freetosmile

So this weekend was pretty much a mind bender for me.

AH says (VERY unlike him) that he thinks he needs to go to treatment. I was pretty quiet with his comment because he said "I THINK I need to go". I think's can very quickly turn into "oh just forget it".
He said, "your being really quiet about it, do you have any thoughts?"

I said," well in my honest opinion, yes, I think treatment is a fantastic idea. It really helped my step dad ( I don't know that from personal experience, but my step dad told me it helped him- he married my mom when I was an adult) and I have heard that it can really make a difference. But ultimately the choice is yours and I don't want to be the one to try to sway you or push you. You have to do what is right for you".

I asked him what his therapist thought. He said that she had brought it up before and thought it was a great idea.

So......GREAT! He was a wreck all weekend long. So was I. Now it's Monday and the real work begins. He is making phone calls, needs to talk to his boss, needs to get things lined up. He is doing all of this on his own. The only thing I did was text him our therapist's phone number.
That, to me, is a positive. He is not asking me to line everything up for him. He is taking the initiative.

So....great! Now I'm freaking out because of course I am in school full time and not working. Five children and Christmas. Bills! I'm going to have to handle all of this on my own. I mean we talked about NOW might NOT be the ideal time for him to go....but then if he waits, he might chicken out. And, quite honestly...there will NEVER be a good time to leave your family and focus on you, but the need is there none-the-less.

I'm scared. I've read stuff about marriages not being good after returning from treatment. I think the codie in me is really freaking out. It took a lot for me to not try to control this situation and micromanage his every phone call or word. Ugh. I figured it would be a good time to focus on ME, but with trying to keep the fam together...that just seems like a GOOD thought, not a realistic thought.

Yikes....the more I write, the more scared I realize I am.

hopeful4

I think it's great he brought it up and that he is setting it all up. There is no good time, ever. Marriages are usually not good before either. Just be prepared to give it some time when he returns home.

I think this is a good step!

biminiblue

I think staying out of it is the best thing you can do right now. Focus on those kids. If he's in treatment for Christmas, I think that is a very good gift to all of you.

Katchie

Amen! If he does enter rehab during Christmas, look at his absence as being the gift of PEACE in your home for all of you to enjoy.

shil2587

That is fantastic news! Even if he relapses and has to do this again a few times, to get to the point of seeking help on his own is brilliant. Although some people find it difficult to reorder things in their relationship after rehab, it's not always like that. My RABF has been in three times and each time you can see the difference in him, it's only got better as he has got better (and he really is working a programming hard).

Only tip I would give is to keep on as you did. Don't push or ask questions or volunteer advice unless he asks for it and then be honest but kind.

I sincerely.hope your new year is the start of an upward trajectory for both of you.

dandylion

FreeToSmile....Yes, you do have a lot on your plate...with school and 5 kids. So, I can definitely identify with how you might feel overwhelmed.

On the positive side...this will be a good motivation for you and the kids to pull together as a family unit. How old are the kids? The children can be an amazing help if they feel that they are m aking an important contribution.
Also, a time to rearrange priorities and attend to only the most important things that have to get done. Tasks can be paired down a lot when it is a "have to" situation.

"When the going gets tough: The tough get going"....Vince Lombardy

dandylion