wanttobehealthy

Did any of you (if you care to share) have to file bankruptcy due to a divorce or the reckless financial choices of your A?

I'm seeing a bankruptcy lawyer next week to discuss options and am sad and scared.

I was always so responsible with money and liced modestly at best. Yet this divorce has devastated me financially and I am not sure I have many options left.

It seems huge and overwhelming to be facing this and I'm embarrassed by it since I feel like it says I'm irresponsible that I am in this position.

LexieCat

I know several good, hardworking, responsible people who have had to file for bankruptcy for one reason or another. I know it's embarrassing, but it doesn't say anything about you as a person. Sh*t happens.

The biggest problem, really, is that it will ding your credit for a while. I'm on a credit forum, though, and a lot of people are able to start rebuilding credit fairly quickly and have a decent credit score before the bankruptcy is even off their credit report. You probably wouldn't get a great mortgage rate for a while, though. If you won't need to apply for credit for a while you might come through with relatively little pain.

sosadandhurt

So totally understand this. I am not at the bankruptcy part but my finances are a horrible mess. He is living good and I am living day to day. And all of it spent on weekend vacations and whatever to make him happy. Ugh!!!!! Makes me soooo mad that I did it and I only have myself to blame. I would love to be like him and blame everything on someone else, but, no, it is my own darn fault.

wanttobehealthy

My credit is already in shambles. I'm talking low 500's down from over 800 a year and a half ago... So I was thinking bankruptcy couldn't be much worse. And it may be the only way I can stay in my home.

It's humiliating to be unable to meet my obligations and I feel crummy having to consider it but I don't see many other options

suki44883

I did. It was humiliating, but I did what I had to do. I had to lose my dream house, but it gave me a fresh start and I am sorry it had to happen, but I'm not sorry I did what was necessary. I had two kids to raise.

LexieCat

Then those are pretty good reasons. See what the lawyer has to say. You'll have a much better idea about whether this is a good option for you after you do that.

wanttobehealthy

PS. just re read my original message and thanks to the joy of typing on my phone I said liced modestly vs lived modestly. Lol. A tiny bit of humor amidst all of this I guess. My girls both caught head lice from a classmate last week and I just went through lice hell here at home so it's comical that I had that autocorrect error I suppose.

Coldfusion

I and my wife drank ourselves into bankruptcy. We had maxed out our credit cards and couldn't make any payments.

The most important thing is to be able to come out the other side of bankruptcy without expenses exceeding income. I wish you all the best!

sosadandhurt

Bankruptcy isn't all bad. I have friends that have done it and now are living great. I am lucky in that I have support when I need it. My ABF has nobody that can help him if he loses the oilfield job that he has. I will always be ok. You will too. Just keep doing what you have to do and it will all be ok in the end. Hugs to you because I know what you are feeling right now.

sosadandhurt

I am wishing you the best. Hang in there and it will all come together.

LexieCat

I know, I was sitting on my typing fingers because I knew you were distraught, but it's really hard for a smartass like me not to make a joke about how "lousy" the situation was.

But now that I know you can still laugh, "Wow, that really IS a lousy situation."

And I do think that if one lices, one should lice modestly.

wanttobehealthy

LMAO at the "louse-y" situation line! Brilliant! I can always laugh at myself and the humor to be found in the endless craziness that can be life sometimes!

I adore you for being a smartass just like me Lexie .

Never hesitate to poke fun at me particularly given my self proclaimed grammar nazi title.

It just makes it all the more priceless that not only did I screw up the language but the fact my kids actually had lice last week just makes it even better! Lol

LexieCat

Hey, a sense of humor has always been one of the keys to my survival. If I ever lose that, then shoot me or something. Life wouldn't be worth living.

Good to see YOU can still laugh, too. You're gonna be OK.

(I guess we shouldn't talk about nit-picking though, right? I mean, that really WOULD be going too far.)

wanttobehealthy

Funny thing... xah loved to tell me that I nitpicked at him over every little thing (you know little things like drinking and driving etc). In any event, now that I have spent 8+ hours in the last week white literally nit picking nits from my kids darn thick hair (can't blame their dad for that. That's all me) I'll probably laugh everytime someone mentions the term nitpicking from here on out!

suki44883

While I lost my house, I realized a house is not a home. A home is an abode filled with love and serenity. The house I ended up living in was smaller and didn't have all those bells and whistles, but you know what? It felt more like home than the so-called dream house ever did.

LexieCat

OK, I'll kwell my punning.

Hey, at least laughing is still free.

wanttobehealthy

No no don't quell the puns at all Lexie!

Suki, I totally agree about a house being a space and a home can be anywhere. I have a very small, old, house which I hated when xah lived here too. But with my kids I've made it a cozy home and my mortgage is no more than rent locally would be so I'm hoping I can stay here.... If it's not meant to be ill figure it out...

Coldfusion

We didn't have a plan for what to do after bankruptcy--we didn't even have jobs. But we were sober, and that was all that was necessary to turn things around.

suki44883

Depending on which Chapter bankruptcy you file, it's quite possible you can keep your house. I was set up on a monthly payment plan to pay the debts allotted to me after the bankruptcy. I chose to have those payment taken out of my paycheck, so it was taken care of before I ever saw my paycheck.

I hope you don't have to go the bankruptcy route, but if you do, you will survive and have a clean slate from which to start. I wish everything good for you and your girls. (((HUGS)))

TerpGal

Same here. Chapter 7. RAH drank our money away, bought insane crap on the internet while drunk and spent money on ridiculous things sober to fill some hole. We are going to lose our house in this but I am actually happy about it. All the drinking and terrible behavior happened here. Too many bad memories. I actually felt relieved when we first met with our lawyer and even MORE relieved when it was filed. Our creditors meeting is Dec. 22. It will be nice to have a clean slate. As for our credit.......it really can't get worse than it is now so........