LoveMeNow

Well, it's been a while since I have posted an update so no time like the present.

As some of you know, I finally took the plunge and left my husband. I moved to another state to help my sick aunt and really felt happy once again. Then with my Aunt's passing, my home sweet home was once again redirected. I am currently living in state and in a town I would have never have imagined. NEVER.

I found myself a cute apartment that I like. I am living alone and I love it. I no longer have good days and bad days. I might have a bad few minutes of sadness, anger, disbelief and fear. But I don't allow myself to stay "there." I simply give myself permission to feel whatever emotion is there, then release it and keep moving forward.

I can't honestly say that I am really happy yet. However, I can honestly say that I feel at peace. I am not filled with anxiety anymore and that alone is worth it.

I am not sure what my future holds but I know I am exactly where I need to be. I have a big interview tomorrow, I have studied for days for it so I am prepared. Whether or not I do well is not of huge concern because it's really not the job I want. Yes, I said that because I am never going to settle again. But I will use this interview as a learning experience and continue to pray the job I do want responds to my resume/application.

I have made a few wonderful friends. We go to church together and one of them has even has adopted me into her family. And for this, I feel blessed.

I won't deny this has been very hard for me but NOTHING was harder then living with an active addict. I am still finding and healing myself and for that I am grateful. I try to stay in attitude of gratitude and when i find myself thinking negatively, I quickly change my thinking to something positive, something that makes me smile.

I allowed my own fears to take so much from me. Never Again!! I allowed someone else's problems, addiction, to take sooooo much from me. Never again! I have come to realize that things are just meaning less stuff and I refuse to allow things to define me. I now measure success by character.

I am truly trying to live by my signature line and remembering that sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are same. And I know I did the right thing for me!

Lastly, I seldom hear much from my STBXAH anymore, but I did recently hear about him while speaking to an old business associate. The information was so sad, so unsettling that it made my stomach sick for a little while. As he continues to spiral down, I will continue to pray for him. The thoughts of trying to rescue him were very, very, very minimal. I will leave that where it has always belonged.....between him and God!!

Vale

We're glad you achieved escape velocity,LMN.

We both know (sadly) that not everyone does.

Twofish

Dear LMN!
Hello my friend and glad to hear from you! I'm so glad that your life has settled down!
You're normal again!
Living with someone in active addiction takes away so much of our hope and joy.
I'm so happy you found the way out
TF

Ann

Do you realize that when you changed your name from LoveMeNOT to LoveMENow, you made a huge turn in your thinking and that was the beginning of all the good things to come? You did that, all by yourself, and every single move you have made has taken courage, and strength and a brave heart (no I am NOT calling you Mel Gibson)...you rallied up the survival mode and went from being a victim to a survivor.

I cannot tell you how proud I am of you. Even when things didn't turn out the way you wanted, you kept trying and kept going. When one plan fizzled, you made another and now look at you...your own place and peace in your heart. If I was Mary Tyler Moore I would throw my hat in the air!

Coming back here and sharing your story will inspire others to try, to take that leap of faith to find a better and safer life. You are a beacon of light that is much needed here some days.

You caught me heading out for a week of medical stuff for hubby and me in Toronto, but I will have my computer and check in and bring you a Christmas Cheesecake, because if there is anything that needs celebrating it is the ability to find the courage to change...and then do it.

Love you lots, grasshopper, and you made my day to come here and see this today.

Big hugs and lotsa love

GardenMama

I am so glad to see you and so moved by your post. What courage & grace. All the best to you, LoveMeNow!

Eauchiche

Thanks so much for sharing. I too am contemplating a move to a different state. I also trust God fully and will try doors. We'll see which one opens.
Thanks again for your courage.

YearForMe

LMN....

I'm so sorry to hear that Aunt P passed away.

I wish you all the Love of Jesus this holiday season.

Love,
YFM

hopeful4

LMN,

I too am very sorry to hear of the loss of your aunt. I am glad you have found some peace.

God Bless!

Ann

I meant to add that I am sorry about your aunt's passing. How blessed she was to have you for a niece.

WanderingGypsy

I have followed your postings and identify a lot with your past. Thank you for posting a follow-up. Your courage is inspiring to me.