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Just want to say hi

Old 12-09-2014, 01:24 PM
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Just want to say hi

I just found out about this place and want to introduce myself.

Today, after I made a fool of myself once again, I decided to stop drinking alcohol. I don't think I have a physical need to drink on a daily basis but I realise that alcohol has a negative effect on my social status, confidence etc.

Being a shy person I find it really hard to meet new people, express my feeling and having a good time on parties without alcohol consumption. It makes me feel better about myself and I gain the required courage to talk to members of the opposite sex for example or have a good time in general when going out. The problem is that I have absolutely no limits whatsoever and end up embarassing myself more often than not. After nights like that I feel like a wreck and can't even look at my friends or myself in the mirror and I want to change...

Embarassement is the absolute worst feeling for me with rejection being a close second and my alcohol consumption makes people shape up their oppinions about me in a way I don't like. I fear that with alcohol out of my life I am not going to be able to have fun at all when going out (can't possibly imagine going to a party without drinking - I lose interest in attending if there is no alcohol involved), lose my drinking buddies and have an extremely difficult time creating new social contacts - I freeze and act silly most of the times when I talk with a girl without being atleast a little drunk. I destroyed my only serious relationship because of alcohol and made a fool of myself countless times but yet I am not sure I can stop drinking.

The events that lead me to seek out this place and want to give another try to stop drinking happened testerday. I went out for the first time with my new colleagues and got all messed up. I got upset over some insignifficant stuff and acted aggressively and insulting towards people that tried to help out so now most everyone think I am a piece of s##t and I feel sooooo down... What a great first impression.

I am really lost and don't know if I can stop this because of the way it makes me feel but overall alcohol has caused me a lot of pain and I need to change. I don't know where to start and how to do this but I'll give my best this time out. Thank you for reading this.
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Old 12-09-2014, 01:43 PM
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Hi Grind; welcome to SR. This is a great place for understanding, encouragement and support

I enjoy talking to people when they are sober so much more than I do when they are intoxicated.

I am sorry that drinking has caused so many problems for you. I think that you will find that sobriety brings with it no embarrassment or regrets.

Again, welcome, Grind.
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Old 12-09-2014, 01:59 PM
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Grind, it sounds like you are a younger guy and I can sympathize with the experience of alcohol providing that "liquid courage" in social situations, at parties, bars, etc. However, like you, I came to realize that false sense of courage really just turned me into a total jackass, and a dangerous one at that.

As far as women, believe me, they are much more attracted to an articulate, confident, personable man than an out-out-control drunken "party guy." I also found that during my 20s and 30s, I naturally became much more comfortable "in my own skin."

And now with some sobriety, I find myself much more personable in day to day interactions because (1) I am not hungover and miserable, (2) I am not drunk and out of control, and (3) quite simply, I feel good about myself.

You may surprise yourself too with how adept you can be socially without the booze!
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Old 12-09-2014, 02:16 PM
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Welcome. I understand your post....deeply. Since I began drinking, it was always a matter of way too much. Way too much. I first went to AA in my early 20's because I had no understanding of why I drank to such alarming states...total blackouts...often. I would wake up in strange places with strange faces...often. I was young. I didn't drink everyday. It was a weekend thing....
It was hard for me to find resonance with the "alcoholic" word because there was so much criteria my addiction would look at and be able to say..well, no....you don't do that...so "see, see see...you're not!". It was a really, really scary time ..in hindsight...

Nobody was saying anything I resonated with. All I knew is I drank to dizzying levels and put myself in harm...left myself "unminded" so very, very often.

And well..it didn't happen EVERY time I drank...but geez, if it happens 4 times in 7...those are still bad odds. And something terrible can happen in one of those 4 times...

Things can get destroyed. People can get destroyed...relationships, careers, health... love, dignity, esteem.

It's not worth it.
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Old 12-09-2014, 02:17 PM
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Welcome, Grind

I think most if not all of us can relate to making fools of ourselves in public while drinking. As you gain time in sobriety, you'll see that your embarrassment, guilt, and shame will lessen.

The great thing is you see that you need to make a big change, and you're here to do that. Hope you do stick around and read/post. SR is a supportive community
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Old 12-09-2014, 02:26 PM
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Welcome to SR & to the forum youl find a lot of support here nice to meet you
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Old 12-09-2014, 02:31 PM
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Thank you for the great share Grind. I can sympathize with how you feel.

Life is about 2nd, 3rd and 10th chances. We need to be kind to ourselves and understand that we all make mistakes, and we all will continue to make mistakes. I personally strive to make sure I don't keep repeating the same ones over and over. Drinking is one of the biggest mistakes you can continue to make.

One of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself is to stop drinking and get involved in as many programs and sites like this that will allow you to see we all have our own struggles.

Keep your resolve to stay away from alcohol and you will find the way. were all here to support one another!
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Old 12-09-2014, 02:38 PM
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Welcome to SR!

You could apologize to your colleagues. Stop drinking and be a better person sober.

As for the opposite sex, when you learn how to love yourself sober, you will emanate a "glow". Things will occur naturally. You can't hurry love someone wise once said. So first things first, get sober a seek support.

Glad you joined
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Old 12-09-2014, 02:39 PM
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Thank you all. At the moment I am feeling really determined to show myself I have the inner strength and stop making excuses about drinking!
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Old 12-09-2014, 03:05 PM
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Hi Grind

yeah I'm shy too and I grew up with a host of insecurities, self esteem poblems and negative self talk.

I turned to alcohol to help but lookign back I can see all it really did was feed all that and make it worse.

It took some time patience and hard work, but I love my life now and I love myself - some stuff I changed - the self esteem and self hatred - other stuff I accepted - I'm kinda shy and not particularly socially adept.

Putting down the bottle is the first step Grind.
Welcome aboard

D
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Old 12-09-2014, 03:05 PM
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Hi Grind

yeah I'm shy too and I grew up with a host of insecurities, self esteem poblems and negative self talk.

I turned to alcohol to help but lookign back I can see all it really did was feed all that and make it worse.

It took some time patience and hard work, but I love my life now and I love myself - some stuff I changed - the self esteem and self hatred - other stuff I accepted - I'm kinda shy and not particularly socially adept.

Putting down the bottle is the first step Grind.
Welcome aboard

D
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