viola71

So just got done with the therapist yay Mondays. Coming to terms that with my history (stalked in college for over a year), abusive father, passive aggressive mother. I have been running away from that feeling of being completely alone. With our Xmas trip home looming I just don't feel like I can participate in the image my AH likes to portray(his family consists of addicts and those in recovery) this year, I just don't have it in me. So saddened by the fact that he doesn't have my back, but really learning that he has never had my back. I think that I am coming to terms with the fact that I don't have a partner and I don't have a supportive family, and I am terrified of feeling alone. Anyone have any thoughts how I can embrace this fear and make it my "$#%*@"?

hopeful4

I think you need to break it down some. What are you afraid of in dealing with being alone? Of feeling alone? Are you scared of the dark, don't like to be alone, what? I say that b/c it really helped me see there is some major peace in being alone. I was not afraid of any components really, just the big picture. Future tripping if you will.

Tight hugs, we are always here with you.

dandylion

viola...I just suggested a book in meggem's thread which address this very thing in great detail.

dandylion

viola71

I used to be afraid of being attacked again I am more afraid for my children on that topic. For me it's the weight of responsibility of raising my children alone, but in all honesty I have already been doing that for years. I lived alone, paid my way etc, then this awful thing in college happened and it paralyzed me. My parents didn't care, my family was too busy I felt abandoned by the people I loved and who should have loved me. I am avoiding that feeling of being abandoned again only this time being abandoned for alcohol.

hopeful4

Is the counselor addressing this as part of your recovery?

XXX

maia1234

V- I am so sorry for all the crazyness in your life. You have every reason to feel sorry for your self. You have so many things that can over whelm you. I have never been alone either, I was 15 when I started dating my husband, moved in together when I was 18, married him when I was 26. We just divorced after 34 years together. You talk about being afraid.....

I just got tired of his selfish BS. Never around to help, always out drinking, I would do everything with the house, dog, kids, and what needed to get done. As I am sure you do too. You should ask yourself what are you afraid of that you aren't already doing yourself. Probably nothing. If you have children....YOU WILL NEVER TRULY BE ALONE!! I read that some where and it is true. So I think when you think of the big pix of your life it is over whelming. But you can do this and you will do this for you and your kids.

What you need to do is the little things and the big things will take care of them selves. I still can't do restaurants or movies by myself. That is something that I will try and tackle. I would never wait in a bar for my XH alone, I would always wait in the car. These are the little things that you will have to do and you will get them done.

We are all in the same boat, but just different obstacles. Good Luck!!
(((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

viola71

Yes my therapist is working through all of it. She actually believes I have PTSD from college and my current AH issues so we are working on me. Perhaps when I see myself start to re-emerge I will feel stronger and have more direction. Thanks for all your comments. You really reminded how much my children love me I have been the glue and just this morning my 17 yr old son gave me the longest bear hug he must have sensed how much I needed one.

hopeful4

Well, I send you a huge bear hug too!

XXXXXXXXX

maia1234

V- I am sending another BEAR HUG!! You are loved more then you know!!

It will be OK!!

Hawkeye13

Sending you a hug too and strength to keep moving forward.
You are worth it.

bird13

Sounds like you have wonderful children who love you so much? Or child? That is a nice hug to have. I often feel alone, but I (maybe others in recovery) have a tendency to feel that way in general b/c I start thinking everyone is off living their lives doing their own thing and I get more into that hole. In reality, I have a few close friends who are always there if I need to talk, ( good people can always come into our lives if we ask our higher power for help with that), and the people I think are not really there for me sometimes ( family) are there, to the best of their ability so I have to make do with what God gave me and there is some support in there from them, maybe not exactly as I would like it to be// I try to take what I like and leave the rest as they say in Al anon. I don't know if this helps, but this is how I break things down when I am feeling blue...

After my breakup I had to make all new friends. A lot of fake ones surfaced, and just people who were fooled by the Alcoholism too. I was all alone and one by one, I met people, and it slowly changed. ((hugs to you.)) Whatever you are feeling just know that it can change day by day and we can attract loving supportive people into our lives.