Jack16

Hi guys,

I hate to start the morning in a negative way. I really wanted to be posting on the Morning Gratitude thread but I slept badly and while I'm feeling positive about my sobriety, I'm feeling a lot of pain right now.

It was great to admit my problem at a meeting yesterday, but it also dredged up lots of difficult stuff, which was going round and round in my head all night. I hope I'd wake up and things would feel better this morning, but I'm still hurting, emotionally.

I know that I am wallowing in self-pity, I know I am, and I need to buck up.

Part of me thinks I should just pull myself together, another part thinks I should sort of let all the emotion be, but I don't want to just lie in the dark crying for half the day (no work today, so it's a possibility!)

Seeing a kind friend for lunch later. Could drag myself to the gym before that, even though I feel exhausted. I just don't know. At the bottom of it all I just feel lonely, and like I've been a loser forever.

I'm gonna shut up now, and I'm sorry, I don't want to just become a leech on the kindness of the forum.

Just needed to vent I guess.

Marcher13

Jack I'd love for you to join us over at Morning Gratitude but did you see the bits of gratitude you have already posted about?

* you are feeling "positive about [your] sobriety";
* you admitted your problem at a meeting yesterday
* you went to a meeting yesterday
* you are seeing a friend today
* and you're seeing your friend for lunch
* you can go to the gym today
Added by me:
* you live in London
* you're here at SR

OklaBH

I agree with March. You are gracious. Dont forget the part that you dont have to work on Monday.

Also its not "self pity". Because you are alcoholic and feel bad does not equate self pity. Alcoholic or not, we are allowed to feel bad.

Enjoy your Monday off...Im jealous!

Nonsensical

Everyone has a point of discouragement. It's what you do when you're at that point that makes all the difference.

Change is possible, therefore hope is reasonable.

FreeOwl

'Pulling ourselves together' is often a code word for 'stuffing our feeling down and pretending they don't exist in hopes they'll go away'.

Acknowledging our emotions and talking about them isn't self pity or weakness. It is essential. It's OK.

We don't want to just churn away and get swept into oblivion by them, but seeing them for what they are and allowing ourselves to feel, to have compassion for ourselves, to share with others and be seen and comforted.... That's a basic human need.

It's OK to feel bad. It's OK to feel sad. It's OK to struggle.

Guess what??? You're human.



Hold faith in the process of sobriety. It is not always easy, happy or fun. But that us also being Human.

Jack16

Thanks

desypete

this is one of the reasons i was in aa meetings 24 / 7 if i could as when i was out and around the meetings i felt much better about me and my head had no chance of dragging me down
but when i was alone in my flat i would always be feeling pain hurt guilt and fear, my head just would look for anything i could worry about

so for me i found my cure was to get to meetings day and night and tell them how it is people would come back with me after the meeting and we would have a mini meeting at my flat as they kept me company

i owe a huge debt to those people in aa who went that extra mile to help me just by being there for me to talk nonsense to

it got me through some of the huge downs i was feeling and i found the strength to just keep on plodding on

of course there were plenty of kicks up my backside to follow as i found out that i would milk feeling down and unhappy and ungrateful for all its worth but that came later on

good luck to you

Jack16

Cheers desypete

BernieE

The emotions, feelings and self-perceptions we drank to escape are all still there when we stop. You've removed the poison from your body. Now comes the real work on your heart and soul. You can do this. You are worth it.

Soberwolf

Hi Jack, Early sobriety is a rollercoaster of emotions there will be days like this so how can you feel better ? well your already going to meetings and your meeting up with a kind friend later on and your on this forum sharing and talking about it i think your doing exellent

Your not a leech jack !!! your reaching out do not feel anything but positive about this your not sitting with it your here sharing it and pls pls continue to do so i have already seen you helping out somebody today on day 1 and i thought what i saw was exellent your doing well jack ....in them moments of despair where stuff has been brought up come straight here we are all here to support each other

Jack i cant stress how well i think your doing by reaching out

GroundhogDay

Jack, you are doing great. DO go to the gym to lift your mood. I'm going to drag myself out of the house for some exercise today too. It makes a huge difference, especially over time.

It's okay to feel down. Just let it happen and resist the urge to self-medicate out of it. It will pass. If it doesn't after a few weeks, well, you know the drill. Time to see the doctor.

sugarbear1

find a day time meeting and get there and maybe talk to people today?

Jack16

Thanks soberwolf, somehow your words always pull me through.

I finally left the house and got on the bus to go and meet my friend. And then on the top deck I started crying. Just for a minute. I mean I never cry! It actually made me see the funny side of all this. I mean there I am sitting on the bus, just crying. Blimey, this is certainly new for me.

Anyway, feeling a good bit better now so that's enough for me. And the sun is shining.

Can't thank you enough.