seek

I understand why most people use this forum for their stories of woe (I myself have done so many times and am glad it is there for that). BUT . . . I would love to see more focus on what we can do to help ourselves be healthy. I don't see that so much and would love that support.

Today I am wondering what to do about Facebook. I love Facebook, but when my grandson is free, I don't like it so much - I don't want to unfriend him - it's a problem for me. Not sure what I will end up doing.

I am going to an Alanon meeting tonight.

I went to see him today (in Detox) and was very emotional. Cried while there, then felt bad.

I went for a long walk and journaled about it to process a bit and it helped.

I found some very inspirational sayings on Facebook yesterday that I printed out for myself (about boundaries).

I understand there is nothing I can do to help him. I have to help myself.

soullong

It's late, just signed on and have to sign off and get some sleep! Healthy things that I am trying? Sleeping enough, challenging myself, getting in better shape (intense exercise helps me and my moods!), trying to eat right...or at least try to make progress! Reading the daily sayings from books like "The Language of Letting Go"and the daily sharings from the batonrougealanon.org site (and they have a mobile app), listening to and accepting my feelings without going overboard...Reading tons of stuff (like books on boundaries) to help see where I can improve and ideas to experiment with! Still need to get into the step work...and find a meeting that fits better...

seek

I created this post several hours ago, more than 66 people have looked at it and only one person responded (the others didn't even "like" it) . . .what does that tell you about support for actually trying to be healthy?

It's not encouraging.

I went to an Alanon meeting, cried at the meeting (heard some sad stories that triggered my grief and worry about my grandson), came home, am relaxing and "feeling my feelings."

Sleep is crucial to me, soullong, as is inspirational reading.

I was thinking yesterday how cool it would be to read real meaty stories from people who have been through the darkness with this disease and have come out the other end. I have read a lot of parenting books having to do with alcoholism, and a lot of educational books, but I have not seen any biographies or anything similar. I am a person who likes a lot of detail and most of what I read is very surface-y . . . I like to hear how it IS for people and what their processes are.

I do feel my spirituality is carrying me - and I thank God for that - that is a real blessing.

I have let go of most of my family (in terms of trying to rely on them). I spent Thanksgiving alone, by choice, and am thinking of doing the same for Christmas - not sure how that's going to work out but not stressing about it and hope I don't.

Taking good care of myself is Number One.

mjz

I had a very good BBQ chicken flat bread today for lunch. It was healthy.

seek

Awesome! Eating good, healthy, enjoyable food is so important. There was a time when I could not eat at all - nothing but one banana a day for a long time (and I am not skinny!).

Cleo1234

Thank you for this post. I'm also interested in what others are doing. For me, I'm doing/working on:

(1) working out 5 times a week
(2) therapy twice a month
(3) trying to eat healthier
(4) reading self help book

NWGRITS

Trying to sleep more, which really is sort of a life and death matter for me. My immune system is FUBAR, and not getting enough sleep causes me to slowly start shutting down.

I have five kids - one with ADHD, one semi-nonverbal (these two are my steps, and are primarily with their bio-mom, who is a waste of oxygen), one genius, one autistic, and a toddler who I swear is half monkey - and a husband who leaves for weeks to months at a time for his work. I work from home and homeschool my autistic daughter. Yes, I'm exhausted.

I try to fit in my hobbies and enjoy music at every available opportunity. There are always speakers on somewhere in my house streaming my music. I try to exercise. Right now I have a bad knee, so that's pretty much standard housework for exercise. I meditate, eat a whole food diet, practice holistic heading, and take baths in a dimly lit bathroom with as little noise as possible as often as I can. Mr. Grits is really good about giving me time to myself because I never get it when he's gone.

Soberintexas007

Wow, and I thought I had a lot on my plate!

auroraxborealis

I have a standing appointment in town every Saturday at 10:00am. Alanon meets 9-10, and I asked my client if I could move him until 10:15. I was really nervous, thinking he would say no. But he said no problem. Now, as long as I get up and get my butt out of bed, I can start going to Alanon and stay through the whole meeting on Saturdays!

LeeJane

Nice idea, Seek.

I have a standing arrangement with my best friend for coffee Tues and Fri. NOTHING gets in the way of that.

I am on a tasty and healthy eating plan to get myself in optimum health and target weight (only a few more pounds to go), I attend a weekly motivational group for this. Not 12 step or anything to do with (boring) alkies. Just normal and main stream, and I totally love it!

I eat three balanced meals a day. Keeps my mind and body nice and stable. Plenty of fluids. A wide range of healthy foods. I cook from scratch.

I dress nicely and take care of my hair, wear make up.

Have stopped swearing and being generally loutish!!

I have created a calm home. I enjoy taking care of my home. I have zero tolerance for anyone bringing loudness, insanity or stress in here.

I give myself the treat of an afternoon nap every day. This has helped my energy levels so much as well as being a joy.

I am very caring over my health and see my doctor, dentist on regular basis. My tooth care is up to date, I am on appropriate medications for my time of life. If I have pain of any sort, I treat it.

I rest when needed. I don't push myself to point of collapse.

I have stopped having caffeine. I eat and enjoy lots of fruit. I don't eat energy draining and crazy making sugary and junk foods.

I walk in the opposite direction of other people's pity parties, maudlin stuff, raging alkie stuff etc. I am careful of my environment.

I delight in paying all my bills on time, owing no money to anyone.

I don't hide things, I do not enable my AH. I enjoy the firm boundaries I have and live by.

I enjoy the normal and sane small quiet joys in life. I notice things, like nature, a lovely sky.

I am in touch with my sponsor daily. I have built up good and supportive friends and offloaded the toxic insane ones. In turn I am a good and supportive friend myself. I am also a good and reliable sister.

I see red flags on people now and know to keep away instead of being drawn like a magnet towards them and trouble!

There are more. The above list is the exact opposite when I was an active A myself, a chronic enable of my AH, codependent and people pleaser.

I have been sober about 4 years. The programs I live are a mix made to suit my exact needs. So some Al-anon, some ACOA and some OA. Codie No More was a massive help to me.

Very thankful.

LeeJane

double post

lillamy

A friend suggested making a list of things that are conducive to health and happiness -- and making it when you're not in a state of crisis. That way, you have something to refer to when you are in a state of crisis -- sort of like a "list of medications" you can take.

I'm really focusing on relaxing and enjoying Advent. Not stressing and overdoing and trying to create the perfect Christmas. Enjoying a cup of tea by the Christmas tree and a good book. Breathing. Not giving in to the anxiety but fighting through it. Praying. Crying when I feel the need to. Curling up with the kids and watching a movie we all enjoy. Making myself a sandwich at 2 am when I can't sleep. Taking a mental health day from work and staying in bed and designing my dream home in my head (it sounds super silly, but forcing your brain to focus on something tangible, problem-solving, zaps energy from the emotional side -- I have friends who play chess or solve Sudoku or do crossword puzzles when they're anxious -- I build houses in my head.).

I'm very limited in what I'm able to do outside the house right now, as I have a kid who needs 24/7 supervision. So that puts some severe limitations to what I can do -- but I can breathe and listen to music and lie down and hold my sick kid and sing to her. There's always something you can do.

anattaboy

Treadmill and Cosmic kids Yoga

happybeingme

Seek

I had a post for you and than my kindle took a dump.

Anyway, two things. One you don't need to unfriendly your grandson just stop following him. This way you won't see his posts unless you go to his wall.
Two you can hear real life stories of addiction by attending an open AA meeting. You will certainly be welcome

redatlanta

I backed out of a film this week. I had signed on about a month ago, they switched the filming schedule to night shoots from 10pm to 10am. I had agreed to do the shoot originally working around some things during the day they agreed to. When they flipped to night shooting that meant I either had to be zombie exhausted and work through it during the day, or cancel my day work and **** some customers off. I decided to back out of the film - a very "unlike me" thing to do. I'm glad I did. I think I would have gotten really sick.

Overall I have slowed the quantity of work down so that I am not constantly tired. As a result I feel better, and can't see any difference in $$$. We got our house decorated last weekend and right now I am sipping on a hot cup of coffee enjoying the lights.

Nice thread - thanks Seek!

CodeJob

I spent the bulk of the weekend at two running events.

The relationship with my running buddy is really something special. We will probably meet for a nice dinner in Jan and select our big races for 2015.

I did blow a bit of extra energy putting up some Xmas lights outside. But before I did it I determined I enjoy them, so it would be worth the effort. I did manage to snag my kid to help. He is tall enough and I instructed him on the few tricks to make them stay in place. Next year, it might be his project to own.

I took a writing class this semester for my personal enjoyment.

I continue getting a massage once a month. I've found a person close to my house and she is fairly reasonable. I don't get touched a lot. It really is weird to have to offset the lack of physical touch. But for now, this works. It has also helped my daily shoulder pain!! It has been worth every penny to have a few days a month with NO pain.

I also meditate.

I laugh a lot. I talk to people at work. I work very hard to stay connected and open at work and with my son. My H is not ready to deal with me. I stay on his periphery. Someday in the future he will reach out or I'll be ready to move on alone.

barelybreathing

What am I doing for me? Journaling, listening/dancing to music (which I loved before getting together with my xabf), counseling, enjoying time with friends, reading (to quiet the voice in my head that is worried about xabf), read and post on SR (this has been a lifeline for me). I am desperately trying to get into the Christmas spirit, but I am afraid it isn't going to happen this year. Everytime I am sad and cry I try to pick myself up by doing something just for me!

walkinganewpath

Thanks for this thread. It's true that often we are more likely to vent/share when things are tough but I agree we often forget how important it is that we try to focus on the positive and to "...have the courage to do the things (we) can..."

Some of the healthy positive things I have been doing include:

- Al-anon meeting at least once a week - twice when I can or feel the extra need
- Therapy every other week
- Getting enough sleep so I'm not grumpy
- Detaching from my AH by not taking ownership of his 'stuff'
- Not sweating all the small stuff
- Taking my blood pressure meds

I would like to start focusing more on my physical health - ie getting some exercise and eating healthier. But I'm happy so far with the mental, emotional and spiritual improvements I've been working on.

shil2587

I have been saying no more often. Especially at work where I often work stupid extra hours because I feel guilty when I don't. So now I am focussing on always leaving by 5pm and saying no when asked to do something unreasonable.

I am also finally adressing some health issues such as a long sustained injury that hasn't healed. I am just being more mindful of myself and my needs I guess.

Also not setting myself goals or having a fixed schedule. I tend to be an over achiever so needed to pare things back.

dandylion

seek....in response to your post about wanting more "meaty stories"..LOL!

I don't know if you are familiar with Hazelden in Minnesota. (a highly regarded recovery center). They have a great publishing house--dedicated to all manner of topics related to alcoholism and recovery. I have read some of their books....but, you may not find all of them in some of the common places like amazon, for instance.

If you are truly interested....I suggest giving them a call and ask what is the easiest way to avail yourself of their publications....

Hope this is helpful....

dandylion