Wondering If I'm in the Right Place
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 8
Wondering If I'm in the Right Place
Hey everybody,
I'm going to repost some of what I just posted to the main newcomer's thread, in hopes that I've hit the right place. Sorry for the cross-posting, but I'm trying to find out where I'll fit best.
I'm new to these forums but am not new to recovery. I had 2 1/2 years sober four years ago, after rehab, numerous AA meetings, several sponsors, working the 12 steps, and the whole nine yards, and then I've relapsed repeatedly in the last year and a half. I'm not anywhere near the state I was four years ago, but I feel that I'm now in serious danger of getting there.
I have major issues with AA and the whole 12-step idea (and there aren't any meetings anywhere near me right now anyway), though I can't say that I'll rule out AA entirely--mostly for lack of better alternatives. I'm a bit overwhelmed with how many sub-forums there are here, and I don't know where to start. I have to admit some aversion to taking up any new "programs"; I guess because of my experiences in AA, but I am very open to discussions here.
Thanks very much for reading, and I appreciate any advice.
I'm going to repost some of what I just posted to the main newcomer's thread, in hopes that I've hit the right place. Sorry for the cross-posting, but I'm trying to find out where I'll fit best.
I'm new to these forums but am not new to recovery. I had 2 1/2 years sober four years ago, after rehab, numerous AA meetings, several sponsors, working the 12 steps, and the whole nine yards, and then I've relapsed repeatedly in the last year and a half. I'm not anywhere near the state I was four years ago, but I feel that I'm now in serious danger of getting there.
I have major issues with AA and the whole 12-step idea (and there aren't any meetings anywhere near me right now anyway), though I can't say that I'll rule out AA entirely--mostly for lack of better alternatives. I'm a bit overwhelmed with how many sub-forums there are here, and I don't know where to start. I have to admit some aversion to taking up any new "programs"; I guess because of my experiences in AA, but I am very open to discussions here.
Thanks very much for reading, and I appreciate any advice.
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Do you want to practice a secular version of the 12 steps? If so there is a Secular 12 Steps Recovery thread. Otherwise, the rules for the Secular Recovery forum are here.
We stick to discussions about what worked for us and refrain from bashing other programs or approaches. Even if you want to just live sober and practice nothing, then you are welcome here.
We stick to discussions about what worked for us and refrain from bashing other programs or approaches. Even if you want to just live sober and practice nothing, then you are welcome here.
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Originally Posted by jazzfish 
Otherwise, the rules for the Secular Recovery forum are here.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
You are welcome here, Minerve. Please, no worries on the forum selection thing, it will sort itself out. I understand your feelings about the number of choices presented to you here and in the alcoholism treatment area. If not AA, then what? And why that one in particular?
We none of us here are in the position of making recommendations for you - we don't even know anything about you. All we can do is share information we have learned, and share our own experiences with you. It is up to you to demand of yourself that you find a solution works for you and ultimately delivers what you need. It seems that you are doing this now - fantastic!
What worked for me was a 'no program' program. No meetings, no drawn out process, no supreme being required. This is how most of us (former) alcoholics quit drinking - about 75% quit with no 'formal program of recovery'. I suggest you read the post at the top of this page about AVRT and see if this particular tool would be helpful to you.
We none of us here are in the position of making recommendations for you - we don't even know anything about you. All we can do is share information we have learned, and share our own experiences with you. It is up to you to demand of yourself that you find a solution works for you and ultimately delivers what you need. It seems that you are doing this now - fantastic!
What worked for me was a 'no program' program. No meetings, no drawn out process, no supreme being required. This is how most of us (former) alcoholics quit drinking - about 75% quit with no 'formal program of recovery'. I suggest you read the post at the top of this page about AVRT and see if this particular tool would be helpful to you.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Minerve, there's lots of people all through the forum who have quit without AA. I'm one of them.
Some find it very hard to stay strong without working a program, but if you're not really into AA you could try to stay sober using your own research and beliefs.
For me it consisted of lots of reading on the harmful effect of alcohol, confiding with my doctor, dealing with cravings, and for long term support, SR.
Is there any particular reason why you feel you have to be in a formal program?
Some find it very hard to stay strong without working a program, but if you're not really into AA you could try to stay sober using your own research and beliefs.
For me it consisted of lots of reading on the harmful effect of alcohol, confiding with my doctor, dealing with cravings, and for long term support, SR.
Is there any particular reason why you feel you have to be in a formal program?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
welcome, Minerve.
no need to find just one place here; my own experience is that reading a diversity of postings on different subforums is hugely helpful and fascinating. both in terms of immediate suggestions and dispelling misconceptions about "other" approaches.
no need to find just one place here; my own experience is that reading a diversity of postings on different subforums is hugely helpful and fascinating. both in terms of immediate suggestions and dispelling misconceptions about "other" approaches.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 8
Thank you, everybody. To answer FeelingGreat's question, I don't feel that I have to be in a formal program, and in general I'd prefer not to be. To be honest, the main reason why I might end up driving a long way to go to the nearest AA meeting is just for the social aspect, since the only other face-to-face socializing I can find where I live is in a bar. But I figured an online group could be a great help to me in staying sober, and staying away from the bar. So I really appreciate finding this site.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 205
You say you've got major issues with AA?
Well, as far as these forums go, you're in the right place.
Thing is, there is no "support" here, other than a few thumbs up.
The good news is that you don't need any support. Google Rational Recovery . You have the complete power to stop drinking now.
Right now!
Well, as far as these forums go, you're in the right place.
Thing is, there is no "support" here, other than a few thumbs up.
The good news is that you don't need any support. Google Rational Recovery . You have the complete power to stop drinking now.
Right now!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 46
Hi Minerve, for what it is worth, I do alot of reading from many different recovery perspectives, and freely use the information. I don't single out nor exclude any perspective just because of where it came from; I either use it, keep it for later possibilities, and discard it altogether based upon my own recovery goals. For socialization with recovery people, I prefer online, such as here and Lifering, but that is my preference. There are times when I feel I need to be around recovering people more, whereupon I go to a speaker meeting for either AA or NA. Sometimes I also go to an open meeting for one of those programs. I do not consider myself a member by any means, but I can certainly help show support or acknowledge their recovery as a positive thing for them, help out where I can, just meet some people. There are people who need a program approach, and I won't give anything but honest support for them as we all have a right to decide what works for us as that seems to what keeps us going in the first place. In other words, I like to use everything, but do so with a sense of balance. peace and love, daniel
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Originally Posted by Dee74
Merry Christmas to you too Riel 
D
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
ha Dee,
that was my first thought, too, back when i read that.
and then i remembered that this section is populated mostly by RR/AVRT people, and peer-support is not part of the R paradigm.
quite the opposite.
but other secular approaches are different. i'm most familiar with LifeRing, where peer support is highly valued and greatly encouraged.
Bah Humbug
that was my first thought, too, back when i read that.
and then i remembered that this section is populated mostly by RR/AVRT people, and peer-support is not part of the R paradigm.
quite the opposite.
but other secular approaches are different. i'm most familiar with LifeRing, where peer support is highly valued and greatly encouraged.
Bah Humbug
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Originally Posted by fini
oh my!
now it quadruples everything.
now it quadruples everything.
Yeah, thinking back on my post after driving to work it hit me: "You know, Dee probably has a pretty good grasp of the not-so-subtle nuances of this place." I couldn't help but laugh at myself. Anyway, E for effort.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 508
I think you've probably found a good place to visit as part of what works for you to stay sober...
I think SR. Is a great place, I hop about finding what resonates for me at different stages of my journey.
I also use other sources of information from the Internet but I have no friend or relative who I can talk to the way I feel I can talk to the people here.
It's like a great big collection of people who have similar thoughts/feelings/mindset that actually seem to GET me.
A bunch of people who are linked to me because of alcohol, not my drinking buddies, I don't have them, very rarely did.
I've been to a few AA meetings and couldn't work with the program, it depressed me too much!
I've tried SMART and various other face-to-face organised recovery groups but never found anything I liked, never felt comfortable around all these people that I might one day meet in a shop or some such place.... OMG, the horror! The shame!
I feel safe here because of the anonymity, I could well bump into anyone here on the boards and NEVER know it!
It adds an extra dimension to the freedom aspect.
I think it's time I started a thread here so I'll end by saying welcome and keep on keeping on!
Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
I think SR. Is a great place, I hop about finding what resonates for me at different stages of my journey.
I also use other sources of information from the Internet but I have no friend or relative who I can talk to the way I feel I can talk to the people here.
It's like a great big collection of people who have similar thoughts/feelings/mindset that actually seem to GET me.
A bunch of people who are linked to me because of alcohol, not my drinking buddies, I don't have them, very rarely did.
I've been to a few AA meetings and couldn't work with the program, it depressed me too much!
I've tried SMART and various other face-to-face organised recovery groups but never found anything I liked, never felt comfortable around all these people that I might one day meet in a shop or some such place.... OMG, the horror! The shame!
I feel safe here because of the anonymity, I could well bump into anyone here on the boards and NEVER know it!
It adds an extra dimension to the freedom aspect.
I think it's time I started a thread here so I'll end by saying welcome and keep on keeping on!
Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
Originally Posted by Minerve
Hey everybody,
I'm going to repost some of what I just posted to the main newcomer's thread, in hopes that I've hit the right place. Sorry for the cross-posting, but I'm trying to find out where I'll fit best.
I'm new to these forums but am not new to recovery. I had 2 1/2 years sober four years ago, after rehab, numerous AA meetings, several sponsors, working the 12 steps, and the whole nine yards, and then I've relapsed repeatedly in the last year and a half. I'm not anywhere near the state I was four years ago, but I feel that I'm now in serious danger of getting there.
I have major issues with AA and the whole 12-step idea (and there aren't any meetings anywhere near me right now anyway), though I can't say that I'll rule out AA entirely--mostly for lack of better alternatives. I'm a bit overwhelmed with how many sub-forums there are here, and I don't know where to start. I have to admit some aversion to taking up any new "programs"; I guess because of my experiences in AA, but I am very open to discussions here.
Thanks very much for reading, and I appreciate any advice.
I'm going to repost some of what I just posted to the main newcomer's thread, in hopes that I've hit the right place. Sorry for the cross-posting, but I'm trying to find out where I'll fit best.
I'm new to these forums but am not new to recovery. I had 2 1/2 years sober four years ago, after rehab, numerous AA meetings, several sponsors, working the 12 steps, and the whole nine yards, and then I've relapsed repeatedly in the last year and a half. I'm not anywhere near the state I was four years ago, but I feel that I'm now in serious danger of getting there.
I have major issues with AA and the whole 12-step idea (and there aren't any meetings anywhere near me right now anyway), though I can't say that I'll rule out AA entirely--mostly for lack of better alternatives. I'm a bit overwhelmed with how many sub-forums there are here, and I don't know where to start. I have to admit some aversion to taking up any new "programs"; I guess because of my experiences in AA, but I am very open to discussions here.
Thanks very much for reading, and I appreciate any advice.
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