Jsbodhi

I keep thinking I can moderate my drinking if I just focus and try harder. Train myself.
This is not true. Clearly.
Yet time and time again this comes up.
Please help!!! Tough love welcome, I am ludicrous.

Dee74

I'm not sure anyone can tough love you into accepting that you can't moderate.

I can share my story tho...I lost everything I held dear to me, not once but twice, because I could not accept I could not drink.

I nearly ended up dead because of my stubborness.

By finally giving up on the idea I could moderate, I discovered so much to my life, so much more joy, meaning and love.

I never would have discovered all that had I kept drinking.

What do you think you'll miss out on by being a non drinker jbodhi?

D

Hevyn

I thought that way for decades! I was growing more dependent each year, until finally I was drinking 24/7. There never was any control - though I fantasized about magically becoming a social drinker. Once that first drink hit my bloodstream, any plans of using willpower flew away.

In the end, it was much easier to just kick it out of my life. No more pretending 'this time it will be different'. No more putting myself (and others) in danger. It took some adjustment, but I know now - I never needed it. It's a false friend, a lie we tell ourselves. Jsbodhi - you're not going to pick up.

SoberLeigh

Acceptance that I could not moderate and that alcohol had nothing good to offer me was instrumental to my recovery. I failed at every single attempt at moderation. I spent years trying resulting in thousands of Day 1s and more internal misery than I can describe.

Sobriety is possible; moderation for an alcoholic is not. You can do this, Jb; just give up reaching for the impossible.

Jsbodhi

Ok! I've gotten it out of my head now, I think it was just because I came home after a long day and started cooking, usually I would open a bottle of wine.
I think it was habit, I feel better, it was just a flood.
Thanks for responding team.

Jsbodhi

I've tried moderating for years too, it clearly doesn't work for me.
Battle against the AV!

least

I had to accept that I couldn't have "just one or two". Just not possible for me. Like Hevyn says, it always ended badly. I too am much happier sober. My life is so much better in so many ways. I am happy now.

Nonsensical

My addictive voice loves to tell me lies. Its favorite is next time will be different.

It's never different.

I stopped taking advice on my future from the known liar living in my head and my life got a lot better. I highly recommend it.

Frixion

This is what I call the addict voice (AV). It's trying to give you reasons on why it's okay to drink, but try to remember the AV will lie to you in very subtle ways. Use reason, logic, or your HP to combat this voice. Stay sober sweetie, we are all here for you

Frixion

hehe we sent similar replies at the same time!

Anna

I came very close to losing my family and my health, all while being determined to control my drinking. I spent so much energy and time focusing on my so-called controlled drinking. And, I failed every single time. And, the worst part is that every single failure stole more of my fragile self-esteem.

Do yourself a favor and just stop drinking for good. It will be easier and you will feel so much better.

trachemys

Because your hindbrain will say anything necessary to get alcohol. It's a junkie buried in your normally normal brain that wants a buzz at any cost. Moderation is the wedge it can drive deeper and deeper between you and sanity until moderation turns in to the occasional lost weekend and then turns in to drinking 24/7.

BTDT.

LexieCat

I totally get that feeling. In my case, it's because I am tenacious and determined and it has always served me well. Except for that one THING.

I guess what happened with me was I decided that as much as I WANTED to be able to drink moderately, I just plain wasn't satisfied with it. It wasn't a matter of inability to do something "right," it was a matter of something in my head that made me perfectly rational and competent about every aspect of my life except this. So I finally concluded it wasn't that I couldn't, it was that something in me just didn't want it. If I was going to drink it wasn't satisfying on any level unless I over drank and did that every day.

So I just plain accepted it and quit fighting it. Much, much easier. I don't battle with "why can't I?" any more. It doesn't matter--it's no longer relevant. Moot point.

Clementina

I can totally relate Jsbodhi! I keep thinking the same thing. I have already stopped drinking, and I am in the process of wrapping my mind around the fact that moderation is impossible for me. It's NOT easy! Because ultimately I wish I could drink in moderation, and experience has shown time and again that I can't.

Over the years I have kept trying and trying to learn to moderate. I've kept telling myself a balance is possible. Set strict limits. Drink only on weekends, 2 days per week. No more than 3 drinks per night. But the pattern is always the same. I can moderate for 1-2 days, then the AV is back in full effect. I start bingeing and blacking out. Sucks.

True moderation, by definition, though, means like 1/2 to 1 drink, maybe 2-3 times a week. It's not enough to give you anything like a buzz. So why even bother? It's basically the same thing as sobriety. Except it's a huge trigger. Framing moderation in this way helps me let go of moderation as a desirable goal.

The idea of "moderation" in reality is probably just a veiled version of active drinking to my addicted mind.

I've always been an all-or-nothing kind of person. It's a blessing and a curse. I suspect a lot of us alcoholics and addicts are like that. I have a voracious, almost manic energy that I can either direct into productivity and beauty, or into binge drinking and darkness. If I can accept the all-or-nothing aspect of myself, that makes it easier to understand and accept that I can't drink in moderation. My personality doesn't allow for it! But my personality DOES allow me to run long distances, work on my master's, be thorough in everything I do...

Maybe some similar self-reflection on your own personality traits, and what you're REALLY after when you're chasing moderation, could be helpful?

Soberpotamus

It's your addict brain, your AV, the "beast", the irrationality of addiction, alcoholic "insanity", basically anything and everything that contributes in any way to you going out and getting a bottle and bringing it to your lips.

Can you imagine yourself as a non-drinker?

It helped me to accept, know, and believe that it's never going to be ok for me to take another drink again - no time or place is acceptable.

Squig

Put it this way- in my nearly 15 years of drinking, I can only count on probably a handful of occasions. I've lost count of the blackouts. I've lost count of the consequences. I've found I can resist the urge when I'm out at concert venues and sporting events. It's when I get home in my own mind that I'm in trouble, and before I know it I'm driving to the liquor store and three days of my life vanish at a time. The old habits like looking at my watch when I pass a liquor store were still there even when I had some sober time.

Jsbodhi

The funny thing is that I love being sober!!!
The AV is so tricky, mines very subtle and gentle, and sly!!!!!

CAPTAINZING2000

I'm guessing my moderation of a thirty pack was a bit much for most people!!
Sigh!!!

SoberLeigh

And it gets better and better, Jsb!!!!

matilda123

That made me laugh out loud

Whoops! that went to the wrong post! I thought I was responding to "my precious," which seems to be working subconsciously on me at the moment, I guess!