Timeiskey

I wanted to share with you my experience last night at my first Coda meeting. I have attended both AlAnon and AA and did not feel very connected to the experience. However, at Coda, the sharing really hit home. After learning the foundational steps of all programs, working on my Codi issues on this site and through my readings, it was very refreshing to talk to and hear about this issue in a larger context (beyond the alcoholic connectors). For me, the issue resonates past my alcoholic ex BF and my mother to all facets of my life.

Someone in the meeting mentioned how their Codi issues allowed them to be railroaded at work. Another talked about how their addiction to an individual led them to other addictive actions that would suggest that they were driven to the bottle or drugs, but in fact, after many years of discovery, they found that it all centered on the Codi addictions. As I explained my own situation, I heard my own controlling Codi traits when I described the things that I had asked my ex ABF to change...it was the first time that I was able to really see my own issues of control and self-esteem.

I wanted to share, because I have found a in-person community that speaks to me. I am not putting down AlAnon, but I want to suggest that if any of you can get to a Coda meeting, you might want to try it. I am so thankful to have found my people here in the big easy

CodeJob

So glad you liked it! I mentioned to my sponsor I though it would be a better fit for me. She thought it would be worth me trying, but I think I'll wait until I'm through the steps via Al Anon first... She was pretty open to it, though I have a super sponsor.

Timeiskey

That is great Code! I hope you get a chance to check it out.

Hangnbyathread

Please continue to share your experiences.

I have had some fairly confrontational discussions here about seeking out something besides 12 Steps. For many it is usually the only thing that is readily available, is anonymous, and is free. They support it and that is fine if it works for them. But it doesn't work for many. I personally watched my XAGF exploit the weaknesses of the 12 Steps. Finally her and her sponsor had a falling out and she has yet to return. I have not said a word to her about it. It isn't my program. She remains abstinent as far as I know, but I consider it just that, abstinent. Any day, I expect she will be hammered again. I just won't be around to see it....hopefully. Her AC sister will be here for the holidays. She will be pissed that her sister isn't drinking, a fight will ensue and we all know the rest..........

I am in the process of taking a position elsewhere and moving away. But I still hope she finds the path that works for her.

Timeiskey

Hangin,
I respectfully disagree. I think all these programs work for many people. I am sorry that your wife isn't engaged with it. Neither was my mom, but hey, you have to really want to change, you know? Before this last relationship, I wasn't honest enough with myself or clear enough about my issues to take on a program. It's a tough road. I wish you all the best in your journey. My intention in posting was just to bring up the coda option. Many of us are intertwined for our A person- husband, mother, brother, son... The element of alcohol is entirely present but if you are removed as I am now, then something a bit more focused in a different light might be more beneficial. I wish all the best on their paths.

GraceIsAces

Thankfully CoDA for 20yrs here and the layers of the onion are still peeling away the years. I'm really thankful for the new expanded definition of addiction to a person, place or thing. As I work through an addiction to a person I see how I'm getting my fix off the shame or abuse associated with it. Then the fun of kicking and working the steps on it really rev up.
Keep peeling the onion.

Hangnbyathread

You made mention that you didn't feel connected to your 12 step approach. That is where I was posting from as a frame of reference. Didn't mean you didn't want help, you just didn't feel connected to that particular pathway.

hopeful4

You deserve support, I think it's great you found a group that works for you!

CodeJob

Coda is 12 steps based. People really get torqued around here about non AA/Al Anon paths? If you are making progress, that is a good path.

Personally I rue the day I just didn't go with Rational Recovery. That would likely have been that.

Hangnbyathread

Ohh gotcha. I didn't know they had programs to help you work programs. I thought CODA was for Co Dependency issues. My bad.