Help with boundaries?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 6
Help with boundaries?
Hi everyone,
It's been a while since I've posted and I'm happy to say that I'm six months sober tomorrow.
What I'm having trouble with right now is my girlfriend. She went to outpatient rehab for drinking for 2 months and did a great job. Last Friday, after about 2.5 months sober, she picked up again. And then again today. I know that her sobriety depends on her and not me, but I feel at a loss. She says that this is something she wants to do, but she keeps getting frustrated and drinking, then frustrated again.
I guess what I'm asking is: does anyone who has gone through the program themselves have any experience with this? Maybe not necessarily trying to help, but just trying to be there for them. I've been told the best thing I can do is just be supportive but I want to make sure that I do that the best way I can and not make things worse. I know that we both have our path to sobriety.
Thank you all!
It's been a while since I've posted and I'm happy to say that I'm six months sober tomorrow.
What I'm having trouble with right now is my girlfriend. She went to outpatient rehab for drinking for 2 months and did a great job. Last Friday, after about 2.5 months sober, she picked up again. And then again today. I know that her sobriety depends on her and not me, but I feel at a loss. She says that this is something she wants to do, but she keeps getting frustrated and drinking, then frustrated again.
I guess what I'm asking is: does anyone who has gone through the program themselves have any experience with this? Maybe not necessarily trying to help, but just trying to be there for them. I've been told the best thing I can do is just be supportive but I want to make sure that I do that the best way I can and not make things worse. I know that we both have our path to sobriety.
Thank you all!
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
Congrats on six months of sobriety, kmm.
Has your girlfriend been finished with outpatient rehab for half a week or 2.5 months; sorry, I am not certain from your post. Does she have post-rehab support - therapist, AA?
Has your girlfriend been finished with outpatient rehab for half a week or 2.5 months; sorry, I am not certain from your post. Does she have post-rehab support - therapist, AA?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 6
Thanks, SoberLeigh. She has been done with rehab for about a month, maybe a bit less (sorry if my timeline is confusing). She started in early September and finished in mid/late November. She does have support through AA, a home group, and a sponsor (that she had to have lined up before she left outpatient). We are going to try to get her on my insurance so that she can start going to therapy.
I really think it's something she wants. We just need to figure out what works best for her and I am just struggling to figure what I can do that does the most help and doesn't hurt the situation.
I really think it's something she wants. We just need to figure out what works best for her and I am just struggling to figure what I can do that does the most help and doesn't hurt the situation.
xxxx
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
[QUOTE=kmm230;5076870
I really think it's something she wants. We just need to figure out what works best for her and I am just struggling to figure what I can do that does the most help and doesn't hurt the situation.[/QUOTE]
the best thing you can do is NOT enable or practice codependency. What YOU can do is let her do the footwork, encourage her but don't carry her. It isn't up to you to determine what is best for her and by saying your struggling to. Figure out what you can do, I get the impression you are going beyond being supportive.
What hurt my situation every time was people trying to carry me.
What worked best was for people to let me put in the the footwork. Over the years, that meant many people walked out of my life and that was the best move for both me AND them.
I really think it's something she wants. We just need to figure out what works best for her and I am just struggling to figure what I can do that does the most help and doesn't hurt the situation.[/QUOTE]
the best thing you can do is NOT enable or practice codependency. What YOU can do is let her do the footwork, encourage her but don't carry her. It isn't up to you to determine what is best for her and by saying your struggling to. Figure out what you can do, I get the impression you are going beyond being supportive.
What hurt my situation every time was people trying to carry me.
What worked best was for people to let me put in the the footwork. Over the years, that meant many people walked out of my life and that was the best move for both me AND them.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
I agree with others here that your gf needs to do the footwork. It's her recovery.
There's nothing wrong with you being supportive and encouraging her to continue with her recovery, but you're the support crew, not a co-driver
Have you checked out our Friends and Family forums here as well kmm?
D
There's nothing wrong with you being supportive and encouraging her to continue with her recovery, but you're the support crew, not a co-driver
Have you checked out our Friends and Family forums here as well kmm?
D
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