Sad and lonely
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Sad and lonely
I don't know where to start.
I just feel so bad at the moment.
I wonder how life got like this.
I can't see how my life will change in the future.
Its christmas soon and I just wish I could sleep through it all.
I feel its not fair for my little girl.
She deserves better than this.
Our life is so quiet. Just me and her. I'm so sad how things have turned out.
I just feel so bad at the moment.
I wonder how life got like this.
I can't see how my life will change in the future.
Its christmas soon and I just wish I could sleep through it all.
I feel its not fair for my little girl.
She deserves better than this.
Our life is so quiet. Just me and her. I'm so sad how things have turned out.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Sasha, Christmas with the two of you can be very special. Why not try to begin some small traditions that the two of you can do on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? Maybe it could be a special meal, or opening a present before bed, leaving cookies for Santa - things like that. And, how about helping out with a Christmas Dinner for homeless people in your area?
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Sasha...I understand those lonely feelings and they aren't fun for sure.
Beyond that, it seems your daughter is very blessed to have a mom who is sober!
I would have given anything to have a quiet life with a sober mom!
Sitting with you if that's alright.
Beyond that, it seems your daughter is very blessed to have a mom who is sober!
I would have given anything to have a quiet life with a sober mom!
Sitting with you if that's alright.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Oh, Sasha. I'm sorry you're hurting.
Yours aren't postings to which I've directly responded in the past. But I remember you from my earliest days on SR and you've always left an impression on me, one of grace under fire, courage and tremendous love for your little girl. I've admired you.
I hope it helps to share a recollection from my life. Because we're drawn to SR to overcome addictions, it sometimes can seem as though everything before addiction or after it has to be rosy and bright by comparison. For me, my darkest days came before addiction had taken hold. A very insightful and wise therapist told me that the one thing I had to do was remember that the darkest moments don't last forever. Things get better.
I remember asking her if she could understand why I found that hard to believe. She told me she could, but she told me that I must trust her. And she proved to be right.
You and your daughter are remarkable gifts of love to one another. Things get better, Sasha, they really do.
Yours aren't postings to which I've directly responded in the past. But I remember you from my earliest days on SR and you've always left an impression on me, one of grace under fire, courage and tremendous love for your little girl. I've admired you.
I hope it helps to share a recollection from my life. Because we're drawn to SR to overcome addictions, it sometimes can seem as though everything before addiction or after it has to be rosy and bright by comparison. For me, my darkest days came before addiction had taken hold. A very insightful and wise therapist told me that the one thing I had to do was remember that the darkest moments don't last forever. Things get better.
I remember asking her if she could understand why I found that hard to believe. She told me she could, but she told me that I must trust her. And she proved to be right.
You and your daughter are remarkable gifts of love to one another. Things get better, Sasha, they really do.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Sorry you are having a difficult time.
I'm spending Christmas Day alone with my little one. But it will be awesome, we can play, eat what we want, watch cool Christmas movies, go play in the slow.
And I get to avoid all my family drunk drama, the endless loudness. They are so loud.
Suffice to say, that if you are sober, you can have a great Christmas and remember it.
The memories will be priceless with your daughter. Try to see what you have, health being the first one. If you count what you have, it will switch your attention from what you might now have.
I'm spending Christmas Day alone with my little one. But it will be awesome, we can play, eat what we want, watch cool Christmas movies, go play in the slow.
And I get to avoid all my family drunk drama, the endless loudness. They are so loud.
Suffice to say, that if you are sober, you can have a great Christmas and remember it.
The memories will be priceless with your daughter. Try to see what you have, health being the first one. If you count what you have, it will switch your attention from what you might now have.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I'm trying so hard to keep going.
I couldn't give a hoot whether I'm okay. I just find all of this so unfair on my little girl.
She has a new cousin and all I can think of is how much she would have loved a brother or sister.
Her dad lives with a woman and her 2 kids.
I've distanced myself from everyone. I'm angry at my family. We don't speak.
I just don't understand how my life has ended up like this.
I feel its all my own fault and I don't know how to change it.
I just feel like I can't face christmas.
I am filled with dread.
I wish the world would leave me out of christmas, pass me by.
I couldn't give a hoot whether I'm okay. I just find all of this so unfair on my little girl.
She has a new cousin and all I can think of is how much she would have loved a brother or sister.
Her dad lives with a woman and her 2 kids.
I've distanced myself from everyone. I'm angry at my family. We don't speak.
I just don't understand how my life has ended up like this.
I feel its all my own fault and I don't know how to change it.
I just feel like I can't face christmas.
I am filled with dread.
I wish the world would leave me out of christmas, pass me by.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Posts: 425
Thanks for sharing how you feel Sasha and being so honest. I too have been struggling with severe depression, and the holidays are making it worse. My children are grown and I find myself missing them terribly and reminiscing about the past, including past Christmases. Have you tried getting involved with a church? I found a lot of caring kind people at one close by my house. Although I went once and haven't been back since. 
I finally got to my breaking point where I was thinking of suicide and decided to go see a psychiatrist. He prescribed an antidepressant. I was leery of taking it because I've tried so many and they never worked. But I'm optimistic for this drug, and feel I haven't really got a choice. I've been trying lots of things to lift my mood, but the sadness and despair still linger. Maybe seeing a dr could help? Know there are people that care about you and feel your pain. Thanks again for sharing.
I finally got to my breaking point where I was thinking of suicide and decided to go see a psychiatrist. He prescribed an antidepressant. I was leery of taking it because I've tried so many and they never worked. But I'm optimistic for this drug, and feel I haven't really got a choice. I've been trying lots of things to lift my mood, but the sadness and despair still linger. Maybe seeing a dr could help? Know there are people that care about you and feel your pain. Thanks again for sharing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
I am sorry to hear you are down in the dumps Sasha.
I also would like to sleep through Christmas.
I even volunteered at work for the suckiest shift and then won a raffle and got it off! lol
Do you take anything for depression?
It might be a good idea.
Winter blahs,
Hideous fake Christmas joy and all that crap is enough to bring anyone down.
I am sure someone will be along with cheerful happy stuff, I got nothing.
Except, a hug.
I also would like to sleep through Christmas.
I even volunteered at work for the suckiest shift and then won a raffle and got it off! lol
Do you take anything for depression?
It might be a good idea.
Winter blahs,
Hideous fake Christmas joy and all that crap is enough to bring anyone down.
I am sure someone will be along with cheerful happy stuff, I got nothing.
Except, a hug.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I have people to talk to.
I take an anti-depressant.
What can anyone say?
It is what it is.
Even my GP thinks I should be over this by now. Its over a year since he left.
Its not that I want him to come back, I just feel sad that this is how I ended up.
I never wanted anything spectacular.
I just think there should be more to my life than this.
Sometimes it just seems so pointless.
Whats the point of having goals or future plans when there is no-one to share it with?
My poor daughter caught up in the loneliness of my life. Its not fair on her.
How can things of got so bad that he was willing to leave his own child?
I feel so guilty that I have brought this into her life.
I take an anti-depressant.
What can anyone say?
It is what it is.
Even my GP thinks I should be over this by now. Its over a year since he left.
Its not that I want him to come back, I just feel sad that this is how I ended up.
I never wanted anything spectacular.
I just think there should be more to my life than this.
Sometimes it just seems so pointless.
Whats the point of having goals or future plans when there is no-one to share it with?
My poor daughter caught up in the loneliness of my life. Its not fair on her.
How can things of got so bad that he was willing to leave his own child?
I feel so guilty that I have brought this into her life.
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Originally Posted by Sasha4 
I have people to talk to.
I take an anti-depressant.
What can anyone say?
It is what it is.
Even my GP thinks I should be over this by now. Its over a year since he left.
Its not that I want him to come back, I just feel sad that this is how I ended up.
I never wanted anything spectacular.
I just think there should be more to my life than this.
Sometimes it just seems so pointless.
Whats the point of having goals or future plans when there is no-one to share it with?
My poor daughter caught up in the loneliness of my life. Its not fair on her.
How can things of got so bad that he was willing to leave his own child?
I feel so guilty that I have brought this into her life.
I take an anti-depressant.
What can anyone say?
It is what it is.
Even my GP thinks I should be over this by now. Its over a year since he left.
Its not that I want him to come back, I just feel sad that this is how I ended up.
I never wanted anything spectacular.
I just think there should be more to my life than this.
Sometimes it just seems so pointless.
Whats the point of having goals or future plans when there is no-one to share it with?
My poor daughter caught up in the loneliness of my life. Its not fair on her.
How can things of got so bad that he was willing to leave his own child?
I feel so guilty that I have brought this into her life.
And Sasha, there isn't a timeline for "getting over" something like this. But the reality is, you are the parent she has. You are her world and believe me, you are enough. The point in having future goals and plans is that your daughter loves you and believes in you. You are so incredibly blessed. I know it's hard to see it now, but it is true.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Ok Sasha,
I was on Lexapro.
I thought it was "fine".
My GP thought it was "fine".
I was fat and calm and OH LORD! do I know that feeling of "what's it all about?"
I went to a Psychopharmacologist!!!!
Ping!
I went on zoloft and was sick as a dog and it did nada.
I went on Paxil, bleh, prozac, whatever.
Then I found an effexor/wellbutrin combo and I was off to the races as soon as I got the drink out.
Then, I was FINE!!!!!
And I came off them.
Well, to be honest, although I am functioning, I might just need to go on something for now.
I dealt with a lot of stuff in the last few years and stayed off the booze and meds.
I think I am kind of running on empty right now.
I think you need to give yourself a break on the lone child thing though.
Crikey! Kids today have so many social outlets now, they don't need any siblings!
Send her off on playdates, ballet, rugby, Ok, maybe soccer.
X
I was on Lexapro.
I thought it was "fine".
My GP thought it was "fine".
I was fat and calm and OH LORD! do I know that feeling of "what's it all about?"
I went to a Psychopharmacologist!!!!
Ping!
I went on zoloft and was sick as a dog and it did nada.
I went on Paxil, bleh, prozac, whatever.
Then I found an effexor/wellbutrin combo and I was off to the races as soon as I got the drink out.
Then, I was FINE!!!!!
And I came off them.
Well, to be honest, although I am functioning, I might just need to go on something for now.
I dealt with a lot of stuff in the last few years and stayed off the booze and meds.
I think I am kind of running on empty right now.
I think you need to give yourself a break on the lone child thing though.
Crikey! Kids today have so many social outlets now, they don't need any siblings!
Send her off on playdates, ballet, rugby, Ok, maybe soccer.
X
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
It took me longer than a year to get over my divorce. It took a few years of going through all of the cycles of special events and holidays before I fell in to a groove with my son and I. It's great you have people to talk to. I strongly suggest if one of those people is not a professional in the counseling field that you find one. It made a huge difference for me. I also found a divorce support group. Not that anti-depressants are "happy pills", but maybe you need to have a readjustment. I suggest talking to whomever prescribed them to you. Stay strong....you can do this.
Stay positive.
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 84
Sasha I feel your hurt... I truly do. I have been in the same hopeless state so many times, and you're right, no matter what anyone says it doesn't make the situation any better. But YOU have the ability to make this situation better. If we dwell on the "should of's" and "what if's?" we will never move on, ever. We will stay in this purgatory of pain and despair. You are alive, you are sober and you have a beautiful daughter who I am sure loves you so very much. I have tried to conceive three times and lost the baby each of those times and it took me a long time to heal, but I know I will have a baby one day. The universe has a plan for me, and one day it will all work itself out. It has a plan for you too and this is just part of it. Things always get worse before they get better. This too shall pass.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by Sasha4
I have people to talk to.
I take an anti-depressant.
What can anyone say?
It is what it is.
Even my GP thinks I should be over this by now. Its over a year since he left.
Its not that I want him to come back, I just feel sad that this is how I ended up.
I never wanted anything spectacular.
I just think there should be more to my life than this.
Sometimes it just seems so pointless.
Whats the point of having goals or future plans when there is no-one to share it with?
My poor daughter caught up in the loneliness of my life. Its not fair on her.
How can things of got so bad that he was willing to leave his own child?
I feel so guilty that I have brought this into her life.
I take an anti-depressant.
What can anyone say?
It is what it is.
Even my GP thinks I should be over this by now. Its over a year since he left.
Its not that I want him to come back, I just feel sad that this is how I ended up.
I never wanted anything spectacular.
I just think there should be more to my life than this.
Sometimes it just seems so pointless.
Whats the point of having goals or future plans when there is no-one to share it with?
My poor daughter caught up in the loneliness of my life. Its not fair on her.
How can things of got so bad that he was willing to leave his own child?
I feel so guilty that I have brought this into her life.
I'm a male, but went through a lot of what you are going through (clinical depression, wife left me and our son, a drunk...), and I realized that if I wanted things to change, only I could change them/me, and I did, and now life is good (actually it's great
).
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Hello Sasha
I'm so sorry that you are feeling such an incredible weight of pain, sadness and loneliness. Christmas doesn't help, I know.
You sound very depressed indeed and I echo others' opinions here that you might need to see your doctor or a specialist for a revamping of your treatment measures.
There is no finite time by which you should have "dealt" with what you've gone thru. No one should make you feel this way.
I can't say anything more than I feel for you. Please stay connected here. It really helps me.
Warm wishes to you.
I'm so sorry that you are feeling such an incredible weight of pain, sadness and loneliness. Christmas doesn't help, I know.
You sound very depressed indeed and I echo others' opinions here that you might need to see your doctor or a specialist for a revamping of your treatment measures.
There is no finite time by which you should have "dealt" with what you've gone thru. No one should make you feel this way.
I can't say anything more than I feel for you. Please stay connected here. It really helps me.
Warm wishes to you.
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