vttodd

After reading another post, I wanted to vent a little!!! Alcohol took away a very beautiful, smart funny, wife, friend and lover from me.When we first met she didn't have a drinking problem but over time things got worse. We were very happy, had a house, two cars and made a good living. Then alcohol took that all away. I admit I have emotional problems of my own. Please don't tell me to get over it and move on. Its hard to let go of a eight year relationship when all you had was her and myself living the dream life. Everyday I think of her and wonder what she is doing and how she let herself go. She was so happy and we went on trips and had plans for a family. Now .... nothing. zero........ I am seeing a therapist but she said I am so hurt by what she has done to me it will take a long time to heal, The hurt will last me a lifetime I have cried everyday asking god why do I deserve to be punished Why can she see how much she hurt me and understand that she needs to quit drinking to avoid hurting others around her. Her parent are hurting also, two years ago they lost there other daughter to leukemia I hope someday she will get sober and at least talk to me and apologize for hurting me so bad!

Soberintexas007

Sorry for your loss. This is why I am desperately trying to hold onto my own relationship of 5 years, because I know how much sadness can be involved in a breakup to someone whom you loved so much. Like you, we have had so many good times, vacations, etc. It was only in the past year that he became a belligerent drunk, even though he has abstained from alcohol for the past few weeks. You seem so hurt, as it does seem you guys had a lot together. Some people never truly recover from lost loved ones, you may be one of those. I wish you all the best.

LexieCat

Hi there,

Welcome. I'd respectfully disagree with your therapist that it will take you "a lifetime" to heal. I wouldn't tell you to "let go of it and move on," either, because it IS a process and it DOES take time and work, but you don't have to nurse this hurt for the rest of your life.

Many of us here have lost loved ones to this disease, and it really is tragic. But it's nothing we can control or cure or magically make go away.

Have you been to Al-Anon? In my experience, and that of many others here, Al-Anon was the lifeline that saw us through the worst of the storm and helped us to come out healthy and whole on the other side. There's something about being around people who really GET how you are feeling and what you've been through, and Al-Anon has tools to help you refocus on your own life so you can move ahead.

If you choose to wallow in sadness instead, then you are doing the same thing the alcoholic does when she rejects help and insists on going her own way. Right now, it isn't just what she did that is hurting you, it's your reaction to it. The pain of the loss is inevitable in these situations, but prolonged, lifetime suffering from it is not. That part is optional. But there is work to be done if you want to climb out of your misery.

Hugs,

dandylion

vttTodd....I understand your pain. This is the stuff that grieving is made of. And, it hurts soo bad. It is beyond the description of words....I know.

I can tell you with absolute certainly that it won't always feel like this.

dandylion