kbabymum

Hi,
This is my first blog post ever! I need help. Nobody knows I am an alcoholic and being one is killing me inside and out. I have 2 kids, 3 and 10 weeks and am drinking more than ever. I started drinking 4 years ago when I worked at a tequila bar where we had free shots every night. Now I drink every day, by myself, 2 or 3 times a day. My husband I think has an idea because he makes comments but I am too ashamed to even tell him or my best friend(although I think she has noticed me being "buzzed" when we get together). I want to be sober soooo bad but keep letting myself, and my family, down by buying bottles of tequila, vodka or whatever is on sale. I can go through the bottle in 4 days!! I don't know what to do. Only at home do I ever feel the urge to drink and have gone multiple days clean while out of town but...it's out of hand. Drinking while taking care of 2 little ones is the ultimate shame and low-ness and danger to my kids. Other than my drinking I am an amazing mom who would do anything for them, especially stop drinking.
I need advice on what to do and how do I do it. Do I tell my husband? Marriage counselor? My mom? My brother? Or do I do it on my own? Please, your feedback is most helpful. I need support in this
This is crazy! I can't believe I just wrote this on a forum!! I haven't told anybody and its driving me insane! All support is welcome but please don't put me down.

DoPerdition

No one will put you down here at SR, or at least I haven't seen anything like that. This is a great place for support and you made a good choice by taking the first step. Admitting it is really hard, especially to your loved ones who you want to respect you. I think you might be pleasantly surprised by how supportive and loving your husband and friend may be. They are likely aware that you have a problem and they will probably be very happy to hear that you are taking the very responsible step of doing something about it. I've found that almost everyone in my life has been nothing but supportive and encouraging.

Best of luck. This is a great place and remember that we've all been there too! Be well.

Anna

I don't know who you should tell, but the main thing is to stop drinking. You can do it. You can get rid of alcohol you have at home and don't buy anymore. It's simple, but not easy.

I was a closet-alcoholic too, as much as possible. I drank at home, alone. There is so much shame involved. I hope you decide to stop drinking and be the person you want to be.

brynn

I agree with Anna. The first thing you need to do is stop drinking. Dump the booze and don't buy anymore.
I know the awful guilt and shame of drinking while taking care of little ones...the mortification if anyone ever found out! Stop putting your children in harms way. If something happens to them while your drinking you will never forgive yourself, and they might be taken from you. Harsh reality, but very true.

Thepatman

Welcome

Try to remember, you are not alone with this addiction, not the first one to have it nor the last one. So I think there is no need to feel ashamed. Alcohol issues does not discriminate, lawyers, doctors, politicians, construction workers, regular people, etc.

Like Anna pointed, the important is to stop drinking. Make a plan, stick to it, and reach our for support.

I doubt people in your surroundings are totally not aware of it. Your husband most likely smell you from a mile away. Good luck and look forward to read on your progress.

The power is in you

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

It all starts with a Day 1 and build from there, keep it simple and don't drink is the first step!!

Briar

I totally understand. My drinking got much worse after I had my daughter. She is three now, and before I quit this time I was drinking all day every day while caring for her (and driving her to and from daycare. Truth). Alcohol makes us do terrible things. I am very protective of my daughter, but when I was drinking I didn't protect her from myself. Drinking was more important.

I thought I could get away with all this and successfully recover without telling my husband, but it became clear that I couldn't. This is a lifelong change in the household dynamics, and it involves the whole family. If I'm going to stay sober, I have to have my husband on board. It's as simple as that. I know it's not easy. Telling him the truth was awful, but well worth it. I'm sure if your husband has made comments about your drinking, he already knows it's a problem, and he will be glad you're making a choice to get better. He needs to be able to trust you with the kids, so this will give him some peace of mind. My husband freaked out at first as he realized what I had been doing, but once that sunk in, he was grateful for my effort to recover. Your choice to get sober is the absolute best scenario here, and I bet your husband will see that.

tabasco

You have reached out for help just in time. Right now, you could stop. You could stop before everything is lost. You're husband, your children, your health, your family, friends, are all intact. Today.
Make today the day you decide to stop. It will be the best Christmas present you, and your children will ever have.

BirdsAteMyFace

I feel your pain and shame. My husband was fully aware of my problem, though. It was tearing us apart. The drunk-mommy shame is one of the most sickening feelings ever, and was a great factor in why I got sober for good (prayers) this time. I didn't want my bottom to involve my child, and I'm sure you don't either. That would be unimaginable.

There's no judgment here. Welcome. Try not to drink today. That is the only power you have right now. Once your mind clears, I suggest you look into Alcoholics Anonymous. They are saving my life. No joke.

soberbythesea

Stop drinking first, and then figure out who and how to tell. And don't necessarily feel that everyone needs to know. I've been sober over two years and I've only ever told my husband and (much more recently) my mom about my problem.

Soberwolf

This

Welcome to SR

JaylaaKent

I know everyone is saying to "just stop drinking", but if you are an alcoholic, it's very likely you can't stop on your own; you'll need some support. If you have a counselor, I would suggest getting honest with him/her first and look for some insight because they know your story. You can be honest with your partner/husband tell him you think you need to stop drinking for good and ask for his support/help to do that. You can catch it now before it gets worse, but the path you are traveling, I can tell you it will deteriorate. You can stop it now, but I think having a support system will ensure your success, rather than trying to do it alone and in secret.

blueyes618

I agree with Jaylaa on this. When you're at that point of losing control of your drinking it's almost impossible to quit- if it wasn't you would have already, especially with two little ones. I see an addictions counselor, and it is actually covered by the state which is wonderful, and I can see her as often as I need to during the week. She convinced me to go to AA and it took me a few weeks, but I went and I am so glad I did. With the holiday approaching there tends to be more booze around and stress levels are super high. You have already accepted you have a problem, now take the next step and get help. We are here for you

Hevyn

Welcome kbabymum. You're among friends here. We've all been through it, and we understand like no one else can. Keep reading and posting - and please never give up on yourself.

oak

Welcome to SR. I'm glad you posted. I know the shame and guilt are hard- at least they were for me.

For me, talking to an individual therapist and going to meetings helped both with stopping and also with feeling less shame/guilt.

Keep posting.