matilda123

Friends, I'm reaching out for some help. Just had a stupid fight with my partner. We're both tired--end of a long week for both of us. I"m in the kitchen cooking dinner and I'm stewing and all I want to do is crack one of the beers in the fridge.

I know that it is dumb. Anger is my achilles heel...


Just remind me why that isn't a good idea, please!

matilda123

Actually, I think I may have solved it. I thought about why I was angry. Our kitchen is small (old house) and we are both frustrated by it. It was really about that. I went up to the room he was in and said, hey, I think this is what this is about. And he immediately apologized and said it was the same thing for him. We brainstormed a few minutes about solutions, kissed, and made up!

Mainza

You've work so hard to get to where you are and things will be better in the morning. What happens if you crack open that first beer? All of your problems remain and now you have an additional problem=drinking alcohol! Put on some music, go for a walk, eat some ice cream. Alcohol just causes problems.

blueyes618

Hi Matilda sorry you're feeling so much anger at the moment, but try to direct that negative energy elsewhere. End of the week is definitely hard especially if you've got a heavy workload and you're trying to battle your addiction all at once. I bought myself a journal the other day and any time I get upset or angry I write in it. Just think ahead to your consequences if you do crack that beer... how is that going to make your situation better? Find another outlet...

fini

hi matilda,
yep, anger was/is a toughie for me, too.
but no reason whatsoever to drink.

take this opportunity as a moment of learning different ways to deal with being angry: breathe. again. deeply. wash a few dishes. make yourself a cup of tea while cooking. put on the radio to an interesting station. sing while cooking. abandon cooking and go for a walk. have a bath; dinner can wait.

a million things to do. drinking is not necessary.
posting is a brilliant idea

Inchworm

Glad to hear you've figured it out, matilda! I like how you just went to your husband and talked about the problem. Anger always got me thinking about alcohol, too. It's a painful emotion.

Soberwolf

Hi Matilda recognise your both tired and its been a long week and thats stressful

play the mental tape all the way to the end you dont want to drink

and instead of cooking how about you try to both talk order a pizza and poss watch a movie ?

sorry your stressed M big hugs

Dee74

I'm really glad you worked through it.
Drinking at something is about as effective as drinking at someone...the problem remains.

This way you worked at it and came to a resolution - great stuff!

D

Frixion

Wow this is fantastic! Good job of finding out what the core problem was, and finding a solution! Should be proud of yourself! That AV can be sneaky

Ruby2

Hi Matilda, I'm glad things resolved themselves before you took a drink. I always found that if I put my urge and anger on "pause" for a moment, the urge went away.

Anger and frustration are big triggers for me too. I was angry at traffic tonight and a fleeting thought came into my head that I used to drink over this. Followed by "all I was doing was drinking AT the problem instead of resolving the problem or coasting through the urge. All of that was followed by the feeling that I'm glad I don't drink about it anymore. Tempting even now but the only person hurt is me.

Yay for you. What can you do to process working in the old small kitchen?

melki

Problem and solution within three minutes of each other, you are one efficient problem solver!!! Good on you for reaching out first and for talking things out with your partner.

Altoids

Isn't it weirdly wonderful how when we talk about a problem, the solution comes? We can stew and fret for hours, yet talking (or posting about it) and, viola, we are walking into a solution soon. I love it!!!

matilda123

LOL, I don't think I'm a quick problem solver, but there was something about posting my anger that helped it to lift and made me realize what I was really angry about. I'm truly blessed to have a partner who, unlike me, is much quicker and more willing to resolve things. Historically, I've been a brewer and a stewer.

We have this amazing house built in 1890 that I love to pieces. I love old homes and it is so charming. But it is a difficult place for a modern couple, who met late in life and who have lots of stuff. But I am truly grateful for this beautiful home, with all its quirks. One thing I've been doing that will help (although I haven't yet started doing this in the kitchen yet--maybe I need to make that the next project) is picking each object up in my house and asking myself, "Why do I have this? Do I need it? Do I love it?" Already the room I've done that in (our bedroom) feels lighter. Also, now that I'm sober, I feel like I have more time and energy to tackle some home projects that have been on my to do list. This winter break, redoing the pantry will be one of those projects, and it'll help in there, I'm sure.

Thanks again, everyone, for your support. I can't tell you how helpful it is to just be able to type, "I'm angry." It is a feeling that I often don't let myself feel...

finallyimfree

Dont crack that bottle open, for all of your efforts will be lost. Instead, eat your comfort food while talking to us here at SR

tgreen

Don't waste your efforts, when your angry just eat it can help you to calm down

ubntubnt

That's a nice little story Matilda. A busy week, a moment of frustration/unhappiness, youR AV ready to pounce and exploit the moment - a quick moment on SR, a flash of light, AV back in its box, kiss for hubby and off you go. Great.

Nuudawn

Nice to see the quick turn around on your mood. But I'm glad you brought up the anger trigger...it's a doozy hey?

Good work on posting. I'm jealous of your before the turn of the century home. How cool.

439trish

great post, very helpful to hear how you saw it thru and felt so good for not drinking

good stuff, good progress

hope I can immolate

439trish

emulate that is!!!

desypete

glad to see someone trying to reach out for help first, instead of picking up the drink

for me i would be off to an aa meeting to be around other people like me it would work big time and i would come home knowing how lucky i was that i didnt pick up

its a tried and tested method for me and its carried me on now for 10 years
not that i get into a state anymore were my first thought would be for a drink but in the early days its what i had to do

i got phone numbers and i used them if there was no meeting to be had
i had a sponsor and i used him to when my head was going

today i know i have no excuse in the world to pick up a drink as i know what the drink will do for me
its no good me picking up the drink and then trying to be some sort of know all about drink if i can not practice what i preach

so i have to do the things i would tell anyone else to do, if in trouble reach out for help dont think i can do it on my own as i can not i will just end up picking up a drink as its all i ever did to cope with anything

its a hard battle at the start but the more i got around aa the more i came to understand about me how i tick and how sly and cunning my head can be

why do you have booze in the fridge ? get rid of it would be my advice if your serious about wanting to give up as thats a huge no no for me

when your about to fly off the handle then do something else, go for a walk, ring someone up, get to an aa meeting, or go online whatever you believe in
but use it first before you pick up a drink