LA Lady

Last night at my face to face Al-Anon meeting it was anounced that there was an opening for the group rep. position. Everyone acknowledged the fact and then we took a break. On woman in the group came up to me and said, "You should volunteer for the group rep position" I said, "No, I can't, sorry" she then says, "oh you don't have to be sorry to me, you know we need to volunteer to be of service." I replied, "I do, and I am of service." I fumed about it silently not knowing what to say to her! Next week is my 1 year Al-Anon birthday and I love my Al-Anon group except for this person. When I was only four months into the program this same woman called my home when I missed a couple of meetings. I explained to her that I have 2 daughters whose birthdays are December as well as my birthday and Christmas shopping as well and it was a hectic time for me. She said, "well, sometimes we need to go to meetings more than we need to shop" I was dumbfounded! I was too new into the program to know that she was being judgemental and taking my inventory. When I heard the words last night about not gossiping about other members, I thought it might not be a good time to say something to anyone about her, but I sure as heck wanted to! Why this woman is on my case is beyond me but it will certainly be the downfall of my attendance at that particular meeting, which I really do like! What do I say to her? Sheesh there is enough going on hence the reason for being there in the first place - who needs a guilt trip from another (longtime) member! What do I do/say?

Sunnie37

You may not want to hear this, but this woman must care an awful lot about you to call your home and suggest service which can only benefit your recovery and make you feel more apart of the group. sometimes it's the ones we dont like who become our biggest support system. She has longterm recovery and maybe she has been down your road the most? try telling her your feelings hon.

sunnie

LA Lady

I volunteer and am of service in other ways than being a group rep. I have no interest in being a rep of any kind. Nor is it any of her business what I do and whom I serve. This woman was not being a thoughtful caring friend, she was being a control freak and putting her nose where it did not belong.

I know the difference between someone who is being "there" for you and trying to "help" - this woman was not. She only sees me once in a while when SHE goes to a meeting. She does not know my life, my volunteeering, my service or my schedule. She was not saying something she thought would "help" me.

She is only longterm because as she put it, "she is still working on her control issues".

No doubt!

journeygal

LALady - I agree with you and I think it was extremely inappropriate for her to call your house and tell you you needed to go to meetings more than you needed to shop! What nerve!

Next time she tries to volunteer you, just politely tell her you'll think about it. If she keeps it up, tell her you appreciate her support but have decided not to at this time.

Hang in there!

bikewench

Hey LA...

I have to constantly remind myself that in the program... it's principles before personalities...

I've had to remind myself as well that I'm entitled to take what I like and leave the rest ...

I know I've unwittingly stepped on people's toes in the program... and I am eternally thankful that I've always felt forgiven and accepted... even when I was too caught up in my own shyte to make amends...

Besides... it's just more practice for us on preventing people from pushing our buttons..

You work your program your way... until that stops working... ;o)

Magichappens

LA Lady,
There are people in my group who have been there a lot longer than me, and they still don't get it. We don't get to recovery because we are well rounded, sane, happy people. Some people take a lot longer to learn to focus on themself. If someone is focussed on how I am living, I let them know that I am doing just fine making my own decisions, and although I appreciate their concern, my recovery is mine. Just because someone has been around longer doesn't mean they are "weller" than me. Try not to take it too personally that she needs to focus on others instead of herself. She will "get it" when it's time for her to get it. She's just doing what codies do. Hugs, Magic