First Alanon meeting tonight....so nervous!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
First Alanon meeting tonight....so nervous!
Well, by the grace of God, I somehow finished my 11 page research term paper and took my math and English finals today through all of this insanity. I'm so thankful to be finished until next semester -- the last few weeks were extremely tough considering the situation.
I've decided to attend an alanon meeting tonight - I'm slightly terrified, but I know I need this. A part of me wants to just sit here and not go anywhere, but I know I need to start putting one foot in front of the other to get moving along the road of recovering from the last 2 years in this relationship, not to mention an entire childhood of growing up with 2 alcoholic parents.
Soooo nervous.
I've decided to attend an alanon meeting tonight - I'm slightly terrified, but I know I need this. A part of me wants to just sit here and not go anywhere, but I know I need to start putting one foot in front of the other to get moving along the road of recovering from the last 2 years in this relationship, not to mention an entire childhood of growing up with 2 alcoholic parents.
Soooo nervous.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
You won't be sorry, friend!
Please be sure to attend six meetings in a row to decide if the program is for you. It also does not hurt to try different meetings to find a good "fit."
You will find a very non-threatening environment where you are free to share or not.
Good luck. Keep coming back!
Please be sure to attend six meetings in a row to decide if the program is for you. It also does not hurt to try different meetings to find a good "fit."
You will find a very non-threatening environment where you are free to share or not.
Good luck. Keep coming back!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Aw, don't be nervous! Actually, an Al-Anon meeting is one of the LEAST stressful gatherings you will ever experience!
Just relax, let people know that you're new, and everyone will be friendly and welcoming. Don't worry about saying or doing the wrong thing, and you don't have to say anything unless you want to. If they go around the room for sharing and you don't want to, you can just say, "I'd like to just listen tonight." Or if you do want to share, go ahead and do that. And don't worry about crying or anything--lots of people do (especially in the beginning), and no one will think anything of it.
I think you will LOVE it. They are people just like us.
Just relax, let people know that you're new, and everyone will be friendly and welcoming. Don't worry about saying or doing the wrong thing, and you don't have to say anything unless you want to. If they go around the room for sharing and you don't want to, you can just say, "I'd like to just listen tonight." Or if you do want to share, go ahead and do that. And don't worry about crying or anything--lots of people do (especially in the beginning), and no one will think anything of it.
I think you will LOVE it. They are people just like us.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Oh, and HUGE congrats on finishing your paper and your finals!! I remember those days.
Actually, I'm finishing up a 16-page article (with two pages of endnotes) myself, and ugh, those final few notes are a BEOTCH.
Actually, I'm finishing up a 16-page article (with two pages of endnotes) myself, and ugh, those final few notes are a BEOTCH.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
FRH, I think it's likely you'll leave feeling like the weight of the world has been lifted from your shoulders--I sure did! SR and Alanon have been a great combination for me, since each has its own strengths. I hope you find the same.
I'd love it if you'd post after the meeting and tell us how it went.
I'd love it if you'd post after the meeting and tell us how it went.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I hope you did go, and I can tell you it was very scary for me, too, the first time. It was like... if I walked through those doors, I admitted there was a problem (of course, I thought I could just walk in there and get the husband-fix-kit and walk out -- it took me a while to realize that I needed help, and that's what I got!)
I hope you found a good meeting on the first try! If not -- don't give up, just try another one!
I hope you found a good meeting on the first try! If not -- don't give up, just try another one!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Wow....what a warm, caring, and understanding group of people. Everyone made me feel very, very welcomed. I was literally fighting to hold back tears the entire time listening to stories that although not exactly the same, resonated deeply. I have an extremely hard time crying in front of anyone, so thankfully I didn't, but was on the verge more than a few times - I think I just have a hard time crying, period. Even when I'm alone, I try to stop myself. Not really sure what that's about, but at this time, it's easier not to let the flood gates open. :/
I'd definitely recommend anyone struggling through this kind of situation to go to alanon if at all possible. I only listened tonight, I don't have any of my thoughts together enough to share at this point, but the amount of understanding and compassion in that room was overwhelming in a good way. I'll definitely be returning and think I may do another meeting either Friday or Sunday.
I understand the part about it being so hard to go, it's like finally admitting to yourself that something really is wrong. Very, very wrong. I made every excuse under the sun not to go to one of these meetings for a long time. Not sure I actually made the decision to want to go or if I felt so desperate for understanding that I needed to go, but either way, I'm very happy I did go.
Lexicat - I felt the same while finishing my 'works cited' page - I was ready to throw my computer with the last few!
I'd definitely recommend anyone struggling through this kind of situation to go to alanon if at all possible. I only listened tonight, I don't have any of my thoughts together enough to share at this point, but the amount of understanding and compassion in that room was overwhelming in a good way. I'll definitely be returning and think I may do another meeting either Friday or Sunday.
I understand the part about it being so hard to go, it's like finally admitting to yourself that something really is wrong. Very, very wrong. I made every excuse under the sun not to go to one of these meetings for a long time. Not sure I actually made the decision to want to go or if I felt so desperate for understanding that I needed to go, but either way, I'm very happy I did go.
Lexicat - I felt the same while finishing my 'works cited' page - I was ready to throw my computer with the last few!
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 230
I'm so glad you made it to the meeting and that it was a good experience for you. I've been going at least once a week - sometimes two - for the past 2 months and have found it sooo helpful!
I went to a new meeting today because I really needed one and couldn't wait until my regular meeting on Friday. There were three people there today that I know from the other two meetings I have attended.
Good luck with the meetings this weekend. I actually lucked out on finding a few nearby that worked in my schedule and that I am comfortable at. Everyone says that if a particular group doesn't fit after a couple meetings move on - or just shop around until you find one you like. Granted the dynamics can be different each time depending on the attendees.
I went to a new meeting today because I really needed one and couldn't wait until my regular meeting on Friday. There were three people there today that I know from the other two meetings I have attended.
Good luck with the meetings this weekend. I actually lucked out on finding a few nearby that worked in my schedule and that I am comfortable at. Everyone says that if a particular group doesn't fit after a couple meetings move on - or just shop around until you find one you like. Granted the dynamics can be different each time depending on the attendees.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Flipped, like you I have a hard time letting any tears out even privately. I'm not sure why that is either. To me it hasn't ever felt safe to do.
I can remember my first AA call to find out if someone thought my husband was an alcoholic. It was before I moved to the house we currently live and we've been here 8 years. I went to my first alanon meeting around this time last year. Why I waited so long is probably an attempt to still deny there was a major problem. But..I'm SOOO glad I took that 1st step to get real help and I'm glad you did tonight too!! hugs!!
I can remember my first AA call to find out if someone thought my husband was an alcoholic. It was before I moved to the house we currently live and we've been here 8 years. I went to my first alanon meeting around this time last year. Why I waited so long is probably an attempt to still deny there was a major problem. But..I'm SOOO glad I took that 1st step to get real help and I'm glad you did tonight too!! hugs!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Thanks Katchie, hugs right back at you.
Isn't it a odd feeling to never feel it's ok to let the tears out? I'm not sure if I feel like it's a sign of weakness and, God forbid I show any of that, when meanwhile, strength is nothing but the illusion that I try to convince myself I have at this moment, or if it's because I'm worried that if those gates open, they may never close again.
Isn't it a odd feeling to never feel it's ok to let the tears out? I'm not sure if I feel like it's a sign of weakness and, God forbid I show any of that, when meanwhile, strength is nothing but the illusion that I try to convince myself I have at this moment, or if it's because I'm worried that if those gates open, they may never close again.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
I was just thinking that I also fear not being able to stop the flow and my AH will decide to make a surprise home visit in the middle of the work day and find me bawling. I did this earlier today and every shadow that crossed the wall I thought could be his car and had to check. It's really goofy when I think about it. I don't think he'd be mad at me.
Anyway, back to you and the big step you took..woohoo! You'll find some relief.
Anyway, back to you and the big step you took..woohoo! You'll find some relief.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Oh man, y'all are making me cry tonight. What a wonderful report!!!
And let me tell you a little secret: I hate crying in front of people. But I learned to do it in Al-Anon.
I've said before that I think I'm the reason they got a second box of Kleenex in our meeting. 
And let me tell you a little secret: I hate crying in front of people. But I learned to do it in Al-Anon.
I've said before that I think I'm the reason they got a second box of Kleenex in our meeting. Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
FRH, thanks for taking the time to say how things went, and I am SO glad they went well! SR is a lifesaver for me, and it's so great to have access to such a wide variety of ES&H. I can't imagine I would have learned nearly as much if I only had Alanon. However, being in a room, face to face w/real live people is something that only Alanon can provide, and that's something that's really important for folks like me who tend to isolate. We live our lives out in the real world, and I think that having at least part of my recovery work in a group of people, face to face, helps w/that.
Wishing you strength and clarity, and some hugs too!
Wishing you strength and clarity, and some hugs too!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 230
Originally Posted by lillamy 
Oh man, y'all are making me cry tonight. What a wonderful report!!!
And let me tell you a little secret: I hate crying in front of people. But I learned to do it in Al-Anon. I've said before that I think I'm the reason they got a second box of Kleenex in our meeting.
And let me tell you a little secret: I hate crying in front of people. But I learned to do it in Al-Anon.
I've said before that I think I'm the reason they got a second box of Kleenex in our meeting. Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
FlippedRHalo...Tears are our friends! Did you know that happy tears and unhappy tears have a different content? The unhappy ones have stress hormones in them....as natures way of reducing overwhelming stress from our bodies. (Mother Nature is sooo smart!).
I think part of being so reluctant to cry is because it feels scary or unsafe to show our vulnerability to others. Probably, something that goes back to our youth and our previous experiences with being vulnerable.
But....remember that we were BUILT to cry! It is a tool that m other nature gave us for protection.
I'm just saying.....
dandylion
**I have been able to develop crying to an art form....
I think part of being so reluctant to cry is because it feels scary or unsafe to show our vulnerability to others. Probably, something that goes back to our youth and our previous experiences with being vulnerable.
But....remember that we were BUILT to cry! It is a tool that m other nature gave us for protection.
I'm just saying.....
dandylion
**I have been able to develop crying to an art form....
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