Shooter127

Well, lets call this my confession. 2 years ago I decided to quit drinking. It was a SERIOUS problem. My girlfriend left me convinced I was a just a drunk loser and would never change. I the next weekend I went to a Detox, and kicked it. Started AA. She took me back and we moved in together shortly after. She's so supportive. She hasn't had a drop of anything since then for me.

Thats the end of the good story.

When I went to close up the cottage for the winter by myself a few months later I had a couple of beers. It wasn't long before I was back into the vodka. The difference now. My whole family as well as her doesn't know. They're so proud of me for quitting and they tell me all the time. I'm hiding it from everyone. And oh boy can I drink. 750ml of Vodka per day. I'm so scared of getting caught but need to quit. I'm going to die, and I know it. I just don't know what to do.

countrygirl2014

It's time to get honest. Secrets keep us sick.

Jennifer

trachemys

Yes, you do. STOP DRINKING. You did it before, do it again. STOP DRINKING. NOW. Simple as that.

BirdsAteMyFace

They'll all be much more upset if you die than if you start telling the truth. Vodka was my DOC, it is insidious. I not only thought I was going to die, but I was legitimately losing my mind. It's hard to stop, but the only other choices are insanity, incarceration, or death. I wish you the best, and you're in the right spot here to start a new beginning with lots of online support.

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, Shooter.

You probably already know what you should do and that is quit drinking. Have you spoken to your doctor about a safe detox?

It is going to be hard to come clean with your family but truly healthy relationships require honesty.

You will find support, encouragement and understanding here, Shooter.

JaylaaKent

That is a rough spot - but it's just a question of time before they find out - you can't keep drinking that much a secret for long. People can smell it on you and I'm sure your behavior has changed (or altered). If you had to go to detox before and are drinking that much vodka a day already, sounds like quitting will be almost physically impossible without some sort of tapering or detox again. I went to detox and also relapsed after 3 weeks. I didn't go back to detox, but instead went to my dr and told him everything and he gave me Ativan to help with the withdrawals. I don't envy the road ahead of you - but we are all here to support you.

Raider

Wow. Wow. I think I would put it down. Call your family meeting. Tell them. Tell them this is day one. Tell them exactly what you are going to do to get and remain sober. Tell them what will be different for you.

But from one A to another A..........I would never trust you again. I'm sorry. Maybe she won't feel that way. Prepare yourself. Praying friend.

Tonymblue

You said it. You decided to quit 2 years ago. Youre here so you want to quit now. Just quit now. I wish i had two years. Thats mighty.

Shooter127

I almost got caught last night. I just can't let her down. I don't even remember most of the night. Just that I was having a sip, straight from the bottle, when she came down stairs. I have a knee injury so when I'm smashed I limp so she can't tell I'm not walking straight. I know I need to quit, having big time shakes when I don't drink.

Soberwolf

Shooter have you got a plan of recovery you can ask for help from SR in preparing a plan

Raider

And can I say one more thing? Rare is the time I hid my drinking. I've been out of the closet a long time on that issue. But it must be totally exhausting hiding it. You have got to be tired of this. You can't live like this. There is too much work in a life that is already fraught with problems, to add this horrible burden.

brynn

Your risking an awful lot by keeping this secret...which won't be one for long. We aren't as sneaky as we think we are when we're drunk.
If she finds out that way, it's definitely over. If you tell her straight up, she MIGHT give you chance.
Stop drinking and be honest.

Briar

Why do you think you went back to it? Do you need more support at home? I was very distant from my husband, which is how I was able to hide a ridiculous amount of drinking from him. I had to fess up to him so we can work on what needs to change to keep me sober. And yeah, he totally doesn't trust me right now.

You know, he wasn't mad that I have such a serious problem, he was only mad that I lied to him.

Shooter127

I was doing good today until I got shakes. I know I need, and want to quit.
All of your posts show me quickly I'm in the right place. Good to hear people were in the same boat that will give it to you straight up.

strategery

Shooter, you are only going to be able to keep up this illusion for so long to where your best plan is to be honest with those you love. I am glad you are wanting to quit and that you are here.

Hevyn

Shooter - I'm so glad you came here looking for some help. I was in sad shape too when I found SR, drinking all day to avoid the shakes.

I did a similar thing - I had some sober time and figured I could have 'a couple' glasses of wine. Of course, there is no such thing as a couple for us. Eventually my little experiment led me back to vodka & complete dependency. I guess I needed further proof that I can't touch the stuff. I was scared to death at the possibility of losing everyone, everything - and my life as well. I knew that's where I was headed.

Please stay with us and keep posting. You're never alone - and we all understand. The encouragement here is the best. You can do this Shooter.

CAPTAINZING2000

I read where you started AA. Still going to meetings?

Shooter127

I did AA for a few months. Although very supportive I didn't like the religious aspect of it. Ive been on this site, never registered, for a few months. My support system is her. Theres no drinking in the house, even parties, because she says so. When we go places, especially her family, no booze allowed. We're planning a wedding, although its not going to be dry, it's very controlled. She doesn't want to rub it in my face I can't drink. I've got such a system set up now to drink I just don't know how to get out of it. Even when I'm loaded I stick to the system.

Shooter127

To add to that. People are so supportive. My line that I use all the time. People were given a certain number of drinks they're allowed to drink in their life. I drank all mine, so I don't drink now. And I can say that, and be half bagged. Thus why I'm so ashamed with myself. I've got a wonderful family. They are so supportive. They've got me on a pedestal as someone so strong and quit drinking. They threw me a party on my 2 year clean date.
And yes, I was drunk during that.

OklaBH

They will realize it soon enough. This thing always catches up with us