Cold weather gear
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Cold weather gear
Every time I laced up my walking shoes in the past, I first made sure the conditions were perfect. It could not be too hot or too cold outside. I couldn’t be bothered by puddles or mist, nor could I present myself in public without the proper attire. Perhaps my preferred socks were not clean. I would not tolerate even the mildest discomfort.
Sometimes I just didn’t want to think about whatever needed thinking. This was probably the case more often than I realized. I was afraid of a stretch of time alone with my mind. On those difficult days, the long-term benefit of consistent walking seemed unattainable and not worth the trouble. Learning to tolerate discomfort, both physical and emotional, is a challenge that quickly emerged when I sobered up.
I began to understand this a week ago as I sat in my car holding a bottle of vodka. I bought it because I had feelings coming I didn’t think I could handle. I hesitated. I knew this wasn’t one bottle. This was the next week, month, the rest of my life. This was the end of a lot of really good things. Is this really what you want? No, I want my life, I do. I just don’t want today, or tomorrow, or a few other things. But overall, yes, I want my life.
But this is my life. A cold, painful day when I must struggle and suffer, such days are part of my sober life. I guess my vision of a sober life didn’t include days like this. Days when the conditions are such that I feel I cannot tolerate them. Days when it would be easier to give up, and when giving up is all I’ve ever known.
It had never occurred to me before that I might be able to tolerate unfavorable conditions with a bit of preparation. I can figure out what it takes to fortify my heart and mind against the difficult things that have stopped me before, and I can make it through to a better day, stronger.
And when I look reluctantly out at a cold, wet morning, maybe all I need is some warm gear.
Sometimes I just didn’t want to think about whatever needed thinking. This was probably the case more often than I realized. I was afraid of a stretch of time alone with my mind. On those difficult days, the long-term benefit of consistent walking seemed unattainable and not worth the trouble. Learning to tolerate discomfort, both physical and emotional, is a challenge that quickly emerged when I sobered up.
I began to understand this a week ago as I sat in my car holding a bottle of vodka. I bought it because I had feelings coming I didn’t think I could handle. I hesitated. I knew this wasn’t one bottle. This was the next week, month, the rest of my life. This was the end of a lot of really good things. Is this really what you want? No, I want my life, I do. I just don’t want today, or tomorrow, or a few other things. But overall, yes, I want my life.
But this is my life. A cold, painful day when I must struggle and suffer, such days are part of my sober life. I guess my vision of a sober life didn’t include days like this. Days when the conditions are such that I feel I cannot tolerate them. Days when it would be easier to give up, and when giving up is all I’ve ever known.
It had never occurred to me before that I might be able to tolerate unfavorable conditions with a bit of preparation. I can figure out what it takes to fortify my heart and mind against the difficult things that have stopped me before, and I can make it through to a better day, stronger.
And when I look reluctantly out at a cold, wet morning, maybe all I need is some warm gear.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Originally Posted by Briar 
And when I look reluctantly out at a cold, wet morning, maybe all I need is some warm gear.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Originally Posted by Briar
I was afraid of a stretch of time alone with my mind. On those difficult days, the long-term benefit of consistent walking seemed unattainable and not worth the trouble. Learning to tolerate discomfort, both physical and emotional, is a challenge that quickly emerged when I sobered up.
Ya**!
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Canada! wtf eh?
Posts: 1,123
Very eloquent Briar!
Just came out of the cold myself after hiking with my dog and had forgotten my gloves... Go figure, lol.
Always good to set ourselves up for success. A little preparation goes a long way.
Just came out of the cold myself after hiking with my dog and had forgotten my gloves... Go figure, lol.
Always good to set ourselves up for success. A little preparation goes a long way.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
[QUOTE=Anna;5074405]the addiction wants us to believe that we cannot survive normal 'hard days'.[QUOTE]
I do see this now. I always thought my hard days must be harder than others' because they got through them okay while I didn't. Being here and talking to others gives me a window into what hard days are like for them, and they look a lot like mine. It puts things in perspective and helps me understand that coping is something I can learn, it isn't something I was irreversibly born without.
I do see this now. I always thought my hard days must be harder than others' because they got through them okay while I didn't. Being here and talking to others gives me a window into what hard days are like for them, and they look a lot like mine. It puts things in perspective and helps me understand that coping is something I can learn, it isn't something I was irreversibly born without.
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