriott!!
I want y'all to know that making the decision to get sober is the first DELIBERATE decision I've made in a very long time! Just been kind of floating along.
It's been incredibly empowering!
I was so naive going in to this...duh...this whole thing has definitely been an eye-opener.
Someone asked about staying with family....the family I have nearby are heavy drinkers and because of that theres a lot of arguing/stress in that house....not a good place for me at the moment, even though I'm sure they would respect my decision not to drink...I can't take the stress over there! I'll take my chances at the Marriott!!
I want y'all to know that making the decision to get sober is the first DELIBERATE decision I've made in a very long time! Just been kind of floating along.
It's been incredibly empowering!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
You are making the right choice for yourself.
I think this is an example of "doing whatever it takes" to get your sobriety.
Be proud--many people would not have the courage to step out of their comfort zone and do this.
It is worth it--wait till you see how great you feel a few months into sobriety.
I think this is an example of "doing whatever it takes" to get your sobriety.
Be proud--many people would not have the courage to step out of their comfort zone and do this.
It is worth it--wait till you see how great you feel a few months into sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Albany, NY
Posts: 75
Brynn,
I think that you are incredibly strong. I don't know if I could have done what you did. Read the big book. Find comfort in it's words and know that you can NEVER put anyone or anything before your sobriety.
Best of luck,
coco
I think that you are incredibly strong. I don't know if I could have done what you did. Read the big book. Find comfort in it's words and know that you can NEVER put anyone or anything before your sobriety.
Best of luck,
coco
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
WOW!! That is a brave and determined move, and the best move you could make, putting your sanity and sobriety first.
You have real courage Brynn. This is easily the bravest thing i've heard all week.
Allowing someone else to coax you into unhealthy behavior is easy to rationalize, but you won't let it happen.
Well Done!!!
You have real courage Brynn. This is easily the bravest thing i've heard all week.
Allowing someone else to coax you into unhealthy behavior is easy to rationalize, but you won't let it happen.
Well Done!!!
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