BirdsAteMyFace

Hi. I got sober for the last time four days ago. I have been off and on with sobriety pretty much since I was 14. I'm 35 now. I was doing really well for about 3 months, then I thought it would be okay to have some wine. It opened the floodgates of hell and sent me on a month long jag that turned me into a monster of which the likes I've never seen. I was lying, betraying people I love, drinking pretty much 24 hours a day.

I had a moment where I was going to call out sick to work for the last time, I would surely be fired. Something clicked in me and came clean to my boss, my family, and finally myself. I surrendered.

I detoxed on my own and I'm pretty sure I almost died. For the millionth time, God took pity on me and I did not. The first day I could walk without vomiting I sat down at an AA meeting and have been going every night since. Tonight will be number 3.

I am a human raw nerve right now. Stuck on the fourth step. No sponsor. Crying pretty much all day.

Glad I found this forum.

Thepatman

Welcome to the family!

Hevyn

Welcome Birds! So good to have you with us. I think it will help with the anxiety you're feeling, to know you're never alone.

You've been through a lot - and here's where it can end. You can leave the misery behind and never go back to that awful place. Be glad you're seeing at 35 what needs to happen. I continued for many more years, with disastrous results. You can do this!

ishallnotwant

Hi , Birds-- you never, ever have to feel this way again. Hang in!

Xtreem

So glad you found a place to talk to others, keep up the good work.

bunnezjp

Your name is AWESOME! Welcome

Bunnez

SoberLeigh

Welcome, Birds; glad you found us.

Don't forget that SR is 24/7/365; there is always someone here cares and truly wants to see you succeed.

Lusher

Hey BirdsAteMyFace- Welcome!

I think that you'll find a lot of support in here, which can be a huge help, as this sober stuff isn't always easy.

Congrats for taking action and moving yourself forward. This IS something that you can achieve, and I hope to see you around in here.


Lusher

mistory5

Welcome Birds! First off your name stuck up images of the movie The Birds anyway this is a great forum to add to your getting sober tool box. I found your post helpful, you see I'm 23 days sober today got a cold and felt like drinking. Your description of "opening the floodgates" jerked the reality of where a drink will lead me not if , I said will. Keep posting and keep reading. People here have been so helpful. Aa hasn't worked for me but doesn't mean it won't be a winner for u. No matter what don't give up. U must want to live or you wouldn't of came on here or even be having thoughts of stopping drinking. And when I say live I'm talking quality of life not walking dead drunk life. See u around.

BirdsAteMyFace

Thanks guys. It's just one of those days, I guess. Your words mean a lot.

I've never made my mind up to try to stay sober. I've only gotten sober until the next fiasco. It feels........different.

brynn

It is different...it's deliberate this time.
Right there with you, my friend!

Peter_819

Sorry to hear about your face.. But you can do this! This time is different if you want it to be!

Ruby2

Welcome Birds. The raw feeling fades. I hope you feel better soon. If you want a sponsor ask at a meeting if someone will be a temporary sponsor or can give you suggestions.

retiredusaf

I felt like crap for a few weeks and still have bad days. Do what they told me at AA. Stay sober and keep coming back.

JanieJ

Welcome, Birds.

You 'll find tons of support and wisdom here.

Good to have you on board.

sprout50

Welcome Birds. I would also recommend asking for a temporary sponsor and get as many phone numbers as you can at your next meeting. And stick around here.

ubntubnt

Welcome Birds. It seems we have a number of things in common though I am 7 years older than you. "Open the floodgates of hell" is exactly what I my last few benders have looked like. I have made literally hundreds of half assed attempts to go sober but this is my first REAL attempt and also my first since I discovered SR. Like you I went sober alone. I am currently on day 25 which may not sound like a lot but I had not done 5 days sober in a row in close to 20 years. If I can do this then you can do this and I intend to do this so make sure you do too. Welcome and good luck.

Fly N Buy

Glad you're here, welcome! Keep posting!
Get a sponsor! Step 4 is huge and as the saying goes.......don't try this one at home

FlyN

BirdsAteMyFace

Yeah, I'm looking over the worksheets and stuff and I think I definitely need a sponsor before attempting. I'm kind of horrified to bear my darkest thoughts to another person, though.

I'm so new to recovery, too. I may just not be ready.

Fly N Buy

A sponsor/mentor with some quality sobriety can make a lot of sense based on their experiences. Breathe, go to meetings and share as you feel compelled.

Perhaps just a temporary sponsor - someone to get you connected might be an option.

Keep coming back!!
Kind Regards,
FlyN