Stewy84

He more this week and tonight goes on, the more I'm feeling compelled to drink , I'm trying to pick myself up, it's not working!!!

Nonsensical

What's going on Stewy? Can you get out of your house and out of your head for a while? Get some air, maybe?

SoberLeigh

I am sorry that you are struggling, Stewy. Talk to us.

Stewy84

Anything I do at the minute seems to start off with the best intentions and then I just feel like a bombs dropped and I'm suddenly so low- take for example today when I went to get a Xmas tree with my girlfriend and spent some time with my daughter. These are things that would usually be nice occasions for me yet I felt like I wanted to escape but the thing is....I don't know what to!!!

I'm a prisoner in my own house, I've had to pack my ps4 away because I'm spending unhealthy amounts of time on it, I have no nice food in because when I do, I just gorge myself on it, thus putting on weight which is something I don't want to do (already heavier than I need to be) I stress about money, Christmas, my clothes don't fit me, I have to go to work Monday, my football is cancelled etc

I'm not sleeping properly, I feel like there's this giant fog hanging on me all day which had only been magnified more this week due to me being off work. Work- I dunno how the hell I'm meant to go back in the state I'm in I'm a complete and utter mess.

I can't get to sleep and then when I wake, can't get up at a reasonable time.

I keep trying to tell people around me and they're just saying "oh, it'll just be the time of year" or "maybe it's the flu".

I have no idea myself anymore. I'm trying like mad, got up today and worked out, spent some time out of my head and went out, I've seen my daughter but I'm now back to this horrible feeling of dread.

Drinking will not solve it I know, I understand that. I'm just running out if ideas fast. My girlfriend would be so disappointed in me if I caved but right now, I just need to escape from me.

SoberLeigh

Have you had a talk with your doctor about anxiety and depression; have you shared with him/her about exactly how you are feeling?

Findingtheway

"I just need to escape from me"

Well now...That sounds familiar.
Call it getting out of your head...Making adjustments in your life as needed. I knew i needed to change my day to day life or sooner or later i would return to my destructive drinking patterns.

Drinking may seem like the escape you are looking for...But TRUST me it ain't.
It'll set you back. I had 30 days sober and was fighting the feelings you are talking about on my own...Was resistant to the AA friends i had made.

I drank. And i ended up blacking out and awoke in the hospital. It wasn't pretty.

I'm 70 days sober now, from that frightful day. I've had an anxious week and had some of those thoughts of drinking return. BUT i acted on them.

I went to my AA group. Talked to people who understand.
Cling tight to your sobriety. Take time for yourself too...I found i can mentally beat myself up REALLY good.

At the end of the day...Why are you staying sober? I'm doing it for so i can LIVE a better life.

Simple as that.

Lenina

Stewy,

Sorry you're struggling, it will pass. Hold on to that thought. What you are feeling is "beast activity". Have you read up on AVRT? That's Addictive Voice Recognition Technique. Check it out and maybe read up on Rational Recovery. There's good stuff on the Secular Thread.

for me, life got a lot easier when I was able to figure these feelings out and know I don't have to act on them. You might take a few minutes and write out a gratitude list. That helps me too.

Love from Lenina

Stewy84

I'm reluctant to take any medication, my gp did ask about depression and I said I didn't feel I was but my thought processes are causing me to feel terrible and this has now been the case for near enough 2 weeks.

I worked hard to wean off citalopram and sort if pride myself on not having to take it these days.

Soberwolf

Try this Stewy http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

you might have depression and not realise it Stewy if you drank now it wouldnt solve anything it will make everything worse and youl have to do this all again because you want to be sober i promise you now that if you were to drink youl regret it....instead..

my advice is go bk to your doctor tell him you need help with the stress they will help

hang in there Stewy stick close to SR

Stewy84

I guess I could have depression. But it seems strange That it suddenly "dawned" on me in an almost overnight fashion

Stewy84

I keep just saying "come on, get on with it, there's nothing wrong with you" but it doesn't last

Soberwolf

I would just explain to doc and talk about it and remember you got us

Dee74

but considering drinking again?
That makes no sense.

I don't know if you have depression or not Stewy but why not see your Dr and at best you'll rule it out, & at worst you'll have some ideas about how to handle it?

Sitting there grinding your teeth is not a long term strategy.

D

Nuudawn

Ah ya..I understand this one too. One of the things I have to remain aware of ...always..is I gotta thinking problem ...that leads to a drinking problem. I have had to get myself up and educated on ways to deal with my anxiety and my unruly mind. I need breathing techniques like belly breathing or something as repetitive as breathe in slowly thru nose to count of 4 ..hold count of 4...exhale thru mouth count of 4..repeat, repeat, repeat...
Just to shift my thinking...to my my body instead..to get out of my head.

I have been doing progressive muscle relaxation in conjunction with mediation and/or positive affirmation stuff I listen to each morning through headphones.

I NEED to attack this a different way.

In sobriety I realized I HAVE an anxiety issue ..and am prone to ruminating etc which leads to depression.

And there is no harm in talking to doc. Like Dee says...you will drink yourself senseless to "check out" rather than consider medication? Ya..no...think on that one some more okay??

We don't just stop drinking..end of story. We learn WHY we drank..we discover the underlying issues and we find NEW way to address old problems..or problems we didn't even know we had.

Anna

Stewy, I am someone who takes antidepressants. For me, they level the playing field. I tried all the self-talk 'You can do this' for years and it never worked for me.

For me, the depression is a slippery slope to alcoholism. I never want to go back to that dark and hopeless place again.

It might be something to consider.

awuh1

Get an evaluation from a mental health professional for the depression. There is much that can be done for depression. There is very good reason to be hopeful.

Stewy84

My major concern is work. It's not going to take long before people notice that I'm "off" or "not myself" or "out if sorts" or "funny with them". It's the classic are you ok questions I'm dreading.

I am freezing during conversations like just now with my daughter, I lose all train of thought and then rumination starts

I'm worrying about simple stuff, going to the shop, getting a haircut (which I keep putting off)

SoberLeigh

This is all worth talking to your doctor about, Stewy. There is nothing to lose by talking to him and possibility much to be gained.

Stewy84

I'm gonna have to take tablets again, they'll put me on them and I'll be dependent on them which I hate

SoberLeigh

I understand but if you truly need them (perhaps due to a chemcal imbalance) and they work - what a sense of relief you will experience.