FunTimesBobby

Hi all.

I'm 33 y/o male. 6'1" 220lbs.

Over the past 9 months or so, I've been drinking heavily every day.

I've weaned down to a couple of drinks a day on my own a few times, but as soon as I start sleeping and waking without withdrawals I let myself go again.

On my bad days, e.g. if something in life triggers me, I could do 20 units in a day, and never get properly balckout drunk.

Recently my insurance improved. Lately I've been on the heavier side of the drinking scale, so yesterday after having consumed 600ml of rum between 1PM and 6PM, I decided to go the ER and get some Librium.

They gave me 4mg of Ativan on the spot, and despite the 200ml bottle I'd consumed just before leaving, was still coherent and moving, albeit a bit wabbley. I mention the latter not as a brag, but to illustrate the type of tolerance I've developed.

I went home and went to sleep at 11, and woke up at 7. The shakes were back, but from a mental standpoint everything was pretty good.

I was given 25mg every 8 hours of Librium. An hour after the second pill I hand had eaten lunch, I was still shakey.

So I have myself the excuse that the Librium hadn't built up yet, so why suffer? I had a 200 ml bottle. I don't feel very intoxicated, but I worry (and just the fact that I'm worrying proves that I'm still mostly sober) that I either don't have enough Librium from my cross tolerance, or that because I drank I'll need more than 4 days to totally dry out.

I know I did something stupid, but I was hoping you guys could quantify it on a 1 to 10 scale, with 10 being most stupid.

BTW: I asked my GP earlier for Naproxene as per Sinclair method, and he wouldn't give it to me. I have to follow up with behavioral health and ask for Antabuse.

Now, I think I'll take a nap in order to protect me from myself, as that 'just one more' feeling is already in the back of my head.

Anna

The best thing to do is to talk to your dr about drinking while taking the medication or possibly to go back to the ER and ask questions.

Soberwolf

I completly agree with Anna here bobby

speak with a doctor or go to your nearest ER

FunTimesBobby

I mean, I know I'm not gonna die. The CNS depression in not much right now. I'm having telephone conversations for work and not slurring.

I guess my greatest concern at this point is that I may have wasted a day of Librium. Between the 350ml of hard liquor and the soon-to-be 75mg of Librium, I could guesstimate the same GABAergic stimulation as a half liter to 750 ml of booze.

I have that followup with behavioral health tomorrow. I can explain what I did and ask for a day or two more of benzo in a addition to antabuse to prevent this from happening again.

I asked for it at the ER already yesterday but they didn't want to give it to me because I had been drinking that day.

I respectfully think the PA that attended me made a mistake there. I woulda had no booze in me by today, and I coulda lived with the shakes.

TBH, rationalizations about the mild shaking are just that. I coulda lived with the shakes no problem. My main motivation was to mix the benzo with the sauce.

ScottFromWI

I'd recommend you look into a supervised detox. Whether your nonchalance about it is intended or not, you are in real danger of harming yourself.

anattaboy

Best wishes on stopping the booze now and taking the pills as directed. Been down the road yer fixin to go--you don't want to mix those. (Unless of course you get off on handcuffs and crappy food).

FunTimesBobby

It's not intended. To my credit (if I deserve any) I don't go out and seek benzos even though I know where to get them, because I realize that I could convince myself to have 'just a little' Ativan after a liter of hard liquor, and that's how I'm most likely to die at this time in my life.

In short, I don't trust myself with them.

It's uncool to brag about tolerance in any context, and much more so here.


I can't afford supervised detox right now (or maybe I can't afford no to in general).


Tomorrow I need to get this antabuse in me.

I learned this drinking behavior not long ago, in my late 20s, and I hold out hope that I can un-learn it.

If that doesn't work the I realize abstinence for life is a must.

Thanks for the reply.

(or a coffin)

Thanks for the good wishes, and don't worry about me. I got this. I've already submitted to a higher power: my wife. She went to the ER with me yesterday when I admitted to her that I didn't think I had the stomach/strength to wean myself one more time. Now she's all excited that I'm being proactive.

Last thing I want is her to come home to me drunk AND on Librium. It would break her heart.

Dee74

It's not clear to me that you understand Librium is a benzo?

D

Dee74

.

FunTimesBobby

I do, sorry if I wan't clear. Lorazepam and Alprazolam is what I have access to and don't buy.

I realize I'm using Librium because of the longer half life and thus the lower potential for dependence on another GABAergic.

Dee74

Ok. Thanks for clearing that up.

Gotta say, I hope you'll think about detox Bobby - I agree with Scott - I think you need some supervision.

D

FunTimesBobby

double post

FunTimesBobby

My hope is that I'll get the antabuse from behavioral health tomorrow and this won't be an issue anymore.

It has a really long half-life, and I will chew on it in their presence if they renew my Librium for even just 2 more days, and myabe up the dose.

As you know, benzos don't give you the euphoria, so it will be easier to wean off of those, should I even have any need to wean at all.

(I have a high cross-tolerance, but my anxiety symptoms are easy to deal with).

If this doesn't work inpatient is the obvious next step. I realize that I'm the worst kind of drunk: a good drunk. No one is gonna have an intervention for me, and I have no rock-bottom experiences to motivate me to fix this.

Just the opposite, in fact. People like me better, I like people better, and I like myself better when I have a few in me. And then my frontal lobe goes off-line, and a few turns into many, and I still don't poop the bed. {literally or figuratively)

My grandpa has a great expression about this, and it roughly translates to glorious nights and catastrophic mornings.

Combine that with my fellow functioning alcoholic friends who I booze with and laugh about it, because it's easier to laugh than to cry. They're also 'good drunks', and like all good drunks, they don't get drunk, but instead we get 'nice'.

Once the withdrawals start kicking in, though, and you're laying in bed in the winter before sunup dying for a liquor store to open, promising yourself 'just one or two' so you can get your mind right and go back to being functioning, then it's at that point that you aren't getting nice at all. You realize at that point that your default state is awful.

I realize the severity of my situation.

ScottFromWI

Yet.

FunTimesBobby

And this is only through the grace of God, assuming She even exists.

I'm on borrowed time as to that, and I realize it. I've had my share of close calls. That's the main reason that I want to cash out now, while I'm ahead.

ScottFromWI

Do you have any plans for support other than the detox drugs and antabuse? Most of us need more than that once the initial withdrawals are done.

Zebra1275

I know I did something stupid, but I was hoping you guys could quantify it on a 1 to 10 scale, with 10 being most stupid.

I didn't see any one else give you a numerical answer to your question. My answer is 9.5. You are playing with fire. The best option for you would probably be an in patient detox.

BirdsAteMyFace

This thread has kind had me at a loss all day. I feel like I'm missing something. Are you trying to get into recovery for alcoholism or just lessen your physical dependence on alcohol?

Either way, I wish you luck. Withdrawals are no joke.

FunTimesBobby

Thanks for noticing and replying to that specific question.

Wish you woulda come out lower though. 9.5 outta ten!

Then I had 300 ml of 86 proof Whiskey.

I'm only mildly intoxicated and I still have my 3rd 25mg librium to get me through the night.

As I was saying above, tomorrow I have a followup with behavioral health, and I'm going to insist on anatabuse, so this doesn't happen again.

FunTimesBobby

I'll consider outpatient if in patient continues not working out.

I have a follow up with behavioral health tomorrow and I plan to insist on antabuse.

I can't believe that it's this much easier to get benzos than antabuse. Ethanol has a short half life, I was ethanol free this morning, and the ER PA coulda given it to me yesterday, and I wouldn't be having this problem right now.

I asked for it, and that by definition is 'non-drug-seeking-behavior;.

On my drunkest day I'm not dumb enough to take anatabuse when I'm still metabolizing booze.