Copper442

Well, I've been lurking around this site for about a week now and I've finally mustered up the courage to join and post. I guess I hadn't because doing so kind of solidified in my mind that my problem IS a problem.

I guess I'll divulge a bit of background info so it's out there and available for review when I decide that my drinking isn't so bad. I'll be 26 on New Year's Eve and I've been drinking for 10 years. My drinking got heavy right off the bat as I have always been an all or nothing kind of person. It didn't take long before I was drinking handles of vodka a day 6 days a week. Fast forward two years and the legal problems started. I have had two felony charges and an aggravated dui which I got two years ago this weekend. During all this time I have only been sober(more just a dry drunk) once. It was when I got my dui in December 2012 to April of this year. I only stayed sober because I was facing 5 years in prison for violating my probation from the felony charges.

That was when I first realized I had a problem. I experienced some intense withdrawals and didn't really get on my feet until about 4 months in. For the sake of brevity in the last 10 years I have also had 5 alcohol related car accidents, did three stints in jail, killed numerous relationships, broke my foot, and had two excruciating ankle surgeries one on each foot to repair four shredded ligaments from a disastrous fall.

I know I need to quit drinking for my health because I have an autoimmune disease and drinking is only making it worse. I'm really hoping to get some solid support as I have never really had support before. Mostly people get frustrated every time I relapse (as this is the millionth time I've tried to get sober). I really need all the support I can get as I have always been belittled and never made to feel good enough which is probably a significant reason why I drink.

I'm on day 2 and I'm just hoping this is all worth it. I apologize for the length of this post and how disjointed my thoughts are. If you took the time to read this I do appreciate it and I'd love all the advice and support I can get.

Jsbodhi

Hi! Glad you decided to join!
My drinking is ludicrous too, I'm a binge drinker that was turning into an almost everyday drinker. I've ruined relationships, and I'm a mean b1tch drunk, normally a happy go lucky friendly person sober.
I hope you stick around and join everyone in recovery, we're all going through or have been through it, strength in numbers I believe
Xoxo, looking forward to getting to know you better.
Post here if you feel bad or belittled, we got your back!

ClearEyes24

Copper- you are at a great place for support and advice. Read as much as you can, here and elsewhere. You need to arm yourself with as much information as possible as you will probably feel lousy for a little while depending upon how long and how much you've been drinking. The good news is that it passes. Best of luck to you.

brynn

Hi copper442

I'm so glad you're here and decided to reach out for support. And for the record, you aren't pathetic, you're actually pretty amazing for having the guts to take back your life!
I really relate to all your legal troubles, broken relationships, not to mention broken bones...and with all that staring you in the face after a while kinda thinking...hmm...I think I might have a problem! Been there...and thankful to be alive to even TRY to get sober.
We both gave two days today! Yay! Huge huge deal for both of us.
Hope to keep seeing you around the boards.

Mainza

Welcome! You have come to a very supportive and empathetic community. Take your recovery slow, one day at a time, and be patient with yourself. Focus on right now but also think about how great it feels to wake up in the morning sober.

LexieCat

Sounds like you're about ripe for quitting drinking. Alcoholism is progressive, and as bad as things are right now, they will only get worse if you continue to drink.

I've been sober six years, and trust me, it's worth it.

I'd suggest you find an AA group and get going with that. There are meetings several times a day, every day, in most places. Think about all the time you spent drinking, recovering from drinking, or planning to drink. Use that time to get a really good, solid foothold in recovery.

Glad you're here.

GroundhogDay

Welcome! Please come here when the urge to drink hits so that you can stay strong and sober.

MyTime86

Welcome, things can be tough in the beginning with temptation and your feelings. But not worry it gets better ride it out its worth it

resolute50

Welcome to SR.
Glad you decided to join in and say hello.
Plenty of support here,

Soberjoy1

Welcome!

I have no advice, because I am still figuring this out myself, except come here often and read as much as you can. It definitely helps!

ubntubnt

Welcome Copper and WOW what an amazing opportunity you have to drop the booze and get your life back aged 25! There are many of us that wish we did it 20 years ago, even more. Draw a line in the sand and drop the booze forever. Please read up on this site as much as you can and soak it all in, there is a wealth of experience here. Good luck!

Lusher

Hey Copper442- Welcome!

First, a big congrats on day #2! From reading through your post, I am guessing that was no small feat. You should be proud of that. I also think you'll find this site to be of some help with your goals of abstaining, as you'll find a lot of support here. If this will be the first time that you've gone for sober in a while, then perhaps spending a good amount of time in here might make things go a little more smoothly.

It sounds like you've been down the road a bit with alcohol, so making the decision to stop seems like a pretty good move on your part. (I think your bones & ligaments would agree) Seriously though, as you can see, this stuff can get out of hand way too quickly, and getting our arms around it is really the only way to stop the downward spiral, so good for you for taking some action.

I wish you well, and I hope to see you around in here.


Lusher

Girlie928

Copper - just think, you may never have to do day 1 again. Be well.

happyandfree

Welcome Copper-yes, it is all worth it. Stick with us here.

MariahGayle

Glad you are here Copper - You've come to a great place for support & encouragement from a great bunch! You might check out the December 14 Class...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-2014-a.html

Dee74

Hi and welcome Copper

There's no denying the early days are rough...but things di get better...and recovery really is worth it - my life is transformed from what it used to be. I love it and I love myself - two things I could never say since I was a pre-teen.

You've given years to drinking ... give recovery a shot - 3 months or so should see the going get progressively easier and some of the benefits start accruing

D

Copper442

Wow, thank you all for your welcoming words, advice, and encouragement!! I really want to take to heart the words that are being offered to me and apply them. Since getting out of all the legal trouble earlier this year I have been trying to stop drinking since I started back up but I have yet to make it a month. I am tired of all this. I'm tired of the uncontrollable shakes mere hours after my last drink, the headaches, exhaustion, irritability, paranoia, waking up on the street drenched in sweat in a puddle of my own vomit, etc. Day three isn't going the greatest so far. I've only managed to sleep for about three hours. My body in general is uncomfortable and I can't seem to be still. The shakes have subsided for the most part though.

Being up all night has given me some time to think though which is a plus I guess. I've tried to sort through what I'm feeling and it's fear. I am absolutely terrified to think of never drinking again. I literally want to cry over it which is ridiculous. I don't know how to live sober and happy and I don't feel I deserve to be happy. I live in this perpetual cycle of self-loathing and feeling I need to be punished. I'm sure that stems from my relationship with my mother. She is bipolar and obsessive compulsive and ever since I was about 6 I've been told nothing I do is right or good enough. I love her to death, don't get me wrong and I'm not trying to blame her for my drinking. My drinking is all me. I don't know it all may just be nonsense. It sounds ridiculous anyway. I'm just trying to figure out why I drink so I can address it.

All I know is I am not happy. I'm scared but I'm ready to make changes. I don't have a choice. I've also been fretting about this week. I'm graduating college this weekend and my classmates are already hounding me about hitting up all the bars this week after finals. I'm afraid I'm going to cave. My mind has also been racing about the fact that I am about to be getting a steady inflow of funds from my "big girl" job and I know what that means for me. I'll start drinking every day. That's the only reason I don't now. I'm living with my mom and she is supporting me because of all of my recent health issues and she never has much money to spare. I've been able to drink as much as I have been and as frequent because of the great friends that I have (sarcasm). I'm trying to look into some programs. AA i think is out at the moment as the closest meetings are a few towns over which just isn't feasible. I'm going to try to stay close to SR and hope this helps.

Thanks again to everyone who took the time to reply. I think I'm going to like it here!

FreeOwl

Welcome!


Yep, like a lot of us, you have given yourself plenty of evidence that alcohol does not work for you and in fact only leads to suffering.

There is suffering in life without us acting to create it. We need not accelerate the natural suffering by making more!!

Good news: there is also a ton of Joy in life and in sobriety we magnify and truly experience it.

Join us, and leave that madness behind. You can change your life for the better incredibly and you've already begun that by posting what you did.

Welcome aboard, we are here to help.

BernieE

How about just focusing on today? Don't drink today. You may have to break it down to moments. Figuring out why you drink can come later. Take care of your body with nourishing food, plenty of fluids and rest. Stay sober today. You can do this.

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR and to the forum

I agree with all of the above give yourself a chance get sober and truly experience it

itl be one of the best choices youl ever come to make in your life i could swear my life on that and mean it

Welcome friend