alphatrader

Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum, I've been browsing all the threads the past few days and finally got the courage to setup and account, post and become involved in this community. I had a few questions for everyone about tips to avoid relapsing....it always seems as if i can quit drinking for 1-2 weeks, then i always seem to give into the temptation and have a binge for a few days, then this cycle just happens over and over again. But right now i'm at the point where I'm saying enough is enough, i just want to quit all together and get this monkey off my back for the rest of my life. If anyone has any words of advice for me or any specific books on things that may help it would be much appreciated. But first let me give you a little background information about myself and my addiction.

I'm 30 years old, I started drinking/partying in my college years, and really turned into a weekend warrior after college when I was working my first few jobs. I was making good money, and working in the finance industry with a handful of alpha males all my age who were all single, so all we would do is work hard, then party hard. Living that type of lifestyle wasn't healthy, but until something really bad happens why would we want to stop was the attitude we all had. Well i eventually quit that job to start my own business working for myself trading, and instead of working 8-5 everyday i was self employed, working a few hours a day making my own schedule. Some days i would look at my balance sheet, and by 9am see +$1000 in my account, so why not get out the house, goto the country club, have some beers and hit some golf balls. Well after some time passed, without even realizing it, this was my life most days of the week, when i wasn't working, i was quickly at some happy hour, or if i really had a good week, a quick weekend trip to vegas or FL. The amount of hard earned money I pissed away because I wanted to party is mind-blowing looking back. After around a year of events like this i finally met someone who I think is the love of my life, and long story short, she eventually kicked me out of her house and said I needed to change my behavior, get sober, or we would be through. This all happened during a time of working were I basically went on “tilt” (all you poker players probably know what i’m talking about), and instead of going to my family and girlfriend for help, I turned to alcohol….and within a matter of a week, financially everything I worked for, for the past year was gone, and I turned to alcohol. I turned into that depressed drunk thrown out of the house living out of my car. This was complete rock bottom; I remember thinking to myself, I need to just take a plane somewhere and hope for a crash. So now I’m basically at that point in my life, its time to pick up all the pieces of my life, and the first thing I need to do is quit drinking altogether, and I honestly believe all the rest of the pieces will fall right back into place. I’m way to smart and hard working to not easily get back what I had, but getting 100% sober and staying that way is the key piece in the whole puzzle.

What I noticed over the past 2-3 months, when my life really started to spiral out of control, was, when I had stress and anxiety I would just turn to alcohol to relieve that tension, thats when I knew I started having a problem and ultimately led to where I am now.

The specific questions I had for everyone…all advice is welcome and I want it…is what are the best strategies you use to fight having a relapse. I can usually stop for 1-2 weeks, but then when i have bad anxiety and stress I always seem to turn to alcohol, I’ll sit alone and get myself drunk to feel better. My other question is this…when I’m calm and collect, I can goto a bar or restaurant and have 1-2 drinks (like with dinner or out with friends) and I don't feel the urge to “get drunk” or have more. I’m making the commitment now to quit drinking altogether, but can anyone shed some light into why some of my cravings differ like that? It also seems that whenever i’m bored and have anxiety, I immediately think of alcohol as the first way to ease that tension?

Well thats my story, I haven't had a drink for about a 1week since my girlfriend threw me out, and now i’m fully committed to quit cold turkey all together, get my life back together and work on making a new future…I’m just afraid of having a relapse, which is what I don't want to happen. How long does it usually take before you stop getting those relapse type cravings? Besides having terrible anxiety (i don't know if its from not drinking, my money/job situation or what), but I haven't really felt any withdrawal symptoms.

Thanks everyone for readying and anyone who is willing to chime in, this forum is great, and i hope everyone the best in their recovery efforts. I’ll keep everyone posted on mine and any advice anyone has is much appreciated. Thanks again.

LBrain

Yeah, don't drink.

OH, and welcome to the forum. You'll get a lot of responses.

Thepatman

Welcome on board!

To prevent relapse you need to put everything into your recovery. This requires lifestyle changes, support, choices such as SR, AA, AVRT, Smart recovery etc.

You mention stress is a trigger for new. You need to find coping techniques, workout, yoga, mediation.

So to put things short, read on SR, you can learn the sobriety tricks that worked for others.

Good luck!

SoberLeigh

Welcome, alphatrader, to SR.

Have a look around the site; there is a wealth of information here on methods to utilize in achieving sobriety and maintaining recovery.

AA is one.

Here is a link to others:

Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Inchworm

You sound like a very intelligent young man and I applaud you for taking this emotionally mature step to live a sober life. Meditation helps me keep balance and is a wonderful life changing practice.

Alchemist1978

Me too! The only way I relapse! Let's quit this stupid stuff!

Dee74

Hi alphatrader - welcome

Relapse wise - you'll get out of your recovery what you put into it, so whatever healthy strategies or tools you can use to stop yourself drinking, do it. There's tons of support and ideas here

as to this question...
this is the classic addiction bait and switch.

Very few of us have bad things happen everytime we drink. If we did we'd quit a lot faster.

Instead most of us have those occasional 'I'm ok/normal' nights.

I would look to those few times when I could drink like a gentleman - and totally discount the hundreds, THOUSANDS, of times I could not.

Even the worst gambler sometimes has a win - that doesn't mean he's ok or there's no problem.

The road to recovery starts with accepting that we have a very bad toxic relationship with alcohol and that the occasional 'good night' doesn't alter that fact at all.

D

Hevyn

Great to meet you alphatrader. I'm glad you found us and shared your story.

I'd give anything to go back to age 30 and do what you're doing. I knew I was headed for trouble in my 20's, but insisted on trying to be a social drinker. In the end, I was completely dependent on it. This won't happen to you. Good to have you with us.

least

Welcome to the SR family. Put all your energy into your recovery if you want to make it work. Relapse does not have to happen.

Kero

Hello and welcome!

The most important thing for me was not trying to quit alone. I thought I could do it by myself, but that didn't work. Keep reading and posting here. It helps way more than you think. AA meetings are good as well.

Identify all the things that trigger your drinking. When tempted, get help.

For me, I have to take a moment and think about what result my drinking will have. For example, tonight is Saturday night. If I stay sober, I can have a nice evening with my wife and later on stay up late and play some video games. If I drink, all of that is out the window and the night (and probably tomorrow recovering) is gone. Wasted time.

At my first AA meeting, I got some great advice. At first, you have to force yourself to quit, but as time goes on, you simply don't want to drink. Tonight I choose not to drink. I'm not giving up alcohol, but instead getting all that time back where I would otherwise be drunk and useless.

You have to find what works for you. You have to remember, that even though you might be able to handle a drink or two at times, that is largely an illusion. Your drinking almost certainly will get worse. As that happens, your control will slip more and more.

Mountainmanbob

you are past the (cold turkey) part of the journey
and on the sober road now
don't look back
only look forward

MM

Plure

I quit cold turkey too and it was rough the first week. However, 60 days out I haven't had another drop so you can definitely do it! Good luck to you!

Chillly

Ice Cream
Soda

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

Ruby2

Welcome to the forum. You stay sober for a week or two and the stress gets you and you drink. Well, if you look at that you know stress is a trigger. You know that you will almost always encounter some kind of stress in your life. What's causing the stress? What can you do in advance to head it off at the pass? You have to change deeply engrained habits. Stress in my life no longer equals drinking. I hate stress. But I hated what drinking was doing to me even more. Plan your reactions to stress in advance. And don't drink. It's sometimes almost physically painful to not pick up a drink when you want to so bad but don't do it.

Good luck.

lulukat

Welcome! I went cold turkey too, And like you, I was able to quit for a week or two a few times. I now have 4 months sober. The difference this time is I have put my sobriety first. I made changes immediately. For me--I knew I had to break some 'habits' of my addiction. A big one was stopping on my way home from work to get wine that I would drink in my car before I got homeYes, quite classy, huh? I checked out where/when AA meetings were that started right after work and started going. Some meetings are much more suitable to me than others==be open to finding a few that work for you even if you don't think AA meetings will be a long term strategy for you And be open to really listening --people that may not look like you at all-older.younger. more educated. less educated etc...--that person may say something that is spot on for your life. Did I believe that AA was my only answer? No... BUT it took care of what I knew had become a trigger "just getting off work'. Add reading, working out, going to a coffee shop AND having a dessert too with your coffee.
Congratulate yourself on taking the big step to post here. You have lots of support here. We are all in this together.

SobrioVida

Hi alphatrader and welcome to the most fantastic place on the web!

I also quit cold turkey (closing in on 100 days) but like any method it doesn't come without struggle. I had to completely alter my lifestyle - into a healthier direction - and commit myself to it. Running, yoga, meditation and herbal teas is how I did it.

Everyone will make suggestions on what's worked for them but it's up to you to find what works for you, it could be bits and pieces of several takes on recovery but what matters is you work day by day to maintain sobriety. The biggest connection between everyone is the commitment and determination to say no to the first drink, then you don't have to worry about the others Everyone's path is different but the end goal is the same. Best of luck!

GroundhogDay

After you get sober, you may find that your lifestyle was part of the problem. I also come from a finance background. These days, I pay my share of the household bills from my (socially responsible) investment income. I spend some of my free time doing volunteer work. i find this lifestyle more spiritually satisfying than day trading.

Anyway, my point is that you could probably put your financial skills to better use. There are still a lot of financing needs going unmet in the absurd regulatory environment we now find ourselves.

muddywaters

I know what it's like to loose my bank roll and drink my way out of stress.

At one point I told myself I'd only drink at social events. The problem was that like you, I had lots of free time and before I knew it I was playing golf alone, drinking cocktails the entire 4 hours, then catching a concert that night, still drinking cocktails.

I've stayed completely sober for 29 days now. And I also know that I have to never go back to that.

On a lighter note, my golf and poker skills are not as good sober.

muddywaters

I know what it's like to loose my bank roll and drink my way out of stress.

At one point I told myself I'd only drink at social events. The problem was that like you, I had lots of free time and before I knew it I was playing golf alone, drinking cocktails the entire 4 hours, then catching a concert that night, still drinking cocktails.

I've stayed completely sober for 29 days now. And I also know that I have to never go back to that.

On a lighter note, my golf and poker skills are not as good sober.