stampylongneck

Hi everybody

I'm a 45 year old single father with 30 years worth of self medicating history.

I successfully overcame a crippling drug addiction when I was 30 (you name it I took it).

I'm a single father of 2 beautiful boys and I'm also a chronic alcoholic.

It doesn't matter how determined I am to stay sober in the evenings I always end up drinking to the point where I usually pass out.

I always make sure my kids are fed and tucked in bed beforehand and I always make sure they're fed and ready for school in the morning regardless of how hungover I am, but I'm currently barely functioning.

I'm also a store manager of a bottle shop, I sell alcohol for a living and I see firsthand the damage alcohol does but I'm really struggling to stop drinking myself.

I abstained for about 10 weeks this time last year, My GP gave me valium to cope with withdrawals and I still take 5mg a day even though I resumed drinking, so now I have a mild valium addiction as well as alcoholism to cope with.

I have a pretty good life, I love my kids and get on well with my ex-wife so I don't understand why I feel compelled to continue drinking.

Any advice on how to stop and stay stopped would be appreciated, I'm not into the idea of AA as I'm not comfortable with the religious apects of it.



Thanks in advance

Hawks

The religious stuff scared me off for about 7 years .... booze eventually scared me worse.

(Blood coming out orifices, blood shouldn't come out of)

Shazam .... I overcame my fear of matters religious & joined AA.

daisy1

Hi stampy, your life sounds similar to mine. I keep trying to stop drinking without success - I am also hooked on painkillers after a serious neck injury. One thing that is helping me a bit, is to practice damage limitation ( google HAMS harm reduction ) , I make sure I eat loads, only have weakish alcohol, get into bed early, that kind of thing. Of course abstaining would be best, but at least at the moment I'm managing to not drink myself unconscious every night. Good luck and this is a start for you xx

stampylongneck

Thanks guys for your comments.

I try to be sensible (drinking light beer) but once I have the first one, bam. I don't stop

daisy1

Meeting my boyfriend helped me, I have to pretend to be a normal drinker, plus he distracts me. I was single for three years and got myself I to a right mess.
When I do manage to stop (rarely, lol) it really helps reading and reading this site while I'm in bed.

stampylongneck

I can relate to the blood bit, (I won't go into details but needless to say it's troubling)

My biggest problem is I have no idea what to do in the evenings if I don't drink

stampylongneck

I've had an obscene amount to drink today, I'm going to do my utmost tomorrow to stay sober.

I'll let you guys know how I go. Not looking forward to withdrawal

Thepatman

You have the first step done, admitting.
Then comes the easy step. Stop drinking and detox. Talk to your doc on how you can do this safely.

Then comes the healing and sobriety work. AA is an awesome option, we also have the secular section on SR if you want to try a non 12 step approach. Manor players are AVRT, smart recovery (they have live internet meetings). Some only use SR on daily basis and have succeeded. Whatever method you use, it's a question of working at sobriety as hard as you did drinking.

Glad you are here

b086

Hi Stampy

I have found a tremendous amount of relief in sobriety. I no longer drink, because I no longer have to (or want to) drink. My life has improved tremendously. If I could do it, you can do it. There really is a solution, and it is available to you.

In order to achieve long-term sobriety, however, my behavior, my beliefs, and my attitudes needed to change. My experience was very similar to yours: no matter how determined I was, I always wound up drunk at the end of the night. AA transformed my life -- the steps and the fellowship have given me a life that I feel is worth living, and I am constantly learning more. I was raised in a religious household, which really soured me on religion. I rebelled against it violently. But recovery has completely changed my perspective on spirituality.

However, AA is not the only way. There are also secular programs like AVRT, LifeRing, and SMART. A Google search will bring you information on each of those programs. In my opinion, both a program and a fellowship are essential -- no matter which program or which fellowship you choose.

Wishing you all the best. Don't take the first drink.

stampylongneck

Thank you all for the kind words. I'm off to bed now.

I really hope tomorrow is the start of a new dawn for me. I'll be posting daily on how I'm going.

I really f##king hate the fact that alcohol dictates my life atm

Dee74

Hi and welcome stampy

The biggest waves can come from the smallest ripples, you know?

See your Dr, explain what you want to do and see what they suggest - make sure it's safe for you to quit.

Then...don't buy booze one night.

The first few nights are not gonna be great, but you can get through them. I did, and hundreds of other folks did too.

but see your Dr first - be safe - you got kids to think of.

D

Hawks

It's probably a good idea to stop drinking when it starts to corrode you from the inside out.

sprout50

Stampy, welcome to SR! I too, was only an evening drinker. Part of getting and staying sober is about the physical addiction and part is about the emotional/habit end. You have to change those evening habits-replace it with something else. What do you like to do? It could be just something simple-reading etc.....

As for moderation or weaker alcohol, that never worked for me and alcohol is alcohol. I never drank hard liquor but when I drank, I would put away a whole 12 pack of beer or a couple of bottles of wine. A couple of drinks was never enough. And BTW, I am just a 5 foot tall woman.

On the AA end, it wasn't for me either but not for the religious reasons. (We have a secular board here as well) I have great support in my husband, I use this site and I have used the AA big book as well although I don't go to meettings. Find what works for you.

Stick around here, read, post etc.....If you want sobriety, you can have it.

anattaboy

Welcome Stamp! You might better see a good doc on this one. That combination may require a couple weeks inpatient. My experience was I always drank when the benzo's were gone and like you drank with them--not good outcomes for me. Whatever it takes is my motto and the general motto of this site is "what is your plan?". So consider it asked. Any ideas on a detox plan? Staying sober we can talk about later.

Soberwolf

Sound advice

JanieJ

Welcome Stampy

I was also an evening drinker, always said to myself that I would just have one, always ended up passing out.

Re -what to do in the evenings -post on here, watch movies, do crosswords, exercise , meditate, eat, drink tea....there's lots to do, once you start thinking about it.

Just don't drink for one night. Then don't drink for the next night.

Good to have you with us.

Mountainmanbob

I'm not into the idea of AA as I'm not comfortable with the religious apects of it.



AA is nothing like going to church

MM

FreeOwl

I'm a 42 year old single father of two beautiful girls.

I almost lost them.... and I put them at risk.... because I drank just like you.

I also avoided AA because of the religious aspects.

But my stubborn fear of what I thought were religious aspects became outweighed by the fear of what I was doing to my life and what could happen to my children.

I couldn't pretend to myself that this was any kind of way to live anymore.

I went to AA with a willingness to see what it had that could help me.

While horribly offput by religion - at the same time deep inside me I know that there is something more powerful than myself. I mostly hesitate to call it God. That term conjures ridiculous notions and experiences of judgement for me. Yet I can watch the sunrise and know inside that there is 'something' more.

I delivered my children with my own two hands and felt the Spirit move....

So I go into AA and when the literature says "God", I simply hear it as my own interpretation of what "Higher Power" means to me.

There are religious and non-religious people in AA. There are atheists and there are Buddhists and there are Islamic and Christian and Taoist and there are Agnostics.

The fact is, AA is a place where we can find an essential thing; other real, actual humans who understand what it is to suffer with addiction to alcohol. Real, actual humans who have experience in recovery and learning to live in sobriety.

I am a 42 year old father of two beautiful children - just like you. I drank myself into oblivion nightly - just like you. I dislike religion - just like you. I was tormented by the lifelong self medication and the underlying reasons for it - just like you. AA wasn't for me - just like you..... until it was.

I'm almost a year sober now. Life is better all the time. I am learning to grow and to live a deeper, richer life. My kids never see me drunk and if they wake in the night in need of me - I am there, I am present, I am sober. I can care for them. My love is untarnished by self-loathing. My head is clear. My conscience grows clearer every day. I grow to love myself.

You can be just like me.

BernieE

Free owl, what a beautiful and moving post.

stampylongneck, when you're drowning, you gotta grab at any line thrown your way. What are you willing to do to get sober? I hope you will keep trying. It really is s life or death matter for you and your children.

seaturtle3804

Hello, Longneck and everybody. The combination of benzos and alcohol is a particularly dangerous one. You will be safest in an inpatient detox situation. You could have seizures or even go into DT's (delirium tremens) and die if you stop suddenly. Also, in AA as elsewhere the concept of spirituality is NOT the same as religion. Religion is the biggest stumbling block for people to reach God and a spiritual awakening. So even if at the start you need to think of GOD as a "Group of Drunks", don't let this concept keep you from even approaching sanity and getting help for yourself. If it was not you but one of your sons in trouble, what would you tell him? What would your advice be? you already know what you have to do, you just have to believe you are worth it.

Good luck! And be good to yourself. Your kids love you. You've not earned it, it is freely given, and freely accepted or declined. Think about it.