blueyes618

Let me just start by saying that this is definitely me 'venting'. I love my boyfriend very much, but right now I want to STRANGLE him. This is the first big argument we have had since I have been sober, and normally at this point in the fight I retreat to my bedroom with a bottle or two of wine. Now that I can't do that I am just storming around the apartment ready to wage war.

My boyfriend is a recovering gambling addict. I caught him two months ago and he was in some really hot water. I stood by his side, and as he got better I got worse with my drinking (hence why I am here..) he's in the hole $1,000 now (which is ten times better than where he was two months ago) and with the weather being so awful up here in the north east he has been off of work unpaid for a good week. It's super stressful on him not only because its setting him back paying his bookie, but it's right before Christmas and he can't afford to buy anyone anything... so I understand his sadness and frustration. HOWEVER, my mom out of no where wrote him a check for exactly what he owed. I couldn't believe it.. she's just wonderful. No one even asked her. I couldnt wait to give it to him!!!

Long story short, I give him the check he looks at it, smiles but still looks sad and really doesn't say much after that. I figured he just neeeded time, he was probably embarrassed. But he has been a royal ******* ALL day. Super short tempered with me, snappy, and just picking an argument with me left and right. I had to walk away from him 3 times in about an hour. I just don't get it. Now I know why I drank!! Are all arguments going to be like this???

trachemys

No, you'll learn to mellow a little at a time.

Having conquered your own demons, you'll find more forgiveness and tolerance of others follows. And tell your Mom that there's a stranger that thinks she's Santa Claus.

DrunkTx

Hey BlueEyes,

First congrats on sobriety! Congrats also for entering, living and eventually exiting an argument sober. Some call it living life on life's terms, I call it liberation and dealing. Have to say, not sure I think it was a god idea for your mom to give him the cash. She must be a saint, but enablement isn't a good strategy. Normally this would be non of my business, this site is about drunks helping other drunks. But my imagination doesn't have to go too far for me to see how this might end squarely back with you and a bottle. I think it's time for some difficult choices, and choices better made unemotionally. Is there some place you can chill for a while to focus on you and your sobriety?

Anna

I think that expectations can often cause us so much distress. You had expectations with handing your mother's check to your boyfriend, and his reaction disappointed you. I have found that be cautious with expectations can really help you to navigate through a relationship.

I agree that it was probably not the best solution for your mother to fix your boyfriend's problems. And, that could be why he reacted as he did.

I'm glad that you are getting through this. It will get easier. You will learn ways, healthy ways to get through tough days.

blueyes618

Hey drunktx, thanks for the advice I know my mom isn't meaning to 'enable' him, and he even said just a few moments ago that he doesn't want to accept it. He said he wasn't jumping for joy because he knows it's wrong to take the money and he feels ashamed my mom even knows about his gambling (I told her mostly bc after I found out I started hitting the bottle harder). I am still encouraging him to take the money because sometimes in this crazy life we live we are given rare opportunities to make things right. If I had help with my sobriety when I was in my darkest hours I would have taken it, but I never had that opportunity I had to do it alone. Yes, I'm much stronger because of it, but my bf has been dealt a ****** hand in life and it's time for his break. If he decides to continue gambling he is gone for good... He is well aware of that. We both need to learn to trust each other again. I went to the gym after the argument and I feel much better now

BigShoe

Hey blue eyes. I hate arguments drunk or sober. Drunk arguments always made me want to jump off a bridge. Sober... Well maybe a lower bridge. Good for you for staying sober through all this. No reason to harm yourself for all this.

Maybe you and your guy can plan to pay your mom back ASAP