Hello I am new
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Vermont
Posts: 3
Hello I am new
Hello, I am an adult child of alcoholic. I have had 2 relationships in a row with Herrion addicts ( recovered when i met them). I have been google-ing all kinds of phrases to find answers that don't exists. When will my "ex stop using? when will he call? How long before he goes back to jail."
We knew each other for 1 year and lived together for 4 monthes. He cheated and left me for that woman. Who happens to be the mother of his 13yr old child. I know he is using as he has fallen off the map, gone cold, and became a different person sense he left. I know he left me for herrion, not the mother of his child, she was another person to get what he wanted.
I cancelled his phone plan, so I have no contact with him. I know he is not the man I was with. I miss that man terribly, he moved 3 hrs away, so its not like I can see him on the street. It feels like a huge death. I am so grateful he left, I have too much to risk.
Its been 2 wks sence I have heard from him.. it feels like forever. I know he will call when he needs something. He just got out of jail after 4yrs. All my friends believe he will be back there. I hope something drastic happens before they catch up with him. So he hits bottom and gets clean. I know I am better off with him not in my life but I miss him dearly. I am sure some of you can relate . Any words to help the healing are welcome.. Thank you.
We knew each other for 1 year and lived together for 4 monthes. He cheated and left me for that woman. Who happens to be the mother of his 13yr old child. I know he is using as he has fallen off the map, gone cold, and became a different person sense he left. I know he left me for herrion, not the mother of his child, she was another person to get what he wanted.
I cancelled his phone plan, so I have no contact with him. I know he is not the man I was with. I miss that man terribly, he moved 3 hrs away, so its not like I can see him on the street. It feels like a huge death. I am so grateful he left, I have too much to risk.
Its been 2 wks sence I have heard from him.. it feels like forever. I know he will call when he needs something. He just got out of jail after 4yrs. All my friends believe he will be back there. I hope something drastic happens before they catch up with him. So he hits bottom and gets clean. I know I am better off with him not in my life but I miss him dearly. I am sure some of you can relate . Any words to help the healing are welcome.. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: sacramento california
Posts: 217
Welcome; you will find lots of encouragement here; I too am an adult child and I am an alcoholic trying to quit; the people here have been there for me; it's always hard to let go of something or someone you care about; do what you need to do to take care of yourself and the rest will fall into place where it should;
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
Welcome, flwrgirl, to SR.
Keep moving forward with your life while taking positive steps to ensure a bright future. There is really nothing you can do for your addicted ex; all responsibility for his behavior and any change in that behavior rests soley and squarely with him.
Personally, while as difficult as it may be for you, I would block his number; don't let yourself become his fall-back person.
We are here for you.
Hugs.
Keep moving forward with your life while taking positive steps to ensure a bright future. There is really nothing you can do for your addicted ex; all responsibility for his behavior and any change in that behavior rests soley and squarely with him.
Personally, while as difficult as it may be for you, I would block his number; don't let yourself become his fall-back person.
We are here for you.
Hugs.
Ya**!
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Canada! wtf eh?
Posts: 1,123
You should be proud of yourself for making the healthy choice to protect yourself in spite of how hard it must be for you. I'm very sorry for your loss but glad you've sought out a valuable resource.
Welcome to our community, hopefully you can find some measure of comfort knowing you're now among those whom have had similar experiences. Within our forums you'll also find areas dedicated to family and friends of those suffering from addiction.
Welcome to our community, hopefully you can find some measure of comfort knowing you're now among those whom have had similar experiences. Within our forums you'll also find areas dedicated to family and friends of those suffering from addiction.
In my opinion you're better off not being connected to a heroin addict. That is a rough way to live. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,358
Welcome to the forum flwrgirl! Sometimes even Google doesn't have the answers that we need to see so plainly in black and white! You can't win over heroin - he'll choose it every time. So sad but that is how we addicts are until we turn it around for ourselves. I hope you can move forward in your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Vermont
Posts: 3
Thank you all. The mind can be a terrible thing. I go from moments of clarity knowing I am better off. To "shoulda, woulda, coulda" .. "When will he call?". There is no number to block. Thank you for the support. I am not sure if u all know about the Vitrol shot.. (opiate blocker).. but it is helping another friend who is in recovery. It is no addictive, those of you wo have a battle with herrion I hope u have the power to choose this option. It could help change ur life. warmly..
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Take care of yourself today
Originally Posted by flwrgirl 
I know I am better off with him not in my life but I miss him dearly. I am sure some of you can relate .
It seems that as we get older (most of us) realize that although I (we) love someone it does not mean that we are necessarily good for one another. And if this is the case it is best to move on. True the heart is broken and at the time it seems that the pain will go on forever. But, it does not.
Also we should note:
It's hard to find the right one when we are with or waiting on the wrong one. Best to be free healthy and available.
I was with the wrong one once for around 12 years. She had something that I enjoyed if you know what I mean and I put up with some crazy things just so I could have my little pleasure fix. I knew we should not be together. I knew we were both just wasting our time and lives. Once we broke up (for the last time) I knew that I was free and waited for the right one and took time to work on myself. It all seems to happen in God's timing if we are doing the right things.
Take care of yourself today and keep doing what you are doing -- seeking support.
Mountainmanbob
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
welcome....
I hope you find some comfort, insight and friendship here.
I also hope you take the steps you need to take in order to learn for yourself why you pursue relationships with addicts and allow yourself to be co-dependent and taken advantage of.
I'm sorry if that sounds judgemental. I am only going on what I read in your own post that strikes me pretty clearly as a description of co-dependent behavior.
Nobody deserves to be cheated on, lied to and treated poorly and addiction is not an excuse. As an ACOA, you already know well the pain that living with addiction causes. It may be that in some way you are drawn to relationships with addicts in a misguided attempt to 'heal' a wound inside you.
From my own experience in that approach, I can tell you that it won't work. the only person who can heal you - is YOU. And that is your most important work in life. You can't save someone else, and even if you manage to help save someone else, it will not heal that pain inside.
I hope you find some comfort, insight and friendship here.
I also hope you take the steps you need to take in order to learn for yourself why you pursue relationships with addicts and allow yourself to be co-dependent and taken advantage of.
I'm sorry if that sounds judgemental. I am only going on what I read in your own post that strikes me pretty clearly as a description of co-dependent behavior.
Nobody deserves to be cheated on, lied to and treated poorly and addiction is not an excuse. As an ACOA, you already know well the pain that living with addiction causes. It may be that in some way you are drawn to relationships with addicts in a misguided attempt to 'heal' a wound inside you.
From my own experience in that approach, I can tell you that it won't work. the only person who can heal you - is YOU. And that is your most important work in life. You can't save someone else, and even if you manage to help save someone else, it will not heal that pain inside.
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