freetosmile

My AH has been so wrapped up in drinking lately, I am just shocked. I mean, I have witnessed him drinking a lot before, but the past two weeks it has just been ...wow!

He's been getting suspicious of me again and starting to accuse me of all sorts of BS again. I am scared to post on this site in case he goes through my computer's history and sees my posts. It would infuriate him.

Got into an argument last night. He was totally wasted. He wanted my xanax. I wouldn't give it to him, so he just tried to rip me apart. Called me a **** and all sorts of stuff.

I just need him to go to treatment. Maybe it won't help him get a good start, maybe it will. But I am a half a breath away from falling apart.
His "biggest fear" is that I will cheat on him while he is gone. I told him that was insulting to me and simply not my desire. I don't go to bars, I don't do anything.....and nor will I have the money to go to town that often when he leaves. I'm offended, but I tried to be reassuring while letting him know that it was totally off base.

So he's getting so suspicous I'm actually scared to post on this site anymore......I will be furious if he invades my privacy in that manner! I have cleared my history...but if he saw there was NO history it would make him even more suspicious. And it pisses me off that I should even HAVE to worry. He just walked in...gotta go

Dee74

If your husband knows your user name here it might be good to ask Admin to change it.

If you're using Firefox you could use private browsing

How to Do Private Browsing in Mozilla Firefox: 3 Steps

to stop private browsing simply close the window

D

Impurrfect

I'm sorry you are going through this, but as Dee mentioned, there are ways to clear your history. For many of us, SR is the one place where we can talk about what is going on with people who get us.

Take care of you and keep coming back.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

amy55

Honey, this is no way to live. I know because I went thru more then 2 decades of this chit.

He is being awful, he knows it, so he has to put the blame on you. That's all it is. I just really worry about you cause I care so deeply about you.

How did your tests go? Have you looked into contacting DV or having emergency things in your car in case you might have to leave.

I told you, just put out the SOS, we'll be here for you. How are you holding up?

Are your OK?

and also, did I tell you today what a wonderful person you are? If not, I'm telling you now. You are such a great mom and such a terrific person and I am blessed to have gotten to know you.

((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
amy

amy55

Now that I calmed down after reading your post, do you know that he is just blowing smoke up your azz? He is drinking and accusing you of cheating or perhaps wanting to cheat on him. It's all excuses for him to not stop drinking. It has nothing to do with you. It's all him protecting his baby bottle.

Again,

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
amy
and thanks for reaching out

LexieCat

free,

I'm very concerned about you again--your husband appears to be delusional, on top of (or beneath) the alcoholism. In that condition, anything could happen.

If you are scared, take the kids and go somewhere safe, or call the police. Don't take chances. Even if he hasn't committed a crime, if he is scaring you, you can get a protective order.

Hugs, please post and let us know you're safe as soon as you can.

amy55

I second that, sometimes I slip up. Your safety and your childrens safety are your #1 priority. I think sometimes I go back to your situation were I am not thinking clearly and I thank people like Lexie to also bring me out of that thinking.

Make sure you are safe.

Have you ever called the DV # before. I can post that for you.

It might be a scary thing to do. I did call them one night, just to talk, and from that one phone call, I was no longer afraid to call them again when I needed to get out.

If you need to get out tonight please call them.

((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

amy

freetosmile

I am safe, he has passed out. Yep, I'm in a world of hurt again. Not concerned about violence. Simply the emotional berating.

I do have a safety plan. I am in touch with DV. No hint of violence. Just the suspicion and constant name calling. Not in front of the kids, but just "jabs" in passing.

I don't know why I haven't left. I'm sorry, I wish I could report that I'm stronger than that.
I am confusing and somewhat disappointing in my actions, I understand.....I'm going to keep trying though.

Thanks for all the concern. I was honestly just venting about the verbal abuse. And I do get a lot of it. In private, in a very insidious way. I do get nervous about the controlling behavior (searching history, all that BS) and he does ask what I'm doing on the computer often......with great suspicion.

Sorry to have worried everyone. I just needed to reach out really fast and he walked in and suprised me.

mejo

When my AH accused me of cheating, it was him cheating. Just food for thought.

LexieCat

Don't ever worry about worrying us or disappointing us. We care about you and hate to know that you're enduring all that crap. Glad he's passed out.

Don't underestimate the obsessive behavior, though. That's one of the red flags in the danger assessments. I sure hope he follows through with going to treatment, if only to give you a breather. You seriously need a break, woman.

NWGRITS

This has been my experience, too. Not saying your AH definitely is, but usually the loudest crowing is masking their own sins. Please consider getting out if you can. Verbal and emotional abuse turns physical in the blink of an eye. I know first-hand about that one. You don't deserve any of this.

killerinstinct

I wonder if he is projecting what he is actually doing to you? Not saying everyone's like that but my husband would project that I was cheating because he was/did and became very paranoid... And same goes for everything else he projected onto me. I hope your doing okay. Hugs xx

kathyi

I dealt w/ verbal abuse for years, thinking he was just having a bad day. We were married for 21 years and I never would've left. He actually left me for another woman. When he came back I considered it (for a year and a half...) before I realized Even tho I wanted him, I didn't want the drinking anymore.

When he left it have me the opportunity to actually consider what was good for me. I've been divorced 3 weeks, I'm sad and I miss the man I love. But he doesn't exist anymore, he's been replaced by a man who doesn't want to work, wants to drink and golf all the time.

Take your time, protect yourself and your kids. At the end of the day, I didn't want my daughter to think that all if this is ok.

Shining~Again

ok - since I've been in this spot before with the suspicions and parnanio and all, here's a thought.

Closing out of wherever you are online is a HUGE "suspicious activity".
Better to use the Atl+Tab feature and go back to my Mahjong game than to close internet browser.

We used to use that all the time at work when we were playing Solitaire. <--the only game we had in 1991.

In later years, with my extremely paranoid/violent-at-times girlfriend, I cleared history on computer and when she'd say "Why?" it was pretty simple - "you fly off the handle over what books I read, what TV shows I watch, my own mother calling, etc. I'm not leaving anything up for you to grab ahold of plain and simple."
I also passworded everything with a Master Password when I couldn't take my laptop with me. Didn't do that till she actually did invade my privacy....but once she did I learned she'd always do it again. I'm very very very private and it's the one thing that will drive me to stand up for myself. And others now.

I'd speak to him about it during a peaceful time - not late at night, not when he's drunk, possibly after you've gifted him with several Xanax. In the morning.

If you'd like any help setting up computer with some passwording, send a PM.

Above all, be careful. The accusations are mega red flag to worse behavior.

Catherine628

I think it's great that you have a safety plan and have contacted DV.

Your situation sounds similar to what I was living 2 years ago. I never went to SR on our home computer, only used my phone or tablet in private browsing mode.

My AH was very verbally abusive. I hung in there because I thought if I could just get him to rehab everything would get better. 3 treatment programs later and he is still the same except he is on his own now.

He became violent when I tried to stop him from drinking. If I hid keys, poured out alcohol or threw away pills he would become enraged. Please be very careful. My AH was only verbally abusive too until one moment just like that he seemed to snap. I was completely caught off guard.

I too was accused of cheating. I endured long interrogations where he would bring up things from high school. Ridiculous. I wished I had learned some detachment skills sooner. Turns out he was the cheater.

I heard all kinds of reasons why he couldn't go to rehab. All of it was BS, he should have shouted, "I won't go bc I want to drink." That's what all the excuses boil down to.

Sorry about your situation. It took me a long time to leave and it was the hardest thing I've ever done but well worth it.

Catherine628

Just wanted to add that when my AH mixed Xanax and alcohol was when the crazy train really roared into town. The paranoia, suspicion and violence were at an all time high.

LexieCat

Yeah, keep those xanax locked up. Bad, bad news.

hopeful4

I can say that him mixing Xanax w/alcohol can lead to very bad things, including death. You need out of this situation right away.

XXX