Redheadsusie

I guess the anger turned to sadness. I know the process and this is part of it but it still is upsetting. I have so much to be grateful for- I have a successful career and can take care of myself. I have 2 wonderful sons who call me and check on me and love me to pieces. I have 2 sisters who live nearby who love me and many dear dear friends. I have a companion Golden Doodle who gives me quiet comfort and love and will just lay on me and kiss me and love away my tears when I am sad. I miss my folks - they both have passed within the past 4 years. I miss having a partner - AH never was one- he was all about himself. I just wanted to remind myself I do have many blessings in my life . Too much loss- I have lost my folks and I finally ended it with AH - I have lost that relationship - but it was going nowhere - he is happy drinking and being selfish. I can't live like that anymore- I am thankful for my strength to finally end it- but I don't feel strong - I feel sad and weak and just pathetic. Trying to talk myself out of a holiday party with clients/friends tonight. Son of a Biscuit ................................. What the French toast? Trying to curb my language for the holidays .

SoberLeigh

((((Redheadsusie)))). The Holiday event might be just what you need.

dandylion

Dear ReadHead....it is perfectly o.k. to be aware of your feelings and to express them (especially to those who really understand).

You are aware that this is part of your natural and expected grieving....and that is a good thing. But, I do know that it doesn't make the real pain any less, in the moment.
I am so sorry for the loss of your parents. I know that it is even harder during the holidays.

I am so glad that you have come here to share this with us. So many of us can relate, exactly, to how y ou are feeling.

dandylion

amy55

Hey susie,

You get dressed up in your best and get to that party. Did I tell you today how terrific I think you are?

No man is an island, but sometimes we feel that way when married, that we have to be that "island", "isolation". Go out and do not isolate. You will feel much better about yourself having done that, and oh, you need to tell us what you are going to wear, and what a knock out you will be with that gorgeous outfit and your terrific red hair.

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy

Redheadsusie

Oh Boy- Tears flowing - Thank you so much for your kind words. I need to get myself together and go and have some damn holiday fun! Sniff Cry- Wipe Snot - Snort- I am a mess. :-)

dandylion

RedHeadSuzie.....LOL!

amy55

You can do it susie !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

amy55

Susie, there were many times that I just wanted to sit home and isolate, but I made a commitment. Wanted to cancel out of it that day, or even the whole week before. Made myself go. Christmas, I would listen to Christmas music the whole way there. That always got me into a good mood. Then just going into the party and there were actually people there that wanted me to be there. What a feeling that is !!!!!!!!!!!

Wish I could hold your hand and take you there myself. You won't regret going. I promise you that.

Go have a really great evening.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy

and PS ---- I want to hear all about it.

LexieCat

What the French toast--I'll have to remember that one!

You are going to be smashing tonight. Sometimes the things we least feel like doing are the very thing to get us out of a funk.

Can you maybe go out and pet that lawnmower you fixed while you're at it? You are woman, watch you wrench (and wield a screwdriver). No dang duck gonna keep you down.

And if I hadn't already colored my hair red, I'd do it just for the strength it gives me.

Redheadsusie

You ladies make me feel calmer and less alone and for that I am grateful! I am heading out in my red Christmas sweater and tall black leather boots to feel foxy- I do have on pants too- not feeling that foxy! I will go celebrate with people who do care about me and watch the golf cart parade - people decorate their carts all Christmas like and it is super fun - they make them into sleds and all kinds of stuff- they go nuts! I will spend time with my friend whose husband died this time last year of Pancreatic Cancer- she is the one who needs support and love - I will be fine- Maybe a little meaner - but fine! :-( Much peace to you and thank you again! Lexie- I will go kiss the lawn mower to show good will towards man and lawn mower and I agree my carrot top gives me strength- Amy thanks for the motivation- I really need it and am grateful!

amy55

Thank you,

Our own little SR cinderella, you go kick some azz tonight. Meaner is good. It means fiesty. You made my night for me !!!!!!!!!

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy

PS ---- Have a really rockin good time tonight, you deserve it, and ohhhhhh you are going to look terrific !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eauchiche

Dear Suzie
Our ex leaves a hole in our life that only they can fill, until we fill it with something else. It is okay to realize this, and it is okay to feel sad.
I went to our church last week because I was feeling profoundly sad. I asked my higher power, who is Jesus, to fill the empty places in my life. And you know, he really has.

amy55

Hey, so how did it go????????????

marie1960

that's what I am waiting to hear also, how was the party?

Redheadsusie

It was fun- I stayed a few hours- food was great people were nice - golf cart parade was awesome! I felt uncomfortable but faked it and then left and went to see a movie by myself. I am a pretty good date damnit! I appreciate you guys supporting me and helping me make myself go. I really am thankful! Hugs-

LexieCat

I'm a pretty good date for myself, too! Glad you had fun!

maia1234

Susie, Good for you for going to the movie alone. That is something that I want to do but so afraid to do. I am very proud of you and you are stronger then me!!

LexieCat

I totally LOVE going to movies by myself. I also go out to dinner alone, go to concerts and plays alone. If I waited till I had someone else who wanted to go, I'd miss out on a lot of things I like to do. Sometimes I go with friends, of course, but I have just as much fun when I go by myself.