strategery

Hi all,
I have felt like a wreck all day emotionally, which I think might be due to the fact I am approaching the one month mark this week. I think the major problem is I thought I'd be more together approaching the 1 month mark in sobriety, but I don't feel that together. I am watching myself closely since I feel I am getting into dangerous thinking territory by expecting something that may not be reasonable at this point in time.
Any advice?

DrunkTx

In 2011 my wife and I ran the NY marathon. We were supposed to run together. My wife patterned around mile ten, fizzled at mile 13. We split at mile 13, I ran 8:30 miles for the last 13. Our combined times sucked, we didn't finish together, we both felt like we let each other down. I was still a drinker then.

Three years sober now. Know what I realize now? I ran and finished a damn marathon, as did my wife! How cool is that, and not too many can say the same! What's my point? Sometimes it feels sucky, but damn it, your a month sober, YIPEE! Be grouchy next week. This week, celebrate 30, even if you think 31 is impossible.

Anna

I agree that it's best to be careful with your expectations. We are not all the same, but at one month I was definitely not together, just beginning to believe that maybe I could really do this.

Try to focus on how far you've come and keep on working on your recovery. Congratulations on one month.

SoberLeigh

A sober month is great, Strat, truly great. In the total scheme of sobriety, it is still 'early days'.

Stick with it, Strat; there are so many benefits of sobriety - the good, better and best are yet to come.

Thepatman

Give it time. And a lot of it.

We tend to expect that after we remove the bottle from the equation, that things will turn around in a 360. The momentum, for example of a train takes a while to come to full stop, even if the emergency breaks are on.

trachemys

What a damn fine piece of experience and advice.

biminiblue

At one month I was still all over the place, emotionally and physically. Some days I would sleep 14 hours. I would eat entire half gallons of ice cream in a day. I was going to AA meetings every day, so that got me dressed and out of the house every day, but the meetings added stress that I was ill-prepared to handle.

At two and a half months I hit that "pink cloud" that everyone talks about. I thought life was wonderful, and I really did feel like I was walking on air.

There is a physical process, I don't know if it is a universal experience, but I imagine it is.

There is an emotional process, and in my case a spiritual process. Sobriety was my job for the first four months. I still had difficult days and great days. That continues today at nearly ten months.

Hang in, you're doing great! I had some tough moments at milestones, too. You'll make it.

Fly N Buy

I found changing my expectations about many things brought / brings more peace. Initially I learned to accept how I felt. At 30 days I couldn't expect to make up for many years of abuse.

I have come to adjust my expectations about who I am, what others should be and how the world around me behaves.

I need to just be and adjust accordingly. I am not suggesting we shouldn't work for betterment in our lives on all fronts but it takes time for regeneration across the board.

Stay the course - be thankful for not drinking today and easy does it

Kind Regards,
FlyN

Tiptree

Hey, 30 days is great, congratulations! But it is so early on, please don't let yourself get derailed by unrealistic expectations. I've learned that there is no set timeline. I don't struggle with my AV at 400+ days like I did at 30 days, or even like I did at 180 days, but I will admit that this time of year is still really challenging. So I'll be checking in a bit more with SR and other forums to keep myself on track. You do whatever you have to do to hang in there too. It will get easier so long as you don't pick up that drink. We'll be here rooting for you!

Dee74

At one month I just about had the not drinking bit down. I was still a hot mess

We drank for years, I think we need to remember than we we look at our recovery.

We're used to immediate gratification - I had to learn patience, big time LOL

I think you're going well strategery

D

WIP17

I am really glad you posted this. I too am approaching 30 days this week and not feeling super together. I think what helps me is when I start doubting myself or AV starts to kick in, is to recognize it and take a deep breath. I myself think I need more sober friends. I'm finding myself worried about the holidays and New Year's, yet that's really not happening today. Being in the moment and enjoying what it happening today seems to help me stay focused and not revert back to bad habits. I know I can't go back to that dark place and I don't want to. We can do this!

seasky

This is all such beautiful advice !
This forum has given me so much in just a week...

Strategery ~ one month is a huge accomplishment
Take it in ~ and keep it rolling

strategery

Thank you all so much for your kind and thoughtful responses. They were just beautiful. I am inspired that sobriety does get better. I think part of me thought as soon as the alcohol went away, I would somehow be this amazing person within a month. However, it has been years of abuse (more than what I anticipated) to where I need to be more patient with myself and adjust my expectations.
Thank you so much again! You guys are amazing!!

matilda123

Congratulations on one month sober! What has been said here resonates with my experience: at one month, it is about not drinking. And then the magic begins!

Ruby2

Hey, it does get better but sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. I'm not a very patient person but I've had to learn that I need to slow down and take a deep breath.

You did something that I didn't do the first time around. You reached out and said "I'm having a tough time". When I started to do that it diminished the pull of any urges and made things easier.

I've got a year under my belt but it's still tough sometimes. I know I'm probably not going to drink if I am bored or unhappy or angry but it's still uncomfortable to deal with. I drank every single night for twenty years except when I was either in treatment or pregnant. A lot of behavior to relearn. So, keep coming back and reaching out and doing what you are doing because you have almost thirty days and that is great.

matilda123

Ruby2, you are so right. I realized after I posted that it might have sounded like things are easy. They are getting easier, but there are still a lot of challenges, challenges that are omnipresent in a way that they weren't before now that I'm not drinking. But, as Dee once said, we don't have to drink over it. And, there are other things that are feeling easier, and I try to keep that inventory in front of me as inspiration.

Strategy, you are doing so amazingly well!

MelindaFlowers

I felt emotionally raw at a month. I just kept my head down and stayed in the day. "I will not drink today" was my mantra. Just out one foot in front of the other.

Eddiebuckle

Totally normal to feel that way at a month. Mood swings, inability to concentrate or do complicated tasks are all part of the deal - it is your brain and central nervous system healing, and it does go away over time.

Eddiebuckle

duplicate post

Soberwolf

When i got to a month i expected nothing by reaching a month i knew i was on to something and the longer i stayed sober the more i witnessed small miracles