amy55

I realized after I posted about I have everything I want and need that I was divorced in December. I had to actually sit and think about what day it was in December. I thought I missed my divorsary, but I didn't !!!!! It's today.

I think most people here know me. I had a really rough time of things this year. I had to be in contact with my ex again. Just the thought of that makes my skin crawl. I've gotten triggered here at times when there was no reason for it, and I want to thank you for putting up with me.

I was married for 27 1/2 years. I lived with him for 25. When I left I had all these questions. I was so confused. I did see therapists, psychiatrist, group therapy, outpatient alcohol treatment. I was using all of that help the wrong way. I wasn't using it for me, I was using it to try to understand what was happening to me, and to try to fix that situation. The situation was, I was in an abusive relationship, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't fix it. That didn't stop me from trying though. I am so happy that I pushed my ex to file for a divorce because I left him, because I don't think I could have done it. I was so mentally sick then, I was in a "F.O.G.", I couldn't think straight at all, my mind just focused on one thing, and one thing only, "how can I fix things and make things better?" I really was one sick puppy.

I joined this forum after I bought my house, about 8 months after my divorce. I was soooo happy when I bought my foreclosure, (lol) then things went to h3ll here. My house was in worse shape then I was. I found myself sitting at my table everyday with a beer in hand calling contractor after contractor. No one really wanted to deal with the problems that I had with the house. I have talked a lot about that here.

What I wanted to say, and what I am trying to get at is this.... SR helped me heal. I didn't know how or why, but I think I do know today. See, I did listen when I went to therapy, I wasn't using it for me though. I can relate to a lot of posters here, but when I relate I tend to tell a little of my story. I do hope that is helpful to others, because it is most helpful to me. There were so many things that I did not acknowledge, or that I suppressed but when talking to others I can bring it out, then I can look at that, see how it affected me, and work on that. Because of this I have mended a few bridges, and totally closed a few bridges.

I'm no longer in denial about what my marriage was. It was awful, it was worse then I thought it was, I can see why I shut most of those things out. I needed to shut them out to survive, but now I can look at them with a clearer mind. It was almost like brainwashing.

Sorry if I am not making sense, whenever I talk about my marriage I don't know if I am making any sense.

But, today I celebrate. 4 years abuse free !!!!!! My life is good. Things are clicking back into place again. So today, I am going to dim my lights again, put the Christmas tree lights on, put my wood stove on, play Christmas music and just know that I love life and everyone here on SR.

Happy Divorsary to me !!!!!!!

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy

PS-- Have a great day today.

LexieCat

Happy Divorsary, amy!! I don't remember the dates I got divorced (only one of them was happy news), and I don't even remember the date I got married the second time--we were already separated by the time the first wedding anniversary rolled around, and the divorce happened shortly after the second one, if I recall correctly.

You've got a new life WORTH celebrating!

dandylion

Amy....I remember that you posted some great pictures of you house when you were working on it. If you see no problem...could you possibly post some pictures of your tree and your cosey living room? Reminds me of the pictures in the Wind In The Willows books....

dandylion

amy55

dandylion, I posted them the other day in the thread People told me this would happen, or something like that.

Artificial tree with plastic decorations and stuffed animals on it. Cats are having a great time with it.

Best thing about today, I can watch the snow falling. (lol)

Just hoping I don't need to shovel.

amy55

Oh, just thought of something. Y U C K !!!!!!!!
I married this azz hole twice. Once in court, and once in church.

Going to bang my head against a wall now !!!!!!!!!

amy55

amy19551's Library | Photobucket

Hey, think I am getting a little better at posting pictures even though I have no idea how I did that !!!!!!

lillamy

That means you get to celebrate TWICE on your divorsary!!!

amy55

That's funny !!!!!!!!!!. I married him on July 14th, then again on July 16th. So if I celebrate this twice, I can do it 2 days later, and that's my birthday. What a great birthday present !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just really happy I didn't have to divorce him twice (lol)

dandylion

Amy....I just looked at your pictures. I just looove your whole house! Complete with kitties, also! Your cats are georgous...that tabby could be a movie star.
With the tree, and all....it is just like Wind In The Willows, alright.

I have almost the same stove in my family room....and a photo of wolves, also!

You have a right to be grateful and proud of your sweet h ome.

Thanks for sharing this with us.

dandylion

biminiblue

You are a super success story, Ames.

I am so happy for you, love the pictures, you are a total rock star.

I pray all women find the strength you have - keep shining your light on the darkness.

Here's my silly kitty a few years ago:

Attachment 25681

He ruvs tinsel.

Eauchiche

Dear Amy
I didn't think until recently that an anniversary like that could be a "happy" one, but I am starting to entertain that possibility.
Thanks for your courage and for sharing!

redatlanta

Happy Day my Friend!!

amy55

Dandylion, I just love my house. I wasn't allowed to have pictures or anything on my walls. I once asked for just half a stone wall in our dining room. It wasn't allowed. I can now do whatever I want. I'm starting to have a hard time now trying to find new places to hang things. My whole theme thing here is forest animals. Wolves, deers, bears, raccoons, some birds, moose, squirrels, etc...

Oh, and I can watch TV !!!!!! Anything that I want, I can listen to Christmas songs whenever I please. (lol)

My cats----- I love them-----just one cat short of being that "Crazy Cat Lady".

FREEDOM.................................

amy55

Hi biminiblue, great picture. Cats are so funny. I have one cat that takes the ornaments off, then she passes it to the cat that plays with it like it's a hockey puck.

I love your tree !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come on people send me more Christmas trees. or pet pictures.

Just watching my 2 cats play fighting.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy

amy55

. Duplicate post

amy55

... Another duplicate post. What's up with this???

I know what it is. I wanted to thank biminiblue for that beautiful picture of her tree and omg beautiful kitty 3 x's.

hopeful4

Happy day my friend!!! I cannot wait to celebrate mine too.

Thank you for all you do, and all the encouragement you have given to myself and so many others.

XXX

freetosmile

Very happy that you are so happy...again, it really gives me hope for my future and although I don't know what you look like or what your house looks like, I have this mental picture of you (my idea of you) sitting in a beautiful fixer upper (which is what mine is as well) happy as a clam with your kitties. And I am losing it today......BUT your post brought a smile to my face and I needed that desperately.
Thanks Amy. And cheers to your abuse free life.

amy55

freetosmile,

You're not really losing it today, you are just very overwhelmed. BTDT. and oh, I did post some pics of my house, you can click on that in post #6.

I'll even throw in a pic of me there, just for today.

Just really happy to have met you.

((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
amy

Hawkeye13

Happy Divorsary Amy!

House, animal friends, and you are all beautiful